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Phrases of the Moment |
Much like the Quote of the Day archive pages, this page exists solely to archive the various words and phrases presented in the Phrase of the Moment space on the navbar. The items in the navbar change regularly, some of them with every blog, while the phrases generally stay up for a month or so. There are no archive pages for the Curse of the Day, Answer of the Day, Question of the Day, Life's Too Short For, Soul-Devouring Worry, What's for Lunch, and the other navbar items of the past and present. At least not yet. Phrases of the Moment are just that; phrases or words that Malaya can't stop saying to Flux, or vice versa, and given that we're quite insular in our own little world, anything that one of us keeps saying is sure to spread to the other before long. Yes, we realize how sickeningly cute this all is. More recent phrases are added on the bottom, with the date they were first posted. The feature began on August 5, 2003, in rather janky fashion.
Word: Janky (adj) Usage: "That movie sucked. It was hella-janky." Synonyms: Crappy, inadequate, lame. Deviations: Jankalicious, jankitude. Frequently paired with "hella". Origin: Unknown/pop culture. Malaya was using it regularly when I moved up here in mid-July and I'd heard it before, but hadn't really incorporated it into my vocabulary until hearing her use it frequently. Notes: Currently in heavy rotation, frequently used for comedic effect. Can be made to fit virtually all situations.
Phrase: I don't like that at all. Usage: "I didn't like that at all." Synonyms: That forcibly removed me from my happy place. Deviations: "I didn't like that at all." Origin: Malaya-ism. Notes: Best issued after a seemingly minor setback, delivered in a sad little voice, over a pouty lower lip. Provokes amusement and sympathy in the heart of a sympathetic listener.
Phrase: "mostly". Usage: "They mostly come out at night. Mostly." Synonyms: N/A Deviations: Most any qualifying word you can use in a sentence, and then repeat afterwards for extra emphasis. Eg: "probably," "sometimes," and so on. Origin: Newt's famous line in Aliens. Notes: Cribbed from Cartman who cribbed it from Aliens, this word and its deviations spice up most any conversation. Malaya and I have developed it to a science, where one of us will speak a viable sentence, and then after a momentary pause we'll both repeat the repeatable word in almost perfect harmony. Yes, we realize how sickeningly cutesy this is. The best usage yet?
When I said, after we saw the results of this
boxing match: "Who kicked Oscar de la Hoya's ass tonight?
Phrase: "The" Usage: "Let's go shop for The sex toys." Synonyms: N/A Deviations: None. Origin: Unknown. Notes: This one is all in the usage. While there's nothing unusual about saying "the noun," what makes it funny is that we use it constantly, and inappropriately, such as before proper nouns. "I hate that new commercial for The McDonald's." for instance. It's a sort of mock emphasis and formality and official-ness that spices up uneventful things. Sadly, it's also a very verbal thing that doesn't translate very well into text; such as this description.
Phrase: "We're so not ready" Usage: "We're so not ready." Synonyms: N/A Deviations: None. Origin: Someone said it, and it stuck. Notes: This catch phrase is uttered by Malaya or myself at least once a day, and more often than that when we're out in public. It refers to "ready to have children" and is mostly used when we see someone with a screaming baby, whining 5 year old, surly teenager, etc. Basically offspring of any age who come into your life, live in your house, interrupt your every free moment for 18 years, and are pretty much perpetually ungrateful for their existence on earth, an existence that you are entirely responsible for. It can also be used for other future plans that one or the other of us don't really want to deal with, such as full time work, dog ownership, getting a home loan, and more.
Phrase: "I sure hope nothing bad happens to him." Usage: "Honey, I sure do like that Gollum guy a lot. I hope nothing bad happens to him." Synonyms: N/A Origin: I made this one up some weeks ago, after reading in Entertainment Weekly that the main female prosecutor character on Law and Order:SUV was going to be leaving the show and showing Malaya the article. That night when we were watching a rerun of it I started talking about how much I liked her character and how I hoped she'd be on the show forever. Notes: This catch phrase is uttered by me several times a week, and is almost sure to crack up Malaya and myself. It's best delivered in an innocent and hopeful voice, when she and I both know for sure that something bad is going to happen to him, whoever him (or her) may be. The humor comes from the earnestness with which I say it, and the cluelessness implied by not realizing how very wrong I am. It can also be used to tease, if I know something and she doesn't, since once I say it she's consumed with worry for the future well-being of the character. Like for instance since I know how LotR turns out, and she doesn't, and I said it about oh... Frodo. Or Aragorn.
