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Slang: Dirty Terms

Warning! If you are offended by occasional profanity and lots of silly terms for sex, sex acts, genitals, farts, etc, you should probably skip this page.

You have been warned.  Any emails objecting to this page's content will be held up to ridicule.

 

This page contains slang for the following terms.  Click any to leap right to them, or just scroll down.

Everyone (almost) finds naughty words amusing, so this is more of a humor page than an internet info resource. These are all terms that I have heard in use, or seen on other websites; I didn't just pull them out of my ass (so to speak).

There are dozens of other internet sites with as long or much longer listings of slang for your naughty bits, but most are regional, and most are organized alphabetically.  This page is organized by subject, which I found a much more useful method. In addition, this page has only terms that I thought were funny, or at least really strange.  Saying "one-eyed monster" is funny, "dick" is not.  If you don't grasp the difference (pun!) then there's not really any way I can explain it to you.

Emails with additional terms are welcome.  All terms must pass our exhaustive screening process (making me giggle) before they are added to the list.  This ensures the highest quality in potty humor. Send emails here.

Stop now if you get offended. Last warning!

 

 

 

Slang for Vagina
Axe/hatchet wound
Ass mate
Bearded oyster
Beaver
Beef curtains
Bikini bizkit
Cock holster
Cooter (Southern US regionalism)
Cherry pop
Cat flaps
Cha-cha
Chuff
Furburger
Grumble
Hairy goblet (what a knight might drink from)
Honey pot
Honeysuckle
Hooch
Hush puppy
Lick-me-please-me
Muff
Mud flaps
Map of Tassie/Mapatazi (Map of Tasmania)
Panty hamster
Passion fruit
Poonany
Quim
Southern belle
Taco (pink)
Tongue magnet
Velcro triangle
Vertical bacon sandwich
Vertical smile
Wunder down under

 

Size Related

Large
The Grand Canyon
The Great Divide
Horse's collar
Clown's Pocket
Cathedral (my organ's never played in one this large before)
Small
Mouse's ear
Eye of a needle

Slutty
Box of assorted creams
Municipal cockwash
Bulldog eating porridge (post coital appearance)

Pubic Hair
Bear trapper's hat (hairy as a)
Minge
Brillo pad (coarse)
Rusty brillo pad (redheads)
Baby bear

Clitoris
The little/bald man in the boat.
The sugared almond
The remote control (can never find it when you need it)
Pearltongue (Chiefly black term.)

Labia visible through clothing
Beetle's bonnet
Camel's toe
Monkey's chin
Shark's fin (swimsuit display)
Mumblers (When they can be seen moving through the clothing, but you can't understand a word they are saying.)

See Cameltoe.org for the pinnacle of this field of study.

 

Slang for Menses
On the rag
Riding the cotton pony
In the shop
Visit from Aunt Flo
Visit from Grandma
She has the painters in
The Cardinals are at home (can use any sports team with red uniforms)
Chasing the cotton mouse.

 

Slang for Breasts
See this diagram for more examples and visual confirmation.

Bazooms
Cans
Dirty pillows
Fried-eggs (too small)
Fun bags
Hoopdie hoops
Knockers
Rib balloons
Spaniel's ears (droopy ones)
Side-winders (spaniel's ears heading for the arm pits)
Sweater mittens
Tatas
Zeppelin race (as in looks like a)
 

 

Slang for Penis

Beef bayonet
Blue-veined piccolo
Bologna pony
Choad (As long as it is thick.)
One-eyed monster
German helmet
Grower (One that expands greatly when hard. Opposite of Show-er.)
Heat seeking moisture missile
Kickstand
Little _____ (insert your name here)
Locker room terror (very large when soft)
Jack in the Box (uncircumcised)
Mr. Winkie
Meat and two veggies
Mutton dagger
Purple-headed womb broom
Show-er (Large when flaccid.  Opposite of Grower.)
Trouser snake
Trouser trout
Third leg
Widow-consoler
Willy
Weasel

Many of these terms can be turned into intercourse slang by adding "riding the" as a prefix.

