Monday, October 31, 2005
Random stuff.
No blogging lately, but don't feel neglected, since I'm not doing anything else on the computer either. I didn't even have a chance to turn Malaya's laptop on Sunday, and that's after I spent maybe 30 minutes late Saturday night reading over the first 1/3 of the nearly-completed chapter 6. I've been doing stuff with the parents, shopping, eating out, eating in, watching TV, and generally being a lazy son of a bitch. What is this, a vacation? Plus, since I once again forgot to bring along the 50 foot Ethernet cable, I can't get this laptop online without carrying it into dad's office, unplugging his computer from the router, and plugging this one in. And as instant gratification as I am about blogging, it's hard to find the interest to type stuff out in here on wordpad, and then walk in there and hook it up and get it online.
It's funny too; I've been toiling away, on and off, for more than 3 years on a novel that only two people have seen any of, but that seems fine. I have no burning desire to stick parts of it online, though I have with a few deleted excerpts. Yet I can't find it in me to write a few paragraphs for a blog entry when there's a 2 minute delay built in by technical issues? Bleh. (Make that 10 minutes, since the blogger page turned every asterisk I pasted over from Apple Word into ASCII gobbledegook.)
If I were here for longer I'd do more, but with my return scheduled for Tuesday afternoon, I'm in a "I'll catch up tomorrow" mood. I've not written a word about the Blizcon stuff, either for my own use or for the D2 site's, and I'll have to get on that Tuesday evening, while some memories remain. I'm just going to go through the dozens of pictures I took from there and do a sort of retroactive live blogging thing, with images to comment on and spur my memory. It will be an entirely content free article, when it comes to gaming info, but what else is new around here...
One thing I am enjoying on this trip/vacation is a book. I brought along Harry Potter 6, finally meaning to get started reading it, especially with the much-desired
Feast of Crows coming out in a week. Yet as I sat in the Oakland airport Thursday afternoon, over an hour early for my departing flight (They make you check in an hour and a half early so you’ll have more time to wait at the gate, I think.) what book did I pull out? Not Harry Potter, but another one I brought on a whim.
First King of Shannara, by Terry Brooks.
I picked it up in paperback at a library give away some months ago, but had never opened it until Thursday. Why I picked it up or brought it along is unknown, given
my unmitigated scorn of the first two Shannara books by Brooks, but I'm going to blame it on curiosity. He'd written around twenty best sellers in his fantasy universe -- they couldn't all be that bad, could they? He had to get some original, non-Tolkien/lite ideas eventually, didn't he? His prose had to improve after his first couple of dull, seemingly-unedited novels, didn’t it?
Well there's good news about all of the above.
First King of Shannara is the 13th novel in the series, and while it's still not very good, and it's kind of "Fantasy Novel 101" in form and characterization, it's not unreadable. The action scenes are okay, the battles make sense, the characters aren't loathsome, the bad guys are bad, the good guys are noble and heroic, and the writing is tolerable. Plus it's not so blatantly Tolkien-derived as to make my teeth hurt (unlike the first two ADA-sponsored efforts). I'm on page 337 with about 100 to go, and while I've never for an instant doubted that the good guys will triumph and the evil lord will be defeated, their various quests and adventures along the way are enjoyable enough to keep me reading.
This novel is apparently a prequel, of sorts, or at least it's set like 800 years before events in later books. Fortunately for Brooks' need to be lazy, his land has seen zero technological development over that time, so everything in this one reads exactly like things did in the first two novels. I just think it's set earlier because I recall references in the first two novels to events and characters that are featured in this one. And I'm probably glad I don’t know the later books well enough that these would give me
Episode 1-3 douche-chills as everything is foreshadowed with 2x4 subtlety.
On the down side, the dialogue is still quite wretched, with endless long expository monologues where one character explains exactly what they've been doing, how they feel, what they're thinking, and so on, and then the other one in the "conversation" does the same thing in turn. It's not as bad as the first two books were, but it's still very artificial and jarring when you witness it.
The characters are also pretty lame, just in terms of being cookie cutter fantasy types, following the mold created by Tolkien and others (including Brooks himself, I suppose). The mages are mysterious and powerful, the warriors are noble and hot-headed, the women are mysterious and beautiful, and so on. Brooks is also very lazy about the races; there's really nothing to set elves, dwarves, gnomes, humans, and trolls apart other than height and physical strength. They could all be humans of different tribes without making the slightest difference in the book. No one has any cultural issues, they all speak the same language (or else the characters who meet up conveniently all speak overlapping languages), and if Brooks doesn’t actually say, "So and so, the elf" you have no way to know what sort of character is now being encountered. Not that it ever really matters.
There's also zero insight into the bad guys. They're just bad and evil and murderous and they want to kill and destroy, and they don't need a reason. The good guys are pretty much the same though; none ever consider running away or trying to negotiate or just avoid conflict. They march nobly out to face the enemy, and they want only to achieve freedom for their people, and they just want everyone to be friends and live in peace, and so on. None have any private envies or jealousies or desires, or fears, or sloth, or anything that would make them human. There are various characters on the side of the good guys who do betrayals or stupid things, but that's their one-aspect; they're as one-dimensional as the heroic good guys and the dastardly bad guys, in their own way.
For a fantasy novel targeted at the undemanding "young adult" market though, it's just what it needs to be. It doesn't make you think, it gives you a lot of adventure, and the plot keeps moving with one event after another. It can't really be compared to quality adult fiction, but I've read worse. Frequently by the same author. I'll add a full review once I've finished it, an event that will likely occur on the flight home tomorrow.
And yes, I've laughed at myself a few times while reading the novel, as I give the author a soft little golf-clap for not completely sucking. Terry Brooks, multi-millionaire, multi-multi-best selling famous author, who surely has winning the mild approval of random aspiring author idiot with a blog right on top of his, "please God before I die" list.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
San Diego, Blizcon, etc
Just a quick note here from my dad's old computer with the janky keyboard. I did go to Blizcon on Friday, but got bored (to no one's surprise) and decided one day was plenty. So I left there around 5, met my mom's old friend who I've known since I was 9 and had dinner with her in Santa Monica, and then I drove back here last night, greatly aided on mydrive by several long cell phone conversations with Malaya, my mom, and my dad. Aided in terms of keeping me awake, since I'd been up since 5 (after literally zero sleep Wednesday night) and was fading badly. It's funny but true; talking really does keep you awake.
I hardly made the 40 mile drive from Anaheim to Santa Monica, was wide awake for 3 hours of dinner and talk, and then after 30 minutes and 10 miles on the 405 south at 9pm, (LA traffic is all you've ever heard and worse) I was literally shaking myself to stay awake.
Blizcon was pretty good. Better than I had expected, though the 2+ hour line to get in, at 11am opening day, was kind of a disaster. Luckily, my pass was at the press window, which had 3 people working it and a 1 person line. No, I didn't feel guilty for that. Not even a little bit. The goodie bag was pretty cool too, with a Blizcon and a WoW t-shirt, a black Diablo rubber bracelet, a Bliz key chain, deck of cards with custom bliz artwork on the face cards and aces, and some other misc stuff. As for the games there; WoW X looked exactly like WoW, and if you'd told me SC Ghost was Halo, Iwouldn't have known any different. I played neither, even though there was never a line to get in on the 16 person SC Ghost deathmatches they had going. There were an astonishing amount of computers set up too, at least 1000 in total, probably more like 1500, with rows and rows and rows of them set up running the WoW expansion, more for regular WoW battlegrounds, hundreds more for SC Ghost, many more for the other gaming tournaments, etc. I'd hate to have been the tech support guy for that set up.
I took tons of photos and will write up something for the d2 site at some point, but I went to bed as soon as I got back to dad's house last night and slept for 11 hours, and now we're going out to run errands and do some other stuff here, so don't expect further word from me until tonight or Sunday. Not that any of you were eagerly awaiting me anyway. Look at worldofwar.net if you want some blizcon stuff, Rush was uploading cam corder movies he'd taken at the morning address, and there were a bunch of new cinematics and such. New to me, at least, with a long SC Ghost one that basically recreated the plot of Starship Troopers. The big SC Ghost innovation was that now you can play as a Zerg, too. AVP anyone?
The best thing about that title? The blonde booth babe they had roaming around with a huge plastic gun and skin tight outfit. She really looked the part too, though it was impossible to envision this dainty, 5 foot blonde in grey spandex as a dangerous assassin. Unfortunately her costume did not light up with cool glowing blue stripes, unlike the life size statue they had on display. And yes, I took photos of that too. Anyway, more later, when I'm typing on a decent keyboard and have time to think.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Halloween News
Two timely articles with Halloween coming up on Monday.
Every year, in America at least, there are hysterical articles about the dangers of poisoned candy, or candy apples with needles in them, or candy bars with razor blades, and so on. The only problem?
It's never actually happened:
Each year, police and medical centers across the country follow another ritual, X-raying candy to check for razors, needles, or other objects that might have been placed there to hurt or kill innocent children. Special events are held that offer kids "a safe Halloween," suggesting that there are real lurking dangers far worse than spooky costumes.
Yet year after year, few if any sinister foreign objects are found. This scary tale is essentially an urban legend.
Despite e-mail warnings, scary stories, and Ann Landers columns to the contrary, there have been only two confirmed cases of children being killed by poisoned Halloween candy, and in both cases the children were killed not in a random act by strangers but intentional murder by one of their parents. The best-known, "original" case was that of Texan Ronald Clark O'Bryan, who killed his son by lacing his Pixie Stix with cyanide in 1974.
...
There's no need to waste medical facility or police time making sure that a small free candy bar is safe to eat.
Children are in far more danger from being hit by a car on a dark street.
X-raying candy helps parents feel like they are protecting their children, but in fact parents are simply wasting resources and feeding children's fears unnecessarily.
