Leroy in; The Reluctant Rescue

"There's an old lady in there, and I'm gonna get her out!"

"No, Leroy, it's too fully involved!  You'll never make it!"

"Hang on Lady, I'm coming!  I'm on the stairs now, I'll be there in just a minute!  Ouch, that door was tough, but my shoulder was tougher.  I'll save you now, mam."

"Screw you little whipper-snapper, if I wanted company I'd have asked."

"Calm down lady, I'll save you.  I'm better than any damn movie firemen, and this'll prove it!"

"Let me go, you idiot.  I hate you!  If I didn't want to die in this fire, I wouldn't have poured gasoline all over the walls!  Still, I'm sort of glad to see that someone still cares.  I get lonely without a husband or any legitimate children or anything."

"Hold on lady, I'll get us out.  Just hold still while I dive through this solid wall of flame, and then we'll be safe.  Gosh your hands are wrinkled, I hope the fire didn't do that to you."

"Oof, you clumsy little bastard, take the steps slower. The flames aren't that hot, damnit."

"Okay, we're out safely.  Wow, look at all the cameras, I guess I'll be famous now.  Maybe even my own movie!" 

"Even though I didn't want to be saved, it's nice to get the attention.  If I didn't hate you, I might be glad to have met you, Mr. Fireman."

No idea.

I vaguely remember seeing this in 1991 or so, and I think it was another dopey writing class assignment, to write a story that was told entirely with characters speaking. It's got elements that could be funny, but the pacing is so accelerated there's no comedic effect, just a sort of breathless rushing.

I could improve on it, but don't see any reason to spend the time on something that wouldn't be more than a curiosity in any event.

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