Phrase: "Did you hear something?"
Usage: *cats crash through the room engaged in noisy mortal
combat* Synonyms: N/A Notes: This one is a little game Malaya and I play where in one of the cats makes a loud or pathetic noise, and I ask if she heard it, and she says no. Dusty used to be the cause of this, with his frequently yowling or noisy/clumsy TV-mounting attempts, but now that we have two cats who frequently chase each other around and make a lot of noise doing it, the saying is more all purpose. Over the months it's become ritualized to the point that any time we hear any loud, interrupting noise, at home or elsewhere, I can say, "Did you..." and she'll immediately reply, "Nope."
Phrase: "Your little hopes and dreams." Usage: "Poor man, his little hopes and dreams have been smashed." Origin: Quipped by a whore, or pre-op transgender man, or a sociopath, or some other lowlife who was engaged in a vicious verbal battle with another lowlife guest on the Jerry Springer show Notes: While the Jerry Springer show is generally pretty lacking in opportunities for intellectual improvement, you do tend to hear some funny jokes, of the personal insult type. This was one of the best. One loser was arguing with another loser, and when one said something about how she'd loved her husband, whom the other lowlife had stolen away, lowlife #1 replied, "Bitch, I don't care about your little hopes and dreams!" You'll find it applicable to almost every situation in life. It's the "little" that really makes it work, since that just so perfectly and cruelly diminishes whatever claim to importance the other person might previously have had.
Phrase: "hella" Usage: "Hella m'ungry, Punchin!" Origin: Old Valley-Girl speak, or something like that. It was big in the 80s, vanished, and has been reborn largely thanks to Cartman. Etymology: It's short for "hell of" I suppose, even though no one has ever used that two-word phrase for the purpose that "hella" exists. It's basically a synonym for "very" or "extremely" and is best used to great excess, or for intentionally-annoying sarcastic effect, in much the same way adults can effectively use L33t sP34k. Notes: An annoying and stupid word, but one you'll soon find yourself almost powerless to cease overusing, if you dare take a verbal step down that mixed metaphor of a road. Cartman says "hella" about twenty times in an old episode of South Park, driving everyone else crazy, and while it's amazingly annoying to hear him say it... neither Malaya or I can keep from throwing it into conversation when we get a chance. Mostly to each other, as a sort of "that sounds so stupid it's funny" joke, but we slip up and use it when talking to other people from time to time as well. Much to their horror, I'm sure.
Phrase: "fumble" Usage: When someone drops something. Anything at all. Yell it in a play by play guy voice. Origin: It's what they call a dropped ball in a football game. Notes: I've been saying this one, usually in my head, for years. I started saying it at the NFL games I used to work at the San Diego stadium, since after all, players drop the rock, and you've got to point that shit out. It's also a lot of fun to yell. Draw it out, like the play by play guy. "Fummm-boh!" It's fun to say, or at least think, in real life, when you or someone else drops something. Malaya enjoys it when I say it, and has taken to saying it herself, both when I drop things and when others, out in public somewhere, drop them. It helps your public declarations of this a lot if you're unconcerned by other people viewing you askance.
Phrase: "Swiffer effect" Usage: When some product or service makes outrageous and unlikely claims, and then actually lives up to them. Origin: Malaya tried some Swiffer wipes after laughing at their obviously bullshit commercials for years... and had to admit that yes, they really did work amazingly well at picking up dirt and dust. Thus was born the "Swiffer effect." It comes about when you see something that you can't believe will work, and then find out that it actually does. Notes: I brought some Swiffer cleaning wipes when I moved up here last year, and Malaya saw them and scoffed. Swiffer commercials make it seem like the product is some sort of household dust-removal miracle, and Malaya is like me; she knows to scoff at such claims. And she did, when she saw them, and then she used them in the bathroom one day, and was amazed to see that they actually did work great. Better than paper towels, or cloth rags, or anything she'd ever used previously. The saddest part is that I'd had the same small box of them for about three years, untouched since my dad gave them to me after he bought a multi-pack of them at CostCo. I wasn't much on worrying about dirt and dust build up when I lived alone back in San Diego. So the next time you see someone or something make an improbable claim, and then actually back it up... you'll know what to call it.