I love the common sense at the end, there. Why in the hell are people x-raying free candy bars if they're really concerned? Just spend $5 on a couple of bags of them at the store and have your kid eat those. If you seriously thought there might be tampering with the food your child was going to eat, why on earth would you trust an x-ray, when it would be infinitely easier for some unknown psycho to drip some rat poison, or peanut oil extract, or whatever, over the candy?
Elsewhere, there's a
Yahoo news item about some anti-Halloween backlash in Europe, as the holiday gets more and more popular around the world.
"It's an American custom that's got nothing to do with our culture," Kohler wrote in letters sent out to households. By midweek, the mayors of eight neighboring villages had thrown their support behind the boycott. So had local police, annoyed with the annual Oct. 31 uptick in vandalism and mischief.
Although Halloween has become increasingly popular across Europe — complete with carved pumpkins, witches on broomsticks, makeshift houses of horror and costumed children rushing door to door for candy — it's begun to breed a backlash.
Critics see it as the epitome of crass, U.S.-style commercialism. Clerics and conservatives contend it clashes with the spirit of traditional Nov. 1 All Saints' Day remembrances.
...
Halloween "undermines our cultural identity," complained the Rev. Giordano Frosini, a Roman Catholic theologian who serves as vicar-general in the Diocese of Pistoia near Florence, Italy.
Frosini denounced the holiday as a "manifestation of neo-paganism" and an expression of American cultural supremacy. "Pumpkins show their emptiness," he said.
...
In Austria, where many families get a government child allowance, "parents who abuse it to buy Halloween plunder for their kids should be forced to pay back the aid," grumbled Othmar Berbig, an Austrian who backs the small but strident boycott movement.
In Sweden, even as Halloween's popularity has increased, so have views of the holiday as an "unnecessary, bad American custom," said Bodil Nildin-Wall, an expert at the Language and Folklore Institute in Uppsala.
Italy's Papaboys, a group of pope devotees who include some of the young Catholics who cheer wildly at Vatican events, have urged Christians not to take part in what they consider "a party in honor of Satan and hell," and plan to stage prayer vigils nationwide that night.
Bad news guys; the same type of people (curmudgeons, religious leaders, anti-crass consumerism folks, etc) have been protesting Halloween for the same type of reasons in the US for my entire conscious life, and the holiday has done nothing but steadily increase in popularity. I'd say give up now, but since people protesting this sort of thing are more about getting some personal recognition than actually stopping whatever they're protesting, it's not like they'd listen.
Blue-eyed, blonde-haired, racists.
I thought this was a joke at first, but apparently it's serious. See
these adorable, singing, 13 y/o sisters? They're as cute and blissfully devoid of talent as the formerly popular and virginal Olsen Twins, and their daddy is raising them up to be good little hate-filled crackers. They do hippie-sounding folk music type songs with aimless guitar strumming, and coded, white supremacist lyrics.
Check out their blog!
It all sounds like a bad sketch on Saturday Night Live, but it's quite real. The twins and their parasitic family members were even the focus of an ABC News Magazine special,
which you can view here, if you have the stomach for it. The weirdest things in the news special are the shots of them in concert at the various biker bar hellholes Nazi music is played in. There are these two adorable little white children on stage, strumming and yodeling tunelessly away, while scary ex-con looking skinheads, guys who would no doubt eat the children alive in one second if they weren't fellow Aryan Nationalists, and who clearly came for head banging, insteady throw mindless Nazi salutes with their flabby, entirely tattoo-covered right arms. While the girls strum away in front of them, apparently comfortable with the whole situation, since that's what daddy's trained them to do.
I guess it's disturbing because the children look innocent and sweet (Why exactly do we associate that with white blonde children more than any other hair color or ethnic group?) and we expect them to be nice and friendly. And when you see them being interviewed and talking about how they liked Hitler's ideas and such, it's just depressing. Like a 13 year old suicide bomber, with a mind already poisoned by the lies and manipulations of their sick parents. Obviously the girls, who have been doing this since they wre 9, have no real clue what they're saying or singing. They're just doing what their parents taught them to do, which is what makes it all the more tragic.
And yet, this being America, with freedom of speech and expression and religion, what can you do? The whole point of freedom of speech is that you have to support that even for speech you personally find abhorrent. That's not to say you can't vigorously argue against the points they make, but you've gotta grant them the right to say it. And while there aren't any lyrics from the twins online, I don't think they're doing the white death metal thing and singing about killing blacks or jews or whatever. Not yet, at least. It's hate music for kids!
Flux + Weekend = Elsewhere
I've not blogged much lately since (amongst other reasons) I'm working hard on the book, trying to finish editing chapter 6 (another 55k words) so I can print it out and take it with me when I head down to San Diego on Thursday. Mom has been reading the chapters, you see, and since I've got 5 sitting here ready to go as well, I'd like to double the pleasure.
As for the vacation trip thing, I'm theoretically going down mostly for
BlizzCon, which takes place Friday and Saturday. The plan is to fly down on Thursday, borrow mom's car to drive up to Anaheim Friday morning, stay overnight with an old friend Saturday, hit day 2 of Blizcon, and then drive back to SD that afternoon. And no, the sizzling allure of an Offspring concert wasn't enough to keep me there late. Not with a two hour drive home afterwards, at least. I'll then do various things with the parents Sunday and Monday, before returning home Tuesday afternoon.
As a result, you can probably expect blogging to continue to be rather light until early next week. That's not a promise though; sometimes I end up with a lot of free time and blogging thougths while on vacation, and since I'll have a laptop with me, there may be blogging galore. I'll at least be writing up some sort of article about Blizcon, though that'll be posted on the D2 site, or perhaps on Loaded Inc, the main site for the .net work.
The ironic part is that I was only going down to Blizcon and adding in the SD visit because Rush and Elly asked me to and were going to provide me with a Blizcon ticket. They're over in Scotland and weren't about to spend $1000+ and 18 hours flying time each way just to attend a two day gaming convention with nothing new other than some early WoWx footage. I asked them if they really wanted me to go, if they couldn't find someone in the SoCal area who cared about WoW and wanted to write about it, if they really cared, etc. They had no one else and wanted me to go, and then last week Rush mailed me and said that Blizzard Europe had suddenly decided to send him along. Perhaps no one in Europe was paying attention to BlizzCon and they wanted some UK attention? I dunno, but I was pretty annoyed at that news, since I wouldn't have gone if they hadn't needed me to, and suddenly... they didn't need me to.
Well, I wasn't
that annoyed, or I would have cancelled the plane tickets. I didn't, but only because my parents were all excited about my visit and making plans for us to do stuff while I'm there. So I'm going, even though BlizCon is pretty much irrelevant to me at this point, and who knows, maybe I'll even enjoy myself a bit if I can pretend it's a voluntary vacation. I doubt anyone reading this is going, but if you are and you see me, feel free to say "Hi." I'll be the bored one in the Blizzard North t-shirt.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Football!
Despite all my bitching about the awful NFL options on Bay Area TV, there have been some decent games on today. I taped the 49ers@Washington game from 10-1, and when I got up at 1:15 I turned on the TV, just in time to see SD lose at Philly. It was on CBS, who was showing the late game, but apparently when their telecast time began at 1, they chose to show the end of an early game rather than the start of the late game.
Lucky me, the only team I sorta root for was on!
Unlucky me, since SD was down 20-17 with 2 minutes to go, and they promptly completed a pass on 3rd and 10 at about the Philly 40. The WR dodged the CB, broke another tackle, ran it down to the 19... and got stripped like the proverbial bitch by a single arm tackle. Eagles recovered, long and unnecessary replay confirmed it, and that was that.
Reading
the game wrapup now, it was even worse than that. SD's superstar running back was completely shut down, so I guess Philly was blitzing and selling out against the run all afternoon. SD still should have won, since they were ahead 17-13 with 2:20 to play, when their OT-clenching field goal was blocked (that never happens in the NFL) and then returned 60 yards for a touchdown (which also never happens in the NFL).
The Chargers' coach gets a lot of shit for always folding up in the playoffs, but hey, at least he gets there in the first place. That being said, they were 12-4 last year and they're 3-4 this year, with all 3 wins by more than 20 points, and all 4 losses by 3 or less. So are they a great team whose coach keeps choking away close games? Or have they just gotten lucky three times, or what?
After that, the late game eventually came on, and it's NYG@Denver, despite the local TV listings still claiming that the Oakland game would be on. I considered watching it, but after watching football on tape all year, I just found the live version intolerable. The first quarter was nearly over by the time they switched away from the end of the SD@Philly game, and I witnessed a sequence of 3 actual plays in about a 15 minute stretch.
Seriously. They were in commercials, came back for a Denver FG, went to more commercials, came back for the kick off (which was a touchback), went to more commercials, came back and ran one play, at which point the first quarter ended and they went to... you guessed it... more commercials. I had time to cut up a huge bowl of salad ingredients (cucumber, zuchini, carrots, red onion, black olives, broccoli, tomatoes, red and green bell pepper), tear up a bunch of lettuce, throw in some of the ingredients, sprinkle it with shredded cheese, put on dressing, put away all of the remaining ingredients, clean up the kitchen and come back into the living room... and I hadn't missed a single play.
At that point I got sick of waiting and played the taped game, which was a highly-entertaining blowout. Lots of points, and since I didn't care who won, I liked it for the scoring. The
49ers lost 52-17 to the Redskins, and if you think that's bad, consider that it was 52-7 with 6 minutes to play. At that point the Redskins' defense was all backups, and the 49ers went 40 yards, kicked a FG, got the ball back with 2 minutes to go, and on a simple dive into the middle by a backup running back, a play simply meant to run the clock and get things over with, the RB bounced off the back of his line, scrambled to the left, found a seam, and miraculously ran 72 yards for a touchdown.
So when you look at that box score and see that the total yardage was 194 to 457, remember that 72 of the 49ers woeful 194 yards came as a complete fluke, on their last play, and that another 45 or so came on their second to last possession, against backup defenders. So yeah, they actually gained something like 85 yards during the 50 minutes that the Redskins were trying.