 

Slang for the portion of anatomy between the rectum and the genitals

Female
Biffon (what the male's balls biff on during sex)
Fadge (fanny and vag).
Shunt (shit ~ cunt)
Taint
Tweener

Male
Barse (balls ~ arse).

Non-Gender Specific
Ass neck

 

Slang for Masturbation
Check out this random wanking term generator for some automated humor.
Tremble before this uber list of more than 1500 wankisms.  Yes, 1500.  No shit.  They're even alphabetical.

Wanking
Getting a rock off
Rub one out
Throw a beat

Male specific:
Awaken the bacon
Bashing the bishop
Chucking the muck
Call down for more mayo
Clear the custard (long overdue session)
Choking the chicken
Dropping stomach pancakes
Five against one
Make the bald man cry
Meeting Rosy Palmer and her five sisters
Paying the palm pimp
Playing pocket billiards
Peeling chilies
Play the skin flute
Polish the lighthouse (in the bath)
Preparing the altar boy's supper
Strangle Kojak
Take Capt. Picard to warp speed
Tug of war with Cyclops

Female
A Waterpix exam
Gusset pianist
Jill off (female version of Jack)
Paddle the pink canoe

 

Slang for Sexual Intercourse

Bang the screen door
Doing the nasty
Don Mr. Happy's business suit (put on a condom)
Driving the beef bus to tuna town.
Give the monkey a banana
Hump like a Schnauzer
How's your father
Hide the salami
Hop into the horse's collar
Inoculation against virginity
Knockin' those boots
Lay some pipe
Park the pink bus in the fur garage
Ride the baloney pony
Run the meat
Sausage and donut situation
Slip'er the crip'ler (debilitatingly vigorous sex and/or penis size)
Vaginal bungee jumping
Vatican Roulette (form of monthly gambling that leads to large families)

Intercourse: Special Cases
Cranberry Dip or Salsa dip (once a month)
Dry docked (insufficient lubrication problem that halts the pink submarine)

Coitus Interruptus
Get off at Edge Hill (Edge Hill is the last station before Liverpool)
The orchestra broke in (refers to speeches being interrupted by music at awards show).

 

Slang for Anal Sex
Bone smuggling
Driving the Hershey highway
Enter through the back door
Plowing the back field
Gardening uphill
Goin' to brown town

There is some overlap with male homosexual terms.

 

Slang for Oral Sex

Fellatio
Address the court
Blow the horn
Gobble gobble
Give a hummer
Speak into the mike
Polish the knob
Meeting with Mr. One-Eye
Play the pink oboe
Yaffle the yogurt cannon (voracious technique)

Cunnilingus
Airing the orchid
Carpet munching
Gamahuche
Growl at the badger (to make noise while performing)
Impersonate Stalin
Muff diving
Yodel in the canyon (to make noise while performing)

 

Slang for Semen
Baby gravy
Cupid's toothpaste
Gentleman's relish
Human bonding fluid
Man chowder
Population paste
Spooge
That tasty non-dairy treat

 

Slang for Homosexuality
Bats for the other team
Travels on the other bus.

Male Terms
Bone smuggler
Back tourist
Double adapter
Fart knocker
Lucky Pierre (the meat in a triple decker man sandwich)
Poof
Pillow-biter
Sausage kennel (butt)
Sneaky butcher (he slides the meat in the back door).
Uphill gardener

Female Terms
Lickalotopus
Rug Doctor
Vagitarian

Special terms:

Beard -- Woman married to a (supposedly) gay man to help keep him closeted.  I.E. Nicole Kidman, formerly.

Frock -- Male equivalent of a beard, also "lavender marriage".  See Richard Gere for Cindy Crawford, if you believe the hype.

 

Slang for Farting
Anal announcement
Float an air biscuit
One-cheek sneak (leaning to the side)
Release a tree monkey from captivity
Room clearer
Silent but deadly (SBD)
Shooting bunnies
Step on a duck.
To speak German
Under-thunder

Remarks after a Fart
Catch that one and paint it blue
More tea vicar?
Sew a button on that
There goes the elephant.