Phrase: "Alone... alone... alone..." Usage: Repeat the word repeatedly as soon as you are left alone in a room, even if someone else can be found less than ten feet away. Origin: We've got Dusty to thank for this one, since it's his habit. Whenever he's restless, or whenever both Malaya and me change rooms, leaving him alone in the living room or bedroom, he wakes up, looks around and begins sounding in a sonar-like fashion, as he repeatedly meows, each yowl at exactly the same pitch and tone. Notes: He's not actually saying "alone" of course, at least not that we know, but since he only does it when he's suddenly alone, either due to his wandering or our movement, it seems a reasonably translation, based on the context. Since I made up the "alone" joke, whenever Dusty wanders off and begins yowling pathetically in the otherwise-empty bathroom or bedroom or living room, Malaya and me amuse each other by saying, "Alone, alone, alone..." over and over again, in the same pitch that Dusty uses. Hey, it beats, "Shut up!" which is what we used to yell, which had about as much effect on the cat as you might expect.
Phrase: "Camel army" Usage: Right right... left left... right right left left... camel army! Origin: While watching a nature program one night the camera was turned on a flock of ambling camels, a sight that cracked Malaya up due to their right-right then left-left walking style. We started verbally riffing on it, and from somewhere I came up with the above marching theme, to the tune of "1-2, 3-4, 1-2-3-4, go army!" Notes: Since the initial invention of this months ago, we've used it in numerous occasions that have nothing at all to do with dromedaries. Our favorite current use is to walk around the house and scare the cats; I stand directly behind Malaya with my hands around her waist and we walk in step, left-left then right-right, and relentlessly pursue the cats until they get freaked out and leap behind the couch or run under the kitchen table where we can't get at them.
Phrase: "Go little pengu!" Usage: "Run little pengu! Go! Go faster!" Origin: Verbal urging I apply liberally when playing Yeti Sports game #5 (Flamingo Drive), and whacking the little pengu across the desert.! Notes: Since this originated logically, as something to say to a pengu (penguin) that was going (as part of a video game) we've broadened the usage until it can now be used to apply to virtually anything in motion. It's most often said when someone or something small is moving quickly, such as a kick returner in a football game, a Mini Cooper trying to make a speedy pass in the fast lane, or Jinx streaking through the living room with Dusty in hot pursuit. The real fun of it is just in saying "pengu" and it's frequently misused to the point of nonsense. For instance, I might describe Malaya's new black and red running shoes by saying, "What a cute little pair of pengu shoes you have there."
Phrase: "I don't give a damn what that cat likes!" Usage: Origin: Malaya's been saying this one, almost always in response to my prompting, for months. Why she started saying it is unknown. Notes: This is obviously not a new phrase, and since 90% of my enjoyment comes from the outraged righteous indignation with which Malaya says it, I'm not sure how well it will translate to print. In any event, this is one of our little games, when she does something that effects one of the animals, I point it out, and she summons up this booming voice of God in which she declares her complete indifference to the effects of her actions. Just tonight I got home and saw that the dishwasher had been run when it was almost empty this afternoon. I asked why, she said she'd done a lot of uncommon stuff in it, including the fish's tank. Once I ascertained that the fish, his giant skull cave, and all of the gravel in the tank had been dumped into a tupperware bowl while the dishwasher ran, I pointed out (I thought reasonably.) that I didn't think the fish liked that too much, to which Malaya rejoined, "I don't give a damn what what that fish likes!"
Phrase: Duran Durantidote Usage: "I can't get that song out of my head. I need a Duran Durantidote." Origin: I coined the term in early March, 2005, since it was appropriate and the name was cute. Notes: While your chances to use this exact term are (hopefully) going to be pretty limited, it will come in handy when you need it, and you can use it in a more general way, when you must hear a good song to get some hated but catchy jingle out of your head. The term occurred to me when we found ourselves in the car two days in a row, on the way home from running some errands, and each time had goddamned Hungry Like the Wolf running through our heads after hearing it in the store we'd just left. Very different stores, too; fricking Home Depot in the second instance! Fortunately, this affliction, while annoying, can be readily cured by a quick listen to virtually any decent music. I chose Green Day on my WinAmp list the first day, and Marilyn Manson on a tape in the car the second time.
Phrase: I hate you so much right now.
Yes, we use this form of communication with any number of phrases, and yes, we're easily amused by each other. -- April 27, 2005 |
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