The funny thing was that the 49ers offense didn't look that bad. Their defense was completely non-existent, letting Washington move the ball at will, by ground or air, but on offense the 49ers tried... they were just helpless. Washington seemed to have about 15 guys on the field at all times, since they rushed at least six guys on every single play, frequently more like 7 or 8, and yet whenever the 49ers rookie QB survived long enough to throw it, his receivers were always tightly-covered. I would assume it was the QB's fault, but he was under seige by a blitz of Biblical proportions all afternoon, and whenever he threw it, he never had anyone open. It was reminiscent of those college games where Florida State or Miami or whoever plays someone like Duke, or Wake Forest, and you actually feel sorry for the completely helpless small school, since it seems like they're playing with about 3 fewer players.
The 49ers had so little time to throw that it seemed like every pass was either a quick slant or an out to a smothered receiver, or a long bomb, since that's the only way their QB could stay upright long enough to throw the ball more than 10 yards downfield. They never ran any sort of delayed crossing pattern, or screen, or hook route, since they literally never had the time, with the swarm of Redskin defenders around their line of scrimmage. Washington simply attacked with 2/3 of their defense on every play, and apparently none of the 49ers receivers are good enough to require double coverage. In short, Washington made it look ridiculously easy. The final score was not deceptive at all; if they'd played a doubleheader, game two would have been another 42-7 type score. It was as one-sided a football game as I've ever seen.
And when it ended, I had the end of the
GB@Minn game on the tape, and that was unexpectedly entertaining too. Both teams suck, but GB was supposed to be 1-4 this year. Minnesota was supposed to be a playoff team, but they lost their first two games in diastrous fashion, and now half their defense is under investigation for participating in some sort of
stripper/whore boat orgy. As you'd expect from such a group of dead men walking, GB leaped out to a 17-0 lead at the half, before deciding to show that they deserve their 1-4 record too, and doing nothing for 2 quarters, allowing Minnesota to score 20 straight points. At that point GB got a clue and tied the game with a field goal with 24 seconds left. At that point, just wanting the game to end so I could see some of the early highlights on the post game show, I asked aloud, to no one in particular, "Did anyone really want to see these godawful teams play overtime?"
The football gods must have heard my plea, since GB made only a minimal effort to tackle on the kickoff, and allowed the Minn return guy to bounce around and get to his own 35. GB then expertly-deployed the prevent defense, rushing no one and covering deep, which allowed Minnesota to throw a pair of short passes and gain 25 yards in 15 seconds.
Then, with 2 seconds left the Minn kicker nailed a 56 yard kick, his career long, and mercifully we were spared overtime. And there was great exultation amongst the Minnesota faithful. "Two and four! Two and four!" Yes, and when they finish the season at 5-11, their new coach can look back on this key victory and blame it for moving them from 4th to the 9th pick in the draft, causing them to just miss the college player they most wanted.
While typing this I've been taping the late Den@NYG game, so I can watch that and then the taped NFL highlights later. (It's sad, but you've got to tape even the highlight shows now, since Chris Berman just can not shut up with his impossibly-superficial analysis.)
Apparently there's baseball on later too, but my interest in the world series is non-existent, so I'll see the score later, at most. The paraphrased quote of the post season thus far came from Malaya, when I remarked that the White Sox were in the playoffs, and she asked, "Those aren't the Red Sox? There are two teams named after their sock color? What city are they from?" Yes, the other
other Chicago baseball team, the one no one cares about. Even in Chicago. I'm sure the FOX TV execs were just overjoyed when the Yankees and Red Sox exited the post season without much of a struggle, clearing the way for national indifference in the face of an Anaheim/Chicago ALCS, and resultant World Series. Chicago's up 1-0 in the series, leading to a scene where Chicago city officials gather in a room to ask each other, "So, do we have a parade if we win, or what? What if no one turns up, and it's just a bunch of Latino guys riding down empty streets in convertibles?"
If they win three more times I guess we'll find out, eh? It probably beats a Houston win though, since that victory parade would inevitably end in a jumble of twisted metal and exultation, when the
Streetcar Named Disaster plowed into the convertible holding the universally-reviled Roger Clemons and severed both his pitching arm and penis, simultaneously preventing him from winning any more games and giving birth to any more
K-named children.
Volkswagen Auto Towers
I know little about this, but I saw the photo on German Yahoo, and thought it was just too cool not to reproduce. Yes, that's as big as it looks, and those are full-sized Volkswagens, and that's a scary-big elevator without anything even resembling safety rails. Here's the image caption:
A Volkswagen Polo is loaded in the "Car Towers" of the VW Autostadt in Wolfsburg, northern Germany, pictured on Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2005. The Autostadt, situated next to Volkswagen's headquarter, is Volkswagen's theme park, and distribution centre where daily 5500 visitors view Volkswagen brands like Bentley, Audi, Lamborghini. (AP Photo/Fabian Bimmer)
A quick search turned up a lot
of articles that made mention of the car towers, but they all seem to cover the computers and mechanized operation of the facility, rather than talking about what it looks like, why they made it that way, etc.
The official site isn't much more informative, and it sounds like those towers are just futuristic parking lots, rather than some sort of magical vending machines. Pity that.
At Autostadt, collecting your new car is an event in itself. The best idea is to begin that special day with a relaxing trip to Autostadt followed by a tour until the big moment arrives: In a fully automated procedure, your new car is brought down to you from one of the 20-story Car Towers. Large signboards in the Customer Center show you when your turn has come. Then, you're handed the keys, your picture is taken, the glass doors open and your brand-new car appears. You're all set to go.
I was trying to envision some sort of viewing area that would let you climb up and down staircases, or ladders, or wear a jetpack as you zipped around and looked over the cars. But even with that, you couldn't get in them (not with a 20 story drop behind you) or test drive them or specify the options and colors and such you wanted. It's still a nifty way to see your new car come out, but it's more novelty than revolution.
Movies and trailers.
I haven't blogged about films in a while, other than belatedly reviewing them, because there haven't been any movies I've cared about. That still hasn't changed, but since I spent the last half hour checking out some new trailers, I might as well mention them.
First of all, the one new major film this weekend didn't interest us. It's Doom, and the reviews are about what you'd expect for a mindless action shoot-em-up that aspires to be a rip off of Aliens. 21% on RT, but at least it's not horrible; most of the reviews are bad, but they're not horrible. It's at 32% on Metacritic, which isn't good, but at least it's not getting zero star scores. Which, for a video game movie, is something of an achievement.
As for the trailers, there are a ton. Apple's Quicktime Trailer Page has undergone some renovations, and they've added a lot of high definiton trailers. These are pretty much broadband only, checking in at at least 70meg, and rising all the way up to 160meg and more for the best ones. They are glorious to behold too, with near-DVD image quality. Unfortunately for me, my nearly three year old computer can't handle them. Not even the small ones; I get the sound, but it's like watching a slide show with a new image about every three seconds. Malaya's somewhat newer iMac does a better job, but she still can't watch the large ones. Did you ever think you'd see the day when your computer needed an upgrade to watch a movie trailer? If your machine can handle the load, check them out though; quite a few are worth watching just for the imagery and such, even if you don't much care about the movie.
The biggest one I've yet tried to view is V for Vendetta, the larger version of which is 136meg and displays in a gigantic 1920x1080. So yeah, you need a new, powerful computer, and a monitor with enormous resolution, or best yet, one of those glorious Apple Cinema Displays that are so gorgeous they're worth venturing into the hacky sack-scented environs of an Apple store just to drool over.
As for V for Vendetta... eh. Check out the normal trailer, if you can't swing the big ones. The movie is an adaptation of a comic book no one has ever heard of, produced by the unspellable-Wachzowski Brothers (of Matrix fame/infamy) and directed by the 1st A.D. on Matrix 2 and 3. Whether or not that's a good resume is open to debate. I've still never brought myself to watch Matrix 3 on DVD; the initial theater viewing was so depressing. Vendetta might be pretty cool, and I like that they didn't bow to pressure to change plot elements around (it's set in a futuristic fascistic England and features bombings) after recent real life terrorist events in London. The trailer has grown on me over time, but it's initially very hard to get past the silly Mardi Gras mask the good guy terrorist/freedom fighter wears. Plus he spends the entire trailer hurling ornate daggers (which are not properly balanced to be thrown) at people armed with machine guns. Hasn't he heard what happens to people who bring a knives to gun fights?
Elsewhere, the full trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia is online. (Only on AOL Moviefone, but for once they don't make it too hard to find the link to the big Quicktime version. It's not yet available in HD.) I have never read the books, so I know nothing about the story, but the film looks interesting if only for the sheer amount of completely CG characters. There are talking lions, hawks, moles, and all sorts of goblins, trolls, and other monsters, so it will be interesting to see if people can suspend their disbelief and get into the film. Some people balked at Gollum, never getting over the fact that he was just a bunch of pixels. How are they going to handle lip synching CGI lions and moles and such?
I doubt kids will have any trouble with it, but the all-too-perfect lip synching can get sorta close to uncanny valley issues, for adults. Especially if you think about how completely unsuited to producing human speech the mouths and tongues and fangs and vocal cords are of the animals in question. As always when attending a Hollywood movie, it's best that you don't think.
There's a second Underworld movie coming out (no, really) and it's now got a trailer online. Judging from the not-too-spoilery trailer, the plot of Underworld: Evolution seems to pick up shortly after the first film ended, with Selene, the female vampire lead from the first film, on the run from both Vampires and Werewolves. She's trying to find and un-imprison the first werewolf ever, or something like that, for some reason that will likely make zero sense. As such the film seems to be set largely outdoors, though always outdoors at night, conveniently enough. (As I noted in my absurdly long review of the first mediocre Underworld film, there was never any mention of sunlight whatsoever, and all of the vampires lives in buildings with floor to ceiling windows.)
