Phrase of the Moment:
¤ Phrase: "Your little hopes and dreams."
¤ Usage: "Poor fellow, his little hopes and dreams have all be smashed."
¤ Origin: Quipped by a whore, or pre-op transgender man, or a sociopath, or some other lowlife who was engaged in a vicious verbal battle with another lowlife guest on the Jerry Springer show
¤ Notes: While the Jerry Springer show is generally pretty lacking in opportunities for intellectual improvement, you do tend to hear some funny jokes, of the personal insult type.  This was one of the best.  One loser was arguing with another loser, and when one said something about how she'd loved her husband, whom the other lowlife had stolen away, lowlife #1 replied, "Bitch, I don't care about your little hopes and dreams!"

You'll find it applicable to almost every situation in life.  It's the "little" that really makes it work, since that just so perfectly and cruelly diminishes whatever claim to importance the other person might previously have had. -- February 20, 2004

s you might have noticed yesterday, I forgot to upload the February Mailbag.  Good thing all the interesting portions of it were pasted to the lower portion of the daily update. It's up now, if you were dying to read the one last email from my mom about Leap Year/Day at the very end.

Getting right to it, here's the news for the day, and then down below there's some more Harry Potter and other fiction discussed.

I guess she was, sort of by default, while dating Tom. But now that they're not dating, she's just another occasionally pretty face actress with no hits to her name, not much talent, and a career doomed to be forever stuck in the "ethnic chick" role, due to her Spanish looks and Hollywood's preference for white people.

I'm serious, why is she famous? Would any of us who aren't real film geeks even know her name if not for dating her near-namesake?  And if they'd gotten married, would she have gone the hyphenated last name thing, I.E. Penelope Cruz-Cruise?

Here's her filmography, in reverse chronology, courtesy of IMDB:

• 1990-2001: Spanish films no one outside of Spain cares about.
• 2001: Captain Corelli's Mandolin -- Forgotten flop.
• 2001: Vanilla Sky -- Tom Cruise's least popular movie ever.  Forgotten.
• 2002: Waking up in Reno -- Forgotten flop.
• 2003: Masked and Anonymous -- The title sums it up pretty well.
• 2003: Another Spanish film no one cares about.
• 2003: Gothika -- Minor role (I had no idea she was even in the movie. She's certainly not in the trailer.) in a bad horror movie that will serve only as an exhibit in the "What the hell happens to the careers of Best Actress winners?" in the Halle Berry wing.

She's in 3 other movies coming out later this year or next year, and since she's still young and pretty she's still working, but really, is she a movie star? I mean sure, she's in a lot of movies, and she's probably huge in Spain, but has she ever put an ass in a theater seat in the US or worldwide?  Ten bucks says she hooks up with another famous Hollywood actor within three months, just to keep her name in the papers.

¤ This one is so confusing, so "pot meets kettle," that it makes my head hurt.

John Kerry spoke in a church on his campaign run and dropped a biblical quote about people who talk a lot and don't do anything, in reference to Bush's long history of advancing noble plans and goals to glowing press coverage, and then forgetting them or cutting their funding when the media is no longer looking.  I'm not big on Bible quotes but hey, he's got to play to his audience to get votes.  When I'm out there running for president you can damn well bet this whole website will be just as much of a youthful indiscretion as Dubya's DUI arrests, and I'll be wearing crosses and kissing baby Jesii and the whole thing. Anyway:

ST. LOUIS - John Kerry cited a Bible verse Sunday to criticize leaders who have "faith but has no deeds," prompting President Bush's spokesman to accuse Kerry of exploiting Scripture for a political attack.

The Scriptures say, what does it profit, my brother, if someone says he has faith but does not have works?" Kerry said. "When we look at what is happening in America today, where are the works of compassion?"

It seems like a reasonable quote to my Biblically-ignorant ears; nothing about killing homosexuals or beating children or forcing women into submission. And can anyone deny the truth of it? (Take the Peace Corps, for example.)

Well, Bush's guys certainly don't seem to be able to do so, since rather than responding to the substance, they're doing their usual slime attack thing, and running around in a frenzy, saying that Kerry quoting from the Bible as part of his campaign effort is totally unacceptable and politicizing scripture and such. This from the most Christian president ever, one who was calling his Iraq Attack a "crusade" until his advisors got him to stop, one who constantly brings up Jesus his faith, one who has quoted scripture numerous times in speeches and especially in informal settings. Such as campaign fund raisers or meet and greet stops.

I'm not sure which was more astonishing; this, or the time a couple of weeks ago when Bush accused Kerry of politicizing 9/11 -- while his new re-election commercials featuring actors playing firefighters in a mock up of the WTC wreckage were on the air.