Slang for Poo
Admiral Browning
Build a log cabin
Burial at sea (stately delivery, I.E. w/o splashing)
Bury a Quaker
Clumsy brown trout (splashes upon entry)
Chocolate shark (larger and fiercer than the brown trout)
Chocolate iceberg
Droppin' a deuce
Drop the kids off at the pool
Drop the Huxtables at the pool (Re: The Cosby Show)
Knit a brown sweater
Lay cable
Montezuma's Revenge
Put Nelson on the train (Mandela)
Three-coiler (impressively long)

There's a disturbing strain of poo slang that's based on the presumed color similarity between feces and black people.  I had never heard any slang alluding to this prior to posting this page, and starting to get reader emails about it.  Yes, I led a sheltered life, though I didn't realize it at the time.

It's Coming!
Aztec two-step
Cowboy Walk (long, rolling gait required when the Titanic is just about to set sail)
Got a turtle head poking out. (Said with a Fat Bastard accent, ideally.)
Sitting on an elephant (often as a pre-show evacuation warning)
Sour apple quickstep

 

Other Terms

Fingers in both ass and vagina
One in the pink, one in the stink
The shocker
Hold her like a bowling ball

Whorehouse
Knocking shop
Poontang plantation

A woman (or man) who dies their hair, but not all over
Collar doesn't match the cuffs
Curtains don't match the carpet.

Skimpy male underwear
Bag of golf balls
Banana hammock
Grape smugglers
Fag bag

Notes and Comments

Initially this list was going to just have exhaustive lists of terms for penis, vagina, period, and sexual intercourse. However it got boring and looked like a bathroom stall, so I decided to do just funny/inventive terms, and expand the categories a bit. There are probably an infinite number of possible terms, with more being invented all the time.

An interesting comparison is what's considered obscene in the US vs. other countries.  The US is much more uptight about anything sexual, and more forgiving of violence.  This isn't exactly a news flash; it's practically the central criticism of the MPAA, (the US movie rating system) for the past 10+ years.

For example, in the UK they have full frontal nudity, profane language, and explicit sexual content on public TV (albeit only on some shows and generally late at night), while in the US, network TV is quite self-censoring and it's just in recent years that a few programs have begun to show partial rear nudity.  The spoken language varies a lot also, in the UK most any curse word is allowed in conversation; perhaps not over biscuits and tea with your nanna, but you get the picture.  There's a lot less concern in the UK about saying something naughty in mixed company.  Certain words, such as "cunt", which is profane in the UK, but not especially so, it's more akin to "bitch" or "pussy" there, while in the US it's about as profane a word as there is.

If you'd prefer the UK state of affairs, it's hard to say who is responsible for the vocabulary differences in the US, but our wimpy TV and movies (where violence is far more acceptable than sex) is almost entirely due to right wing Christians presurring gutless TV networks/movie companies. You have those groups to thank/blame (depending on your PoV) for our current state of affairs.

The US lags well behind the UK in funny naughty terms.  The only ones we (Americans) have are idiotically-childish terms, or else variations of common vulgarity.  Lots of the most inventive and amusing terms here are ones I've heard from UK slang.

If you want more collections of naughty words, just run a Gooooooooogle.com search on the subject, and you'll see dozens of sites with lists of useful terms.

 

Other Resources

UK Slang: Roger's Profanisaurus or Slanguistics.

Sex slang. Gay slang. Vagina slang.

 

Contributors

  • Vidhya24
  • Gaile
  • Elly
  • Hollywood
  • Divawithfeva
  • Jason
  • DreamSKL
  • Josh
  • Throwing Shadows
  • Dave
  • Dufor
  • Fritzie
  • Malaya

If you've got slang terms, send them in and if some get added I'll add your name or alias here.  Your proudest moment, I'm sure.

 

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