One of the vampires (who appear to be the bad guys in this one) has somehow grown huge bat wings, and much of the trailer shows him swooping around the night sky and attacking people. I predict an ending fight between him and the super werewolf in which they kill each other, or one survives and has to be killed by Selene, in order to save the world. Why a vampire wants to save the world (I.E. common people) will not be explained. (And yes, Underworld: Evolution seems to be a combination of the worst parts of the plot of Blade Trinity and Van Helsing. That is not a good sign.)
The odd part is that I never saw Scott Speedman in the trailer. He played the male lead in Underworld, a half vampire/half werewolf (don't ask) who Selene falls in love with. I figured they'd written him out of this one, and then when the trailer ends and the credits roll... he's listed second, after Kate Beckinsale. There are a lot of shots of a white werewolf in the trailer. Is that him? Wasn't he black in the first film? Is he never in human form anymore? Or is the trailer just oddly-edited so that we never see the male co-star?
Tom Yum Goong is the next Tony Jaa film, and after Malaya and I loved Ong Bak (strictly for the amazing martial arts), we were immediately interested in this one. Unfortunately, as seems to be the case with all imported films that involve subtitles or dubbing, Tom Yum Goong opened in August in most of Asia, opens in Europe early in 2006, and isn't set for release in the US until December 31, 2006. Which is, I assume, the date they stick on films that will actually open here sometime between next year and never. We'll have to try and track this one down sooner, ordering a copy on VCD from the Philippines or picking one up in one of the little shops in Chinatown or something. Hell, we've never even seen Ong Bak on DVD yet anywhere, and might just have to buy it from Amazon.
I would have liked to watch the new flim clips from Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic, but they're on iFilm, and I can't watch anything there. I don't know which of my security features stops it, but their pop up viewing windows simply do not function. I click; nothing happens. And yes, I've turned off my browser and anti virus pop up blocker, to no avail. So I went and watched the trailer again. And laughed all through it, again. It's recommended, obviously.
It feels like I've been blogging about and wanting to see Night Watch for like two years, until I check the date and realize... I have! Christ it takes forever for any decent foreign films to show up in the US. Anyway, a cool for trailer forDay Watch,the second film in the Night Watch trilogy, is now online. It's in Russian, with no subtitles, and there are far fewer Matrix-esque, reality-bending special effects shots in this one than in the Night Watch trailer. But I still want to see it. And at the rate they're going I might be able to get the whole trilogy, with subtitles, in the US, by 2011 or so.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Things of the Day, Weekend Edition
Quote of the Day: (
QotD Archives)
"If you believe in God, you believe in a supernatural power which does not have to obey the laws of science. Trying to discredit it by pointing out scientific implausibility is futile. Believers shouldn't need science to justify their belief in God. They have faith... Christianity is non-rational. It is a historical invention, and once the assumption that everyone should believe in it is removed, no amount of reshuffling the details can alter its essential absurdity. Trying to defend religion by invoking science is like claiming that three plus four equals ice cream."
--Decca Aitkenhead
Soul-Devouring Worry:Insufficient shiny clothing.
Answer of the Day:Because rust may form on even the most over-lubricated parts.
Curse of the Day:May your lettuce forever outlast your salad ingredients.
Books Lying Open:Harry Potter 6, by J. K. Rowling
The Eight, by Kahterine Neville
Movies to see list:
Jesus is Magic, November 11th (Wait for the DVD.)
Harry Potter 4, November 18th (maybe)
Tom Yum Goong, >God only knows.
Military Confusion
Here's an article that got me thinking about an issue I've long been perplexed by.
RALEIGH, N.C. - Scores of illegal immigrants working as cooks, laborers, janitors, even foreign-language instructors have been seized at military bases around the country in the past year, raising concerns in some quarters about security and troop safety.
The immigrants did not work directly for the military but for private contractors, as part of a large-scale effort by the Pentagon to outsource many routine rear-echelon jobs and free up the troops to concentrate on waging war.
...
This month, officials arrested three foreign language instructors at Fort Bragg. Over the summer, authorities apprehended 74 construction workers lacking documentation at Camp Lejeune, the Marines' major base on the Atlantic Ocean, and caught 49 illegal immigrants at North Carolina's Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. Illegals have also been caught at bases in Idaho and Florida.
Some of them were deported; others were escorted off base and released.
The total of about 150 does not include those working for military contractors off base. The off-base arrests have included hundreds of illegal immigrants hired to prepare field rations by a Texas company that admitted falsifying their employment records. Off-base arrests have also been made in North Carolina, Mississippi and California.
In North Carolina, the military paid contractors $823 million this year and last to perform work at Fort Bragg, Camp Lejeune and Seymour Johnson. Such outsourcing is likely to increase, said defense analyst Loren Thompson of The Lexington Institute.
The basic problem is that rather than having soldiers do the cooking, cleaning, and other non-combat work, the military is increasingly contracting with private companies like Halliburton. (And paying far, far more of our tax dollars to have them do it than it would cost to do it themselves. You didn't think Halliburton and all the others gave millions a year in "campaign contributions" for fun, did you?) They do these tasks poorly, at best (see
this post about Heather Yarbrough, or read any of the
daily articles about a complete lack of
oversight and accountability for the billions we're pissing into reconstruction ratholes in Iraq and New Orleans.) but keep getting the contracts thanks to political connections, and as military recruiting continues to fall short of goals, and the National Guard continues to be grossly overextended in a foreign country, this practice will only increase. And the companies getting these contracts will continue to perform them to the absolutely minimum level, and as cheaply as possibly, which guarantees that they will continue to hire illegal immigrants for the work.
Okay, that's all depressing and horrible, but what I've never understood about the military is how they get a blank check for every operation, but how like 0.0001% of that money actually goes to the soldiers or other human elements. Why is it okay that we have billion dollar aircraft and tanks and such being operated and repaired by men and women earning vastly sub-minimum wage? Low level soldiers, sailors, etc earn like $15,000 a year, while working every day, living in crappy barracks in the Iraqi desert, risking their lives, and doing absolutely critical tasks. Meanwhile, Halliburton gets multi-billion contracts, pays foreign nationals in Kuwait $3 a day to do the work they require, charges our armed forces $10 a gallon for gas, and watches their profits and stock price soar.
How does that make sense on any level? How about we increase pay for all active duty military personnel by about 500%, hire a battalion of auditors and accountants to pour over the books, take about $50 billion back from what Halliburton and others have skimmed off the top, and greatly increase standards and requirements for future work? The budget would come out $40b ahead, the recruiting problems would vanish overnight, morale would improve, good people would stay in the service longer, and no one but the blood-sucking parasite defense contractors would be inconvenienced. It's a win win across the board!
Now the chances of anything like this ever happening, with business interests basically merged with the Republican Party leadership, are far less than zero. I mean good lord, the Vice President was Halliburton's CEO 5 years ago, and he and others in the administration will go right back to those types of jobs when they leave public office (potential jail time aside). But it's fun to dream about easy ways to save billions of dollars while strenghtening the national defense, isn't it?
NFL Weekend
I post about this every weekend, and I'm as sick off writing them as you are of (not) reading them. But Jesus Christ, they did it to me again. Sunday's NFL games on Bay Area TV: 10am, SF@Washington. 1pm, Buffalo@Oakland. And no, there's no third game on. Who could possibly want for more than those two examples of professional football excitement?
The real suckery is that last week's Oakland home game featured San Diego, my fave team, and it was not on local TV. Yet this week, with the bland and boring Bills in town, it's on TV. WTF? I keep wondering why there are never two games on at the same time, and I thought maybe it was due to some sort of fan-fucking NFL on TV rule that when the local team is on TV, there can't be another game competing with it. Such a rule would make no sense, but even beside that, it doesn't exist. There are two late games on next week in San Diego, and KC@SD is one of them.
Is it some special rule only for markets with two teams? Why would they do that anyway, essentially forcing forcing fans to watch the local team or no football at all? Don't higher ratings = higher commercial rates? It's like some football widows sneaked in that provision to encourage yard work and vehicular maintenence. Also, what happens when the 49ers and Raiders have home or road games at the same time? Are they both on? Wouldn't there have to be a third game on that Sunday, to fill the other time slot?
In the NFL's defense (if you can call it that), it's sort of
a perfect storm weekend, with no Sunday night game at all, and an absolute slew of terrible matchups. Contests include an NFC North showdown between 1-4 powers, two games where both teams are 2-3, another one where both are 2-4, and a 1-4 vs. a 2-4. In fact, of the 14 games this weekend, just 3 feature two teams with winning records, and neither of those are available on my television. Even the Monday night game sucks, thanks to the Jets' ongoing disaster of a season, so perhaps I'll show inner strength and skip the NFL entirely this weekend, and just concentrate on my novel.
The real irony may hit next weekend, since I'll be visiting the parents down in San Diego. Every weekend I've checked (including this one) there have been three good games on TV in SD, compared to 2 shitty ones on here. I won't be surprised if that reverses next week, and it's the one weekend of the season when better games are on in the Bay Area. That seems unlikely, since I'll at least be guaranteed of seeing KC@SD next Sunday, but the fact that I'll have to watch it with my perpetually gloom-prophesizing father might cost it some bonus points.
Non-Lazy Spamming Scammers
In contrast to that lazy spam scam
I posted about yesterday,
here's a good article about the hard-working locals who run those ubiquitous Nigerian 419 scams:
FESTAC, Nigeria — As patient as fishermen, the young men toil day and night, trawling for replies to the e-mails they shoot to strangers half a world away.
Most recipients hit delete, delete, delete, delete without ever opening the messages that urge them to claim the untold riches of a long-lost deceased second cousin, and the messages that offer millions of dollars to help smuggle loot stolen by a corrupt Nigerian official into a U.S. account.
But the few who actually reply make this a tempting and lucrative business for the boys of Festac, a neighborhood of Lagos at the center of the cyber-scam universe. The targets are called maghas -- scammer slang from a Yoruba word meaning fool, and refers to gullible white people.
...