A couple of days ago it occurred to me that some sort of "Welcome to Black Champagne" intro page might be a good thing.  Not one that would load instead of the current main page, but something to link to in the nav bar that would contain a quick introduction for new readers.  Very quick autobio, mention of various site sections and their goals, recent additions, etc. At the time I wrote about that I asked readers for their thoughts on the subject, and if they (you) thought such a page was necessary or would be useful, and asked for feedback from regular readers on what they thought a new reader should read first or would find most useful or reflective of the usual site stuff.

There were a few replies, most of which said... things are fine just as they are. Here's the most detailed mail I received, with some other-topic stuff edited out.

I'm writing because in your recent post you asked us semi-regular guys to send comments about we "think a new visitor should read first to get the best feel for the site and content" you put there. Being that your site is currently set as my homepage and I read it nearly everyday, I would say that I qualify as a semi-regular. I would have to say that the daily blog that I"m greeted with when I start up IE is the best thing for a newcomer to read first. Personally speaking I find that it allows me a glimpse into not only your day to day excursions but also a peek inside your mind, character, and personality. As well as giving a bit of a feel for what should be expected in reading other sections on the site. Its like dipping your toe into the pool to test the water's temperture before jumping in I suppose, but that is simply my humble opinion.

That is what you were asking for though wasn't it. Other than that I would recommend that newcomers (I'm trying to avoid using euphemisms such as noob, newbie, etc... lol) read 3 particular sections of your site dubbed, "What is Black Champagne?", "Where Did You Come From?", and "Mission Statement".

Other than that I would say that your site is already set up well enough and simply enough that any fool who has been online long enough to figure out how to find your site, or even aimlessly land on it by randomly clicking links, should be able to also find anything they might be remotely to extremely interested in reading after having already discovered what this site, and you, seem to be all about.

-D

I like the idea of doing nothing differently, primarily because it requires zero effort. But at the same time I'm still considering doing some sort of introduction page.  Or I might just turn one of the existing underutilized intro pages ("Mission Statement" perhaps?) into that sort of page, and change the link to it to something more introductory.  "New Reader Guide" or something along those lines.

My reasoning is that I often go off on one topic or another at great length, and that the semi-daily blogs are representative of me and my site on a whole, but any given day or week might not be at all representative. And if I happen to be on a political kick, or a kitty photos kick, or whatever, the idea of a new arrival seeing that, growing bored and thinking I do that every day, and never returning to see other blog topics that they would have loved vexes me. It vexes me terribly.

And it probably vexes you also, since I believe I said exactly the same thing in yesterday's blog.

Here's another reader's opinion on the issue.

definitely the articles page, it gives a wide spectrum of the way you write

-6227

Now there's no telling if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but hey, I wanted "representative" didn't I?

On another topic, I'm returning to Harry Potter, and my own ongoing novel.  There's a connection there; trust me.

I sent a regular reader, C, a small portion of the reworked chapter one, and his comments on it tied nicely in to Harry Potter volume 1, and reflected something I had observed and wanted to comment on about it.

I'll quote him here, and the double indented part is him quoting a bit from the mini-chapter I sent him.

What a pleasant surprise! Thanks a lot for sharing parts of the re-written first chapter, it feels better. When I first read it, it felt that you lingered too much over Verna's motivations for joining the necromancer. Later on this feeling passed, however I feel that the following 2 paragraphs could be a bit shortened and joined into one:

Vena looked out into the night for a moment longer, and saw that if she were going to go, it would have to be very soon. Numerous torches were visible as men ran around the camp, no doubt awakened by the massive explosions the Necromancer had used to blast through this wall, if they hadn't already been awake due to the city bells. And if any had somehow slept through both, the rampaging golem and the fires it was setting would rouse them at last. The fire and chaos would surely draw the attention of the city guards, the Templars would follow them, and once soldiers started to arrive there was no way she could exit this room and slip off into the night.

And even if she could, where would she go without the Necromancer? She'd hardly been outside of Balain in her life, she had no other clothing to disguise herself in, and half the city would be hunting her. She was no ranger, ready to vanish into the forest and survive on snared rabbits and water she drank from tree leaves. And even if she had been, she'd never reach a forest to vanish into. The lands around Balain had been cleared and settled and farmed for generations; there was no more forest, at least none a man could reach in less than four or five day's walk, and she'd be overtaken by pursuers long before then.

Then again, this is not really that troubling. I just felt at the start of the second paragraph, that "damn girl, MOVE ALREADY". It is the 4th paragraph detailing her thoughts, and (to me at least) it seemed redundant. Other than this, it feels a lot better than the original. I wish you finished it soon, although I expect it will take at least a year for you to finish, and I do not expect to see the complete novel within 2 years... Ah well, most of the pleasure is in anticipation :) (Cliche, but true -- for Harry Potter. I am convinced it will not be the case with you.)