Samuel is 19, handsome, bright, well-dressed and ambitious. He has a special flair for computers. Until he quit the game last year, he was one of Festac's best-known cyber-scam champions.
Like nearly everyone here, he is desperate to escape the run-down, teeming streets, the grimy buildings, the broken refrigerators stacked outside, the strings of wet washing. It's the kind of place where plainclothes police prowl the streets extorting bribes, where mobs burn thieves to death for stealing a cellphone, and where some people paint "This House Is Not For Sale" in big letters on their homes, in case someone posing as the owner tries to put it on the market.
...
The e-mail scammers here prefer hitting Americans, whom they see as rich and easy to fool. They rationalize the crime by telling themselves there are no real victims: Maghas are avaricious and complicit.
To them, the scams, called 419 after the Nigerian statute against fraud, are a game.
Their anthem, "I Go Chop Your Dollars," hugely popular in Lagos, hit the airwaves a few months ago as a CD penned by an artist called Osofia:"419 is just a game, you are the losers, we are the winners.
White people are greedy, I can say they are greedy
White men, I will eat your dollars, will take your money and disappear.
419 is just a game, we are the masters, you are the losers."
Yes, they've even got a theme song. Whistle while you work? The article goes on and on, talking about the bigger crime bosses who handle the final parts of the deal, their Nigerian contacts in the US who pay personal visits to people who get cold feet during their deals, and so on. It's quite the enterprise, and in a country where $300 a month is a good salary, fleecing some gullible American for a few thousand dollars is an enormous reward.
They're making a colossal amount of money with this too; far more than I would ahve believed.
Asishana Okauru, acting director of financial intelligence for the government's Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, said $700 million relating to 419 crime had been seized in the two years since the establishment of the EFCC. There have been 12 convictions in such cases brought during that time, he said.
If they were seizing 100% of the money these scams net, that amount would astonish me. Since the corrupt and easily-bribed officials there are actually catching maybe 1 or 2%, it's literally mind-boggling.
It's a sad state of affairs, but whenever you hear someone say that crime doesn't pay, just remember that they're only talking about the wages earned by dumb criminals.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Quick Movie Reviews
Since I keep falling further behind on my review writing, and all of my non-quick-blog-entry writing of late has been on the novel, I finally got in the mood Wednesday night, and banged out several quick reviews. I'll elaborate on these when I give them each their own page in the
Reviews Section, which will happen sometime between tomorrow and never.
Reviewed here:
Serenity,
Fight Club,
Wallace and Gromit in the Case of the Were-Rabbit,
Saw, and
Team America. And away we go.
Serenity, 2005
Script/Story: 7
Acting/Casting: 7
Action: 8
Combat Realism: 6
Humor: 6
Horror: NA
Eye Candy: 5
Fun Factor: 7
Replayability: 7
Overall: 7.5
Seems to be a lot of 7s there, eh? I didn't plan it that way, but quite a few elements of the movie were very good. Not quite great, but certainly better than average. I was pleasantly-surprised by the clever script, interesting characters, plot twists, and especially by the action scenes. The trailer shots of the pixy-sized girl kicking ass weren't especially convincing, and she was far from perfect in the film, but she moved well (past training as a dancer comes in very handy for fight scenes in film) and the scenes were choreographed and shot nicely. Especially compared to the chop chop chop style most directors use to ruin fight scenes/disguise their actors' complete inability to fight.
The other action elements were fun too, and much larger scale than I expected. The huge space battle near the end too me completely by surprise, and damn was it a lot of fun. You can't help but compare the scene of "one small ship darting through a massive space battle" to the opening of Star Wars III, and the fact that this one is far better, and that it cost perhaps 1/20th what Lucas' did, is actually sort of depressing.
Fight Club, 1999
Script/Story: 8
Acting/Casting: 7
Action: 6
Combat Realism: 7
Humor: 5
Horror: NA
Eye Candy: 4
Fun Factor: 5
Replayability: 7
Overall: 7
Malaya and me were quite surprised by this film, which we recently saw on DVD. Yes, it's been out for 6 years, and it's a cult favorite, and
it's very well-regarded, but we'd just never gotten around to watching it until we borrowed the DVD from a friend. I'd never seen it since I thought it was just some stupid thing about men who felt emasculated by the modern world rediscovering their inner strength by beating each other up. Sort of an R-rated version of those
Promise Keeper "no wimmen 'lowed" wankfests.
It is in some ways, but it's a much larger and more interesting story than that. What really surprised us though was that not only did we not know there was a huge plot twist, along the lines of
The Sixth Sense or
The Crying Game, but that we had never even heard that there was such a plot twist. As a result, it took us completely by surprise when it happened near the end of the film, and sent us crawling avidly over the IMDB movie trivia page to see tidbits about how it was foreshadowed and developed.
The big "yank the carpet out from beneath you" twist is believable, more or less. What I found less believable was the whole plot of the film, and the way all of these men, from every walk of life, willingly join up to do anything, legal and otherwise, for their charismatic leader. And seemingly every single guy was 100% committed, even the ones who just showed up at the various fight club meetings to beat each other up. They sat quietly while Brad Pitt lectured them on the evils of materialism and how superficial our lives have become, and then they beat each other, and then they went home, happy and revitalized.
It's basically a fairy tale, and if you buy into it and suspend your disbelief it's a great story and a meaningful film. If you don't it's just 2 hours of bloody brutality that you'll roll your eyes at. The fun factor score is the key measure; I was entertained and appreciated the artistry of the film, but I didn't really buy it and I didn't really enjoy it. Seldom does a movie come along with a real message and this much verve and attitude, so it's certainly worth seeing to make up your own mind about.
Wallace and Gromit in the Case of the Were-Rabbbit
Script/Story: 6
Acting/Casting: 7
Action: 6
Humor: 7
Horror: NA
Eye Candy: 8
Fun Factor: 6
Replayability: 6
Overall: 7
I'm admittedly a huge fan of Wallace and Gromit, and my score is definitely higher than it would be if this was the first W&G film I'd ever seen. With that caveat given, I can recommend this one, but not all that highly. It's cute, it's not painfully stretched out to fill the 90 minute run time, and all of the characters are well done. The sets are great, the claymation is believable and enjoyable, the voices are good, it's got a plot, lots of laughs, tremendously-groanable puns, and some good action set pieces.
All that said, it's not as good as their previous shorts, since those are just jam-packed with action and wild fun. This film works better as an actual film, but that means there are long stretches of dialogue and exposition and character interaction. All of it very well done, to the point you forget you're watching clay figures move, and the characters have 10x more life in them than
The Corpse Brides' boring stereotypes, but I wanted more excitement and action. The climactic chases in
The Wrong Trousers and
A Close Shave blow away the action in Were-Rabbit, and this film would definitely have been improved by turning it into a short. It's not a short story, it's more like a novella, and at 50 or 60 minutes it would have been a masterpiece. At 90 minutes though, it needed just a bit more action and fun, with less repetitive vegetable worship and rabbit chasing.
I recommend it to everyone, but not until you've seen the first three W&G shorts. If you've seen them, then buy a ticket to this one. If you haven't, get them on DVD and watch them a few times and wait for this one on DVD.
Saw, 2004
Script/Story: 6
Acting/Casting: 3
Action: 7
Humor: 3
Horror: 8
Eye Candy: 3
Fun Factor: 7
Replayability: 6
Overall: 6
Saw is a brilliant film and a horror masterpiece, when you consider they made it in 18 days, for 1.2 million dollars. It's far better than numerous action/horror films that cost more than $40 or $50 million, and it has one of the best concepts of any horror movie ever made.
In a relative scoring chart, like the one I use on my
Chop Socky reviews page, this one would have 8s and 9s across the board. Compared to other films though, quality films with quality actors and scripts, it falls a bit short. But for the target audience of horror fans, it's absolutely brilliant.
The concept is what it's really all about, and while the Jigsaw Killer is never believable except as an elaborate plot device, and the conclusion is completely ridiculous when you consider the leaps of faith it required by the person who set it all into motion, it's still a damn nifty idea. In a sick, twisted, devious, and gruesome sort of way. This is definitely not a film for children, though teens will likely adore it. I would probably have watched it every day, to the point of memorizing the dialogue, if it had come out when I was 16ish.
The biggest drawback, besides the plot holes that gape in retrospect, is the acting. It's uniformly horrendous, especially by the actual actors in the film. One of the leads is the co-script writer, and he's fine, for a horror movie. Danny Glover is featured as a crazy ex-cop, and he's awful. Totally out of his depth trying to play a nutty guy; he's like
Sergeant Murtaugh on LSD. Worse is
Carey Elwes, whose bloated, blotchy-face will make you think
The Princess Bride was released
far longer than 18 years ago.
Given the acting, an unfortunate amount of the film is spent in one small set, with two men chained to opposite walls of a bathroom, and a bloody corpse lying between them. It's a great set up, and the cool stuff we see in flashbacks and elsewhere keeps our interest, but when there are two guys in a room and neither of them can act, it gets painful, after a while.
Imagine Silence of the Lambs, but with Denise Richards and Freddie Prinze Jr. playing the leads.
Okay, that was mean.
Saw isn't that bad, but 90% of the coolness is the plot and the scenarios it shows us, with acting that steadily drags it down, and a plot that grows more and more absurd as the surprises are revealed. It's far better than it has any right to be though, considering the resources the filmmakers had at their disposal.
Team America, 2004
Script/Story: 6
Acting/Casting: 5
Action: 8
Humor: 7
Horror: NA
Eye Candy: 6
Fun Factor: 4
Replayability: 6
Overall: 6
This one is hard to score, since it's a puppet movie that lampoons every Bruckheimer-esque action film ever made, as well as the fact that it's actually a movie starring puppets. Marionettes, to be more specific. Made by Matt and Trey of
South Park fame,
Team America is awesomely-obscene, completely ridiculous, and frequently hilarious. It's also rather challenging to get into, since you have to just buy into the fact that they're puppets, on visible strings, on sets that are obviously about two feet high. It took me a while, and I was bored early on with all of the exposition and such, but I began to enjoy the movie halfway through, and I laughed a lot during the last half hour.
This is one that's either going to work for you, or not, without a lot of middle ground. I can see watching this one a few times and liking it more each time, as it gets easier and easier to suspend my disbelief and astonishment. And I can also imagine a person making it through ten minutes before storming away and cursing about it being the stupidest movie he/she has ever seen.
It is stupid, awesomely so, but that's all intentional. Every character is a broadly-drawn stereotype taken straight from other cheesy action movies, and almost every event is much the same. The titular Team America chases comically-cliche terrorists and blows up most of the world's major landmarks in their efforts to stop the WMD-packing, bearded, turban-wearing bad guys. In every case, as they stand in the smoking ruins of Paris, or beside the rubble heaps they reduced the Sphinx and Pyramids to, they give each other high fives and celebrate, with no remorse, regret, or even any comprehension of what they're doing.
The whole film is satire, often going way past the level you expect it to reach, and it's brilliant, in a way. Really, it gets funnier the more I think about it, as stuff that was just "WTF?" inducing at the time seems clever and subversive in retrospect. It's really hard to suspend your disbelief and get into the film though, and the frequent jokes about the puppets are either hilarious, or off-putting. Several scenes show them in the real world, where they are obviously about one foot high, riding around in toy cars and such. I was surprised that no shot ever featured a puppet getting stuck on something, or hit by a car, and yanking one of the puppeteers down from above and right into the model of an Egyptian town, or Team America's secret base inside Mount Rushmore. That's about the only thing they could have done to further lampoon the technology of their own film, but I guess even they thought it would be going too far.
If I ever get around to watching this one again I'll post an update to say if it was hilarious and perfect the second time, or even harder to enjoy. I'm actually sort of curious how I'll react, since this one definitely grew on me over time, and it seems funnier every time I think back on it.
Lazy Spamming Scammers
This one came in tonight, and I thought the URL was amusing enough to be worth posting. Here's the full email:
Hello,
We are USA electronics company.
We need cooperation with you.
You can earn some cash for the small help in one matter.
Please contact us only by this URL for more details: http://financial-corporation.com/
Thanks,
Alex Butheman
Manager.
What kind of corporation? A financial one! It's sort of surreal; like getting an email from esquire@legal-lawyers.com. Or something. So I
checked out their site, wondering what the scam was, and had some laughs at the mangled English.
We are happy to announce about the upcoming employee recruiting at the Financial Service Inc. Yes, the vital moment has come and Your chance of getting the top-rated financial manager position is as close as never before.
Wow! As close as never before! Actually, I think that's the truth, if only by accident.
They go on and on from there, spending an amazing amount of words to say nothing at all, before finally getting to a text entry box into which you are supposed to enter your resume and email. I wouldn't be surprised if the resume box isn't even hooked up, and all they really want are live emails from brain dead people, who will fall for their version of the Nigerian email scam. At least I assume that's what it is, with their mentions of bank account transfers and such. Either that or one of those things where they transfer you what appears to be real money, but that you can't touch for a week or so until it clears. During that time you send them your money, and when the week ends the advance they sent you vanishes since it never had any actual money backing it up at all.
I tried
googling part of the key phrase from their site and to no one's surprise, the top site results all have "scam" in their URL. I also checked the site registration, but it just points to an amateurish-looking
domain name buying service, one that exists exactly to facilitate anonymous scam websites like this one.
I'm left wondering what I always wonder in this sort of situation. Who falls for this? What human being with the ability to operate a computer and read email actually believes some random emailer is going to give them money for doing nothing? Or better yet, give them a job as a banker if you are just "well-motivated and diligent" enough? Does this sort of thing appeal to the uneducated, who have an ignorantly beligerant attitude? "I don't need no book larnin' to do what them fancy lawyers and bankers take mah money fer!" It puzzles me deeply.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Yet Another Hurricane
So Tropical Storm Wilma turned into Hurricane Wilma in record time, and was the strongest Atlantic Hurricane ever measured yesterday, before weakening a bit while still remaining a category five storm. As
the numerous articles on the subject point out:
Wilma was the 21st storm of the Atlantic hurricane season, tying a record set in 1933. It was also the 12th hurricane and tied the record for most hurricanes in a season set in 1969.
The season still has six weeks to run but has already spawned three of the most intense hurricanes on record -- Katrina, Rita and Wilma. Hurricane experts say the Atlantic has swung back into a period of heightened storm activity that could last another 20 years. Climatologists also fear global warming could be making the storms more intense.
Seriously, it might be time to stop trying to live along the US Gulf Coast, or at least the southern tip of Florida. First of all, it's way too hot and humid for humans who don't want to survive a jungle simulation, but now with global warming you're going to get hit by a devastating hurricane every few weeks. Imagine if there were a massive earthquake in California every month? Who would tolerate that? How long would it be before every insurance company pulled up stakes and the rest of the country began to rebel at paying federal loan and bail out money for the inevitable losses suffered?
The funny part is that all the news stories talk about how hurricane X and Y might hit the US, and how much damage they might do here... meanwhile, every single one of them
rips the hell out of Cuba, Trinadad/Tobago, Haiti, the Bahamas, the Yucutan Peninsula, etc. Either a direct hit that scours their shacks to flat heaps of corrogated aluminum, or a glancing blow that still drops half a meter of rain and causes massive mud slides that bury an isolated village or two. But since those aren't actual US states, no one in the US media gives a shit.
On a similar theme, I've enjoyed the sporadic US reporting on the recent earthquake in Pakistan. Remember when Katrina hit New Orleans and killed maybe 1000 people, and it was like the end of the world? Well, the earthquake has killed
up to 80,000 people, with scores of villages and towns basically shaken flat and tens of thousands more stuck out in the mountains in their own Superdomes of isolated helplessness. And it gets a below the fold mention here, if it's mentioned at all. Eight times worse than Katrina, but hey, we've got our own problems in the US of A. Plus there's no good video of the actual shaking, unlike the Katrina flooding, and it's really the eye candy that sells news on US TV. If everyone in Pittsburgh woke up dead tomorrow morning, I'm talking 500,000 mysterious overnight deaths, a car crash downtown would still get more media coverage, if there was color video footage of the vehicles impacting and the resultant fire.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Rich, poor, view poverty differently.
In today's, "They had to poll people to figure this out?" news,
a new survey says:
Polling by the Marguerite Casey Foundation also found that both rich and poor are optimistic about future prospects for their children.
Those at the poverty level or the near poor were almost twice as likely to say factors beyond their control are responsible for their impoverished state. Those who make higher incomes were evenly split on whether poverty is caused by external factors or by people not making enough effort.
In response I say, "Well, duh." Of course poor people aren't going to conclude that they're poor because they're lazy, and of course rich people aren't going to admit that poor people might try just as hard as they do. No one wants to be responsible for their own poverty, and rich people want to blame the poor for their own poverty since then they don't have to bother with nuisances like compassion or support for better school funding and jobs programs.
Seriously, how much money did the
Marguerite Casey Foundation spend on this "told us nothing we didn't already know" survey? Just drop me an email and a check for $1000 next time, kids. I've gotcha covered.
Gym Lifeform Classification
This is a post I've been meaning to make for months, but I was in a prolonged information gathering period. I'm still in it, but I might as well report some initial findings. The theory is to group a majority of health club members into several distinct groups, based on their appearance, behavior, attitude, or some combination of all measured factors. Categories should be easily measurable by laymen, as well as at least mildly amusing. Here are the few I have (with assistance from Malaya) thus far delineated:
Grunters: The first group named an the easiest to classify. These are invariable men, or perhaps boys, mostly in the 16-24 age range. They have some muscles, but often a pot belly to go with it, and they never do any of the cardio machines. What they do is head straight to the weights, where they commence to pump up. What makes them grunters is not that they are beefy, but how they go about getting that way. They mostly do dumb bells, almost exclusively in bicep-building exercises, but it's when they hit the various weight machines that they earn their classification. Grunters are defined, most directly, by high numbers over reps. One will routinely get on the sitting bench press machine, dial it up to 140 pounds, and strain out 3 reps, rest for five minutes while sitting on the machine and keeping anyone else from using it, then manage three more before wandering off, shaking his arms.
They do every machine that way; always moving the weight up to as much as they can possibly lift, never doing more than five reps, and always occuping the machine for at least three times longer than anyone else in the gym would. Needless to say they leave the weight setting as high as they set it, so the next person to come along can't help but notice their mighty strength.
Fortunately for me, I'm neither 18 nor worried about my penis size, which frees me up to set the same machine to 60 or 80 pounds, do my 25 or 30 reps, and move on to something else, all in less than two minutes, and while using far more energy than they did with their Herculean display.
Coasters: The next easily-identifiable group are pretty much the opposite of the Grunters, in behavior. They may sometimes actually be Grunters, but Coasters are defined as people who occupy cardio machines, while never actually doing anything that would give them a workout. I've often done an entire workout; half an hour of running or fast elliptical, 15 weight machines, free weights, stretching, etc, and left while the same Coaster spent the entire time pedaling along on the same exercise bike, reading the same magazine, and never even approaching a sweat. Bikes beneath the ceiling fans and with good sightlines to the televisions are their main concern.
Coasters are often old people, but in those cases it's difficult to be sure of a classification, since they might just be too old and fragile to go any faster. You can be sure you've spotted one when they're young though, and far more interested in walking along and talking to their friend, or reading their magazine, than they are in getting exercise. You'll often see a Coaster walk on a treadmill for an hour, or work the elliptical on zero resistance for 45 minutes, or sit on an exercise bike while moving their legs in a circle, but never at a speed that would burn more calories than they could do on the couch at home. While they can be found on all the machines, they favor the exercise bikes because, duh, they can sit down and thus not even use the energy required to stand up. The bikes have all sorts of digital tours with a variety of hills and such, and I seldom use them, but Coasters all seem to find a course that's got a lot of hills; all of them down.