He's got a point, and this is the sort of stuff I fear I'll have to gut in my eventual editing of the story.  It's not bad stuff on its own, but it doesn't really advance the action. It does pain a more detailed picture of events, and of the thoughts of the character doing the thinking, but is it necessary?  Probably not.

There's a lot of this sort of thing, where I have a few paragraphs of narrative and action, and then several more of Vena's thoughts, or other character's thoughts later in the novel, after which I return to the action. In theory, their thoughts are flashing past, and taking only a second or two.  Think about it, if you were thinking the two paragraphs quoted above, they'd flash through your mind in a blink, and in much condensed form.  You wouldn't actually think about how you'd trap food and drink water in the forest, you'd just think that you couldn't (assuming you were a city dweller, like Vena is).  I only put in the mentions of specific actions since it reads better with them.

But no matter how quickly a person could think this sort of thing, and how likely it is that they would, it still might be too much and too long and too digression-y, and need to be edited quite a bit. And I have tons of this sort of stuff through the novel, and it's probably going to be quite a chore to trim it down, while also trimming down the other narrative and action and such to keep it moving along.

I don't know if it's a bad thing, but my writing style is very thorough and detailed, and while it works for me and I enjoy it, I imagine some readers would find it boring and think I was going on way too long about things they didn't care about.  I'll see, someday.

Continuing C's letter, as he segues to the Harry Potter (HP) discussion.  He didn't care much for the books.

Your necromancer story (talking about the original) feels mature. The main characters have depth (and a basic alignment of Neutral Evil in the DnD ruleset, my favorite alignment of all :), their motives are complex, and it takes more than two lines to describe them (for example, I believe that we did not truly get to know Quinoss throughout the whole chapter one, although we got to know some of his motives and values).

With the HP books you have characters in black and white (with the exception of Prof. Python, who actually helped Harry not to fall off the broom -- and I am delighted that he is played by Dogma's Metatron, the amazing Alan Rickman). While this is OK for the kids -- most 12-13 year old's do not have a truly complex personality -- it's really a showstopper when the grown-ups are so predictable and, well, *simple*.

This is something I noticed about the HP stuff, but to be as blunt as C, it's epidemic in popular fiction. The vast majority of literature (using the word loosely) that I read, especially Fantasy, is very simple, plain, and black/white. Good guys are good.  They may have some flaws but they are definitely good. Bad guys are bad, and exist almost exclusively to oppose the good guys.  Or else the good guys exist solely to try to stop whatever horrible, world-destroying plot the bad guys are working on. In either event, the world feels very small, and like nothing matters but the main protagonists. All other characters are much like the NPCs in a computer game; simply there to assist or hinder your quest.  They don't seem to have any lives of their own, and you never see anything happening that's not directly about what the main characters are doing.

This isn't necessarily bad, but it's sort of self-centered, and feels small.  Like the whole world revolves around the main characters.  This is very much the case with Harry Potter, where not a single other character in the book seems to do anything that's not related to the major plot, or Harry, or both. For example, they never see other students doing anything on their own, no one ever seems to get into trouble or go to the rescue other than Harry and his friends, all of the teachers seem to have their eyes on Harry 100% of the time, etc.

C's take on this.

Ok, let me be blunt. To me the HP books feel like your (normal) halloween stories. And I already said so, they are FUN, and better than most fan fiction on your (D2) site, but I've grown to expect more from you. Like the necro story, or some of your earlier works. And while I have no trouble seeing some lower quality work from you when I can see some really HQ and enjoyable pieces, it is somewhat maddening to see Rowling be praised so highly for something so --- mediocre. There are a ton of writers out there publishing (or hoping to publish, *wink-wink*) whose work surpasses the quality of the HP books, yet they get no fame. For 10 year-olds, it is a godsend, truly. If something can make them read 800+ pages, it already proved miraculous. But as fantasy goes, well, she's no Bruce :)

Ah well. We can discuss her again when you read the books. It'd be cool if I re-read them again to provide some more cunning arguments, but I seriously doubt I will have the inclination to do so.

I've just read the one HP book, and it wasn't bad, but it's like C says here. It's a good story, told well, but it's clearly for children. There's a little bit of mystery in the book, but I can't really judge how well it was presented, since I'd seen the HP1 movie, and it's about 97% identical to the book.  The book was better in some ways as it added more detail to things, but a lot of the stuff they left out of the movie was just fine on the cutting room floor. The best change in the movie was Hagrid taking Harry right off to the train station after he finds him on the island. In the book he takes him shopping, then sends him back home to wait for two months until school starts, and the time Harry spent back in Mundania, waiting to get on with the wizarding, was a boring lull and momentum killer.