Free Range Rude: A term stolen directly from Hannibal Lecter, the FRR can be Coasters or Grunters, or any other sort of gym patron. What makes them FRR is their obliviousness to others, and the way they get in your way without even realizing they are doing so. These are the people you get stuck behind in supermarkets when they leave their carts right in the center of a crowded aisle while they browse the boxes of cake mix, or while they greedily gobble down free samples of pretty much anything.
At the gym they are the ones who sit on the same weight machine for 5 or 10 minutes without actually using it more than 5% of that time. Or who get on the good elliptical machines (the ones with the arms that swing) and walk slowly for half an hour, without using their arms for anything more than turning pages in their magazines. Or who spread out their yoga mat and do stretches or sit ups while blocking an aisle.
Their moment of glory though, comes in on the express workout machines. Those are a dozen machines that are set up in a long row, with pneumatic resistance rather than weights. The theory is that you do them all in a row, going for no more than 30 or 40 seconds each, and going as hard and a fast as you can on each, with resistance in both directions, courtesy of the pneumatics. These machines at our gym are all in a row, are color coded, and have stickers on each one saying Express, along with several huge signs and banners hanging from the ceiling above them. They're also the machines you constantly see people working in rapid sequence, heading from one end to the other.
None of these clues tip off the FRR though, or else they wouldn't be FRR. They'll wander right over and plop down on a machine in the center of the Express Station, set to looking over the machine, puzzling at the pneumatic resistance, and so on. All while remaining mercifully oblivious to the annoyed Express workout people who are moving up to their left, machine by machine, and then skipping past them to the next machine, while throwing them dirty looks. The thought process of a FRR: "What a strange machine? However can it work? How odd that other people keep moving past me... I must not be in their way though, or they'd stand and wait for me to finish with this one. I wonder what this dial, numbered 1-6 does, when I turn it? Perhaps it somehow relates to the resistance I feel when I lift the padded bars beside my ears?"
At our gym, the FRR are almost exclusively 50+ y/o white women, though since that describes a large percentage of the white bread suburban gym clientele on the whole, I can't conclude that that demographic is most likely to be a clueless FRR, or if it's just coincidence.
Past Their Prime: This group is quite small at this point, and made up of just two or three men at our gym. They are quite dinstinct though, and their scariness more than offsets their numerical scarcity. The PTP guys are in their 40s, or perhaps early 50s, and they are in great shape for their age. Unfortunately, they still dress like they did when they were 25, in 1978, and are wholly oblivious to how a man of their age looks in short shorts, knee high socks, and a bushy Magnum P.I. moustache.
What looks best on a physically fit man in his early 50s? Dignity.
The sad part is that if these guys had some current workout fashions, or even just plain sweats and a t-shirt, and they could maybe shave, they'd look damn good. The sadder part is that they strut around like peacocks, obviously proud to still be in good shape at their age, and have no idea how ridiculous they look doing it. I see other gym patrons, especially younger women, actually averting their eyes when these guys strike a jaunty pose with a dumbbell, or perch themselves on a weight machine and look around, cleary hoping someone will notice how much metal they're pressing.
PTPs never go anywhere near cardio machines, or break a sweat, needless to say. They may overlap somewhat into Grunter territory too, but their reckless vanity generally sets them apart. That and the fact that they've at least matured enough not to waste their workout doing sets of 3 reps on far, far more weight than they can safely lift.
Other Classifications: These categories are a good start, but there are still many more groups that need to be identified and described. Our gym is near a college, and gets tons of college girls in, but they can't be classified that easily, since they behave in different ways. Their greatest unifying theme is their clothing, which almost invariably includes shorts with a waistband low enough to allow their hip fat jelly roll to flop over. They roll down the waists of their sweats to create this look, if necessary. But other than that, and a generally lackadaisical approach to exercise (hence the jelly rolls), they differ widely. Some actually workout hard, while others treat the gym like study hall, and talk and talk and talk, often while Coasting, as if they had to keep gabbing to kill an hour before they are allowed to go home. Malaya suggested a name with the word "hen" in it, but we haven't figured out a pithy description or non-all-inclusive definition yet.
There are also a lot of older women, 40 and 50-something housewife types, who are usually Coasters, but who sometimes actually workout, though they seem to mostly be there for the spin classes or the yoga classes. They might be classified by their clothing, but many of them manage to blend in pretty well. The occasional 60ish woman in a sports coat is good for a double take, but they're not there often enough to get their own category.
I could probably also create a "No Nonsense" category, to which both Malaya and myself would belong. These are people who enter the gym in their workout clothing, go hard for 45 or 60 minutes, and leave. No socializing, no posing, lots of cardio, weights after that, and so on. Unfortunately there's nothing there really worth joking about or describing, and in fact these people tend to be pretty invisible, since they're constantly moving between stations and aren't preening or taking up more than their share of space and thus coming to the attention of others. Though I and my girlfriend belong to this group, I realize that the gym would be a pretty damn boring place to blog about if everyone else did, too.
If anyone else has any nominations or gym observations, feel free to hit up the comments. I need a few more groups, so I can codify these on a content page, for easy reference.
Monday and Football.
I'm not sure where the day went. I got up at a reasonable time, and I did some yoga, and then I ran some errands, and when I got home Malaya was at the gym, and when she got home we did some Kali and then I went to the gym, and I cooked once I got home while the Monday Night Football game finishing taping, and then we hung out on the couch for a while, and then she went to bed and I watched MNF on tape, and here it is, 3am and I've done nothing of any substance all day. Imagine once we're married with kids and all the attendant, time-consuming bullshit they bring into life? *shudder*
Anyway, the MNF game wasn't much fun past halftime, though it was instructive. It was too bad that the Rams QB got injured in the 2nd quarter, since that ended any hope they had of winning, since they had to keep scoring to stay ahead of the Colts, even after being spotted a 17-0 lead. They didn't, and once the backup QB started throwing passes up for grabs in the second half it got ugly in a hurry, and went from 17-0 to 20-45 in nothing flat.
As I said,
the game was instructive though, in two ways: 1) We now know that Mike Martz coaching
is in fact better than a dead man. Even though he frequently costs his team the game with insane play calling and challenges, at least he's got a pulse and some guts, and would have at least tried to do something to change the momentum of the game when the Colts began steamrolling to their comeback. 2) I'd often wondered how it would work if a team played in a prevent defense for an entire game against a quality offense like the Colts'. Now I know. They'd stop any plays from going for more than 20 yards, but with only 3 or 4 guys on the line they'd give up at least 8 yards per rush, and every single time the offense threw a pass shorter than 10 yards, it would be caught by an essentially uncovered receiver.
It looked for a time like we'd get #3, and see how this year's Colts' team fared against an opponent with a pulse, and how their defense did against a real offense. Early results have to be encouraging to the rest of the league, with the Rams sprinting out to a huge lead, thanks largely to a fumbled kick off. But then their QB threw a pick, got hurt trying to make the tackle, and that was that. Predictable running and short pass plays took over the Rams' offense after that, and anyone can defend against that sort of wimpiness.
It's not the Colts' fault
their schedule is so easy; it's mostly luck and their weak division that is letting them go into November without a single decent opponent (that and the fact that Jacksonville wasn't playing well yet when they lost to the Colts in week 2), and more luck that New England has been devastated by injuries for a second straight year. Things do eventually get interesting for the Colts though, starting in week 11 when they play @ Cincinnati, host Pittsburgh, host Tennessee, @ Jacksonville, host San Diego, and @ Seattle, before closing out with a freebie (hosting Arizona).
Their ridiculously light early schedule and hard finish make me wonder though; which is better for a successful team, in whatever sport? Is it better to streak out to a 7-0 record built by playing one quality team in 2 months, while saving a stretch of 5 tough games in 6 weeks for the end, when you've already pretty well clinched a playoff spot? Or do you want to go through hell early on, come out of that at 3-3 or whatever, before gaining strength and confidence every week during a long winning streak against pushovers? Which builds more confidence? Which is more likely to have your team playing well come playoffs? Which is better to avoid injuries and fatigue over a long season?
It's worth study (not that I'm going to study it), but it would have to be calculated carefully. It wouldn't be hard to check win/loss records and see teams that won many more early season vs. late season, and then how they did in the playoffs, but that's superficial. You'd also have to factor in strength of schedule, figure if they had a streak of good luck or bad luck that skewed the results, note their injuries, etc. In theory, I'd think a team on a late season winning streak would be a better bet, since they are, in theory, playing their best ball then, and you expect that to carry over into the playoffs. But what about teams that dominated early and got a big enough lead that they lost focus and stumbled near the end, or that were far enough ahead to rest their best players the last week or two. Could they then turn it back on in the playoffs, and play even better, being rested and ready?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
The fantasy novel and writing plans in general.
I started to write this as part of the previous post, but when it took off in a strange direction and went very off topic, I decided to present it separately.
As I said previously, Malaya plowed through the rest of chapter five on Saturday evening, and said it was the best one yet, and that she was dying to read more, and that she really liked and was curious about the 3rd main character in the novel, who finally makes his/her appearance in 5. Better yet, I'm already done with 6, though I've got a few days of work editing and fixing things in it now. Plus, while thinking and doing notes and such I figured how to resolve a couple of sticky "How do I get X to happen in Y?" issues I'd been wrestling with in the later chapters.
so for the novel, I'm at least 2/3 done, I know exactly what's going to happen from here on out, and I'm eager to write it. Now all I need is a publisher eager to give me lots of money, and you guys would actually have an opportunity to spend real money on something I wrote. Although,
that's an option now, I suppose. *cough*
The one thing I'm wondering about now is the length of
my novel. Just going by words, it'll be at least 400k total, and that's assuming I do
major trimming in chapter 2 and 3. Chapter 2 alone is 171,000 words right now, which is longer than quite a few complete novels. I think 2 will come in 40-60k words in the final version though, and won't really lose that much content in the editing process; most of the length now is stuff that will be much improved by editing/summarizing anyway. (And yes, I'll save it for some superduper unexpurgated version.)
The just-completed chapter six is going to be around 50,000 words, and it's got virtually no fat to trim away, unlike chapters 2, 3, and 4. Malaya didn't think there was much dead space in 5, and while I'm sure I can clip away a few thousand words here and there, it's just over 40,000 words now, and can't get that much shorter. It's hard to estimate the whole thing since I've still got 3 or 4 chapters to write (not sure exactly where the chapter breaks will be since the last stretch is all pretty much one long chain of events taking place over a relatively short time frame), but figuring those will be 40-50k each, the whole thing will be 400-600k or so. Most novels are in the 100-150k range, though fantasy tales often run longer. Unfortunately, my massive length is
apparently sort of bad for a first (published) novel, and while I like to think mine is special and wonderful and unique, it remains to be seen if publishers or agents (or the book-buying public) will agree.
On the other hand, fantasy is rather overrun with sequels and trilogies and even longer series, and while I think of this first one as a single novel, it's quite common for publishers to break up longer single works into multiple volumes for publication. Lord of the Rings and Martin's new Fire and Ice novel, for instance. (Completely unjustified comparison of my own work to their masterpieces aside.) A more reasonable comparison would be to Paolini's Eragon, which I recently read and found surprisingly enjoyable, but haven't gotten around to reviewing yet. His fantasy tale is being published as a trilogy, the
second of which just came out on top of the best seller list. I've not read it yet, but given how book one ended I think his trilogy is just going to be one really long story, posted in three individual 700 page (not small print) novels.
So assuming my novel comes in around 500k and agents/editors don't force massive changes, we're looking at one 1000 page novel with tiny print, or more likely a pair of 600 page novels with normal print, or possibly even a trilogy, if they stretch it out and pare down each book to 450 pages with easy-to-read print. Complicating things further is the sequel, which I've got largely thought out and outlined. It's definitely a sequel too, not just a continuation of the first book (which might appear as 3 continued books anyway); events are set a decade or so after events in the first book/series/trilogy/whatever, and the world has changed in major ways over that time. Furthermore, knowing my writing the planned sequel novel will almost certainly blow up to 300,000 words or more, which will lead to another round of one huge novel vs. two long books vs. a cash cow trilogy debate.
I guess having too much good stuff is not such a horrible problem, (though counting chickens before the eggs are even properly laid can be) but it will be interesting to see how the whole situation resolves itself. In the outside case of the whole thing going to 5 or 6 novels, which would theoretically be published at a rate of about one a year... damn! Even if this thing got off the ground next year, as I sincerely hope it will, they'd still be putting out books from my first novel and sequel in like 2011. That's a bizarre thought, considering I hope to be finished with this first novel/trilogy/whatever by December, and then done with the sequel/2nd trilogy/whatever in 2006. Especially when you take into account the fact that I don't really consider myself a fantasy writer.
I always figured I'd be doing it with contemporary horror, since that was my first great interest as a reader and a writer. I've got several ideas for horror novels, possibly even sort of combo horror/mystery novels, and tons of ideas about characters and situations based on real life that I can't in any way work into the fantasy world I'm writing now. I want to write some novels set in the modern day, sort of along the lines of Stephen King's early stuff, and I don't want to finish them and then have a publisher sit on them until 2012, as they wait for the fantasy stuff to be published.
On top of that genre confusion, there's no way the fantasy novel I'm doing now is my fantasy masterpiece. I don't know if I even have one of those in me, but I love fantasy and have tons of ideas for reinventing the traditional faux-Tolkien Middle Ages sword and sorcery schtick that I'm pretty much wallowing in with my ongoing effort. Ideas that I can't put into the current novel(s), but that I certainly hope to flesh out in other novels, someday. That shouldn't be a problem, though. Plenty of authors have more than one series in very different fantasy/scifi worlds, after all. And some of them even do other genres at the same time, though I have no idea how they work that with their publisher(s).
I hope to find out though, since I want to write in a variety of fields, and I wouldn't rule out non-fiction either. Hell, I might go to grad school and take classes in writing prose and non-fiction, and do a non-fiction book for my thesis. A research and interview-heavy book about fantasy, fan-fiction, and the Internet, perhaps? Being able to interview myself for major portions of it would certainly cut down on the footwork.
Live by the VCR, die by the VCR.
So USC and Notre Dame played what will almost certainly be the best college football
game of the year on Saturday. USC was #1 and hadn't lost in like 3 years, Notre Dame was a very strong #9, they've got a very long and storied rivalry, etc, etc. The game started at 12:30 local time, and since I've lately been writing all night and going to bed around 8am, I set the VCR to tape until 4:30, so I could watch the whole game once it ended. Therefore Malaya and me went out in the afternoon, had a late lunch at Claim Jumper, did some shopping at Shoe Pavillion and Old Navy and Marshall's, and got home well after dark. I hadn't seen anything of college football all day, didn't know the USC/ND score, had no idea if the game was any good, etc. All according to plan, of course.
So I settled down on the couch, rewound the tape, hit play... and found myself watching
Oregon State @ Cal. Yes, I taped the wrong channel; 5 instead of 7, I guess. (I never know what channel anything is on; I've lived her 2.5 years and I still have no idea which numbers are which networks, but I was sure I'd checked the local listings the night before and gotten the right one for the game.)
Dispirited, I told myself that the USC/ND game was probably not any good anyway, and watched the OSU@Cal game on extreme fast forward. Insult to injury, it was a crappy game; endless mistakes by each team, bad fumbles, interceptions, lots of penalties, culminating in a season-killing loss by Cal on their home field. During the game I saw regular score updates on the USC game, and it looked like it was pretty even, which made me wish I were watching it. And then after the game when I turned on ESPN and saw the highlights of the back and forth struggle, culminating in USC's QB diving in for the winning TD with 3 seconds left... well, I was a little disappointed.
Fortunately, we did some fun stuff during the day, I continued my recent acquisition spree of dry-weave sport type clothing (once you start wearing shirts that wick away the sweat there's really no going back to cotton), and lunch at Claim Jumper was excellent.
Best of all, Malaya plowed through the rest of chapter five this evening and said it was the best one yet. More on that in a later post, though.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
"Like a pug dog."
So I'm taking my semi-nightly skim past a bunch of celebrity blogs, and while
reading this entry about bad weekend movies, I shuddered audibly at the two (
one,
two) scarier-than-usual photos of Kirsten Dunst. Drawn to my horror like a shark to blood, Malaya looked over her shoulder from the couch, where she was devouring a fresh print out of the last completed chapter from my novel, and joined me in grimacing.
"It's really her snaggle teeth." Malaya said, and then twisted the knife by adding, "I bet someone thinks she's cute in the same way people think
pug dogs are cute." In other words, Kirsten Dunst is only cute in an "so ugly she's cute" way.
In other news, why is that woman in like, every movie made? Does she have nude photos of studio heads with live boys and dead girls? How did she end up in Spider Man? Wasn't Peter Parker's girlfriend this improbably-hot red head in the comics? Not a blonde, forgettable, shiny-cheeked, braless, pebbly-toothed mediocrity?
We mean no offense meant to pug dogs in this post, by the way.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Weekend Movies.
Well, that's a shame. I still contend that
the Domino trailer was a near-masterpiece, and easily the most entertaining trailer I've seen this year. It's packed with quick cuts, weird camera angles, film rewinding and going extra fast, scenes with saturated color, quirky characters, explosions, machine guns, nimble dialogue, and more. Apparently the movie is much the same, but 1) all the good stuff is in the trailer, and 2) 2 minutes of that fast stuff is fine, while 2+ hours of hyperkinetic bullshit becomes overwhelming. At least according to the disapproving opinions of
87 of the 99 movie critics now represented on Rotten Tomatoes.
If a film looks interesting and gets 50%, or 40% positive on RT, we'll check it out. Even 30% if we're really pre-sold. But 12%? That's a mighty big leap of faith for $9.25 each and 3 hours of our lives we'll never get back.
On the other hand,
Ebert liked Domino enough to give it 3-stars. On the other other hand, he gives everything 3-stars now.
Literally, this week, though that's only true because
The Fog is so awful the studio didn't screen it for critics, and Ebert therefore did not review it.
In other movie news, I'm about five film reviews behind (and 3 books), but we did get out to see Wallace and Gromit last Monday, and enjoyed it. I didn't think it was a masterpiece, but if you already like W&G, you'll enjoy the film well enough. If you don't yet know about W&G, you're probably better off renting/buying the new DVD with all 3 of their short films on it. The Wrong Trousers and A Close Shave are both better than Curse of the Were-Rabbit, in large part because they've got just about as much good stuff, but both run only 30 minutes. I'll add a full review of the film at some point, along with all the others I've seen since I last took the time to write a review. The novel has just been more pressing, of late, and when I'm in the mood to write fiction, I've gotta run with it.
Word Verification
By now, I'd imagine most of you have left a comment on this blog, or at least looked at the comments page. As you've probably noticed, there is now a word verification thingie you must successfully solve in order to get your comment posted. It's meant to cut down on comment spam, and I guess it's working, though there are still some script-generated spam comments from time to time. How a program beats the word jumble image I don't know, since half the time I can barely manage it.
Most of mine seem to be something like this, and while I've never (yet) actually refreshed the page before typing my comment solely, to get a new and easier password to transcribe... sometimes I think I should. I suspect the system was designed by a special needs teacher just so the rest of us can know what it's like to be dyslexic as we try to tap out a long sequence composed entirely of X's, V's, Q's, Z's, and other seldom-fingered keys.
Whenever I see a particularly daunting word to be verified by, I'm reminded of the Far Side comic where cavemen are having a spelling bee, and the one on stage gets "cave" while the one up next thinks, "I'll probably get 'australopithecus.'" Of course when I go to post I get "zfhijxl!" Lanth probably got "houlm!"