The only real changes (minor spoilers here) from the book to the movie that I noticed were character ones. Harry's Aunt/Uncle being even meaner to him in the book than the movie.  Ron was just a bumbling doof in the movie while in the book he's more of a real character who isn't afraid to stand up to Draco when he talks shit. And Draco was an even bigger pussy in the book, picking on the weak when he could get away with it, and constantly trying to get Harry into trouble when he couldn't pick on him personally.

As for my overall take on HP1, I definitely need more than a simple 1-5 star rating system, like they have on Amazon.com for reader reviews. If all I can use is that, I'll give it a 3/5 rating, but with many comments.

If I can be more involved, I'll say it's a 4/5 kid's book.  5/5 for younger kids, but teens will find it a bit too plain and goody goody, and it needs more depth and complexity to challenge teens. Aside from Prof. Snape, there's not really a character in the book who isn't exactly what they seem at all times. The writing is great for kids, very clean and smooth, without being condescending or overly simplistic, though it fails to ever really shine.  I only remember one time I stopped and noted a really well-written phrase. (However, Rowling is 10x the writer that Brooks is, judging them both by the first books in their big fantasy series. Brooks' prose and narrative is a train wreck. Fan-fic quality in places.)

For adults, it's a 2/5, or possibly 3/5 if you're a big fan of fantasy. The world Rowling creates is fascinating, a mixture of modern reality with secret magic everywhere, and that's fun, and the school is nifty, and some of the characters are interesting. But Harry is the typical child of prophecy stereotype that every fantasy novel has, combined with the outsider who finally finds their place to shine (basically the story of every McCaffrey Dragonriders of Pern novel that's got a young character in it). Plus Rowling pulls out every stop to make Harry likeable/loveable. Orphan, evil step-parents, famous but humble, tries real hard but isn't perfect, is brave and virtuous, etc. His friends are both total clichés as well, with Hermoine being the bossy know it all and Ron the natural second fiddle, as is Draco his boy enemy, and the main evil wizard Valdemort, AKA "You-know-who" is nothing in the first novel, other than pure evil.  No depth or flavor to him at all. Which is fine for kids, but I'd like to think that adults want a bit more. Why is he bad?  What's his motivation to do what he does? He's not just some demonic boogeyman who exists to provide something for the good characters to battle against and fear, is he?

Since I did all that yapping about "novel structure" last week, I should comment that HP1 has almost no novel structure at all.  It's more a very long short story than a novel, since it's just a series of events in sequence. There's no real conclusion, and there are zero novel-style flashbacks, digressions, background scenes, info about characters who aren't essential to the main series of events, etc. There's one goal, and it leads to another, and it leads to another, and the overriding plot is discovered, but it advances almost accidentally until the book ends with a big "to be continued."

The book reads very quickly though (largely due to the prose, since the plot isn't really that stream-lined and the time flow isn't very well done, with weeks and months vanishing with no real sense of change or development to anyone in the book), and it's got such a great setting and characters you can't help but care about and root for, that you're left wanting more. I want to read HP2, despite my mediocre review of HP1, and I'm actually looking forward to HP3, since that one will be all new to me, since I haven't seen the movie version of it. I'll be able to give the most objective review of that one, since I can review the plot and development of it without already knowing what's going to happen later.

And for bonus fun, here's an image C attached to his email, that I found pretty funny.

This isn't quite fair, but it's true in its selective editing. It's also as much an indictment of the archetype-addicted Lucas as it is of HP1.  There's nothing original in the plot of SW; it's all cribbed and cobbled together from ancient myths and legends, courtesy of Joseph Campbell. It's only the setting that's changed from old legends to futuristic scifi.

Anyway, my overall on HP1.

• Writing: 3/5, due to it being a children's book.  5/5 for that target audience.
• Plot and characters: 3/5, with a decent plot, but far too many cliché characters.
• Overall: 3/5 or possibly even a 4/5, since it's somehow greater than the sum of its parts.

It's just a pleasant little fantasy book with some interesting characters, and not a bad read, but I'd certainly never have given it any real thought or analysis if it hadn't somehow become this huge international sensation. And honestly, I have no idea why it has.  I'll have to see if the series grows on me as I read more of it, but I'm really wondering about other kid's books. Are they so bad that this one is brilliant in comparison?

My only theory as to why so many adults like it is that it's comfort reading.  It's nothing great, but it's got a soothing structure and everyone loves to root for the loveable underdog as he triumphs against great odds.  Plus the world it takes place in is a lot of fun, much more fun than the real world, and most everyone likes to escape to a happier fairytale land from time to time.

Grab a copy from your local library if you haven't already read it; you'll enjoy the read in a quick, innocuous sort of way.  I did, at least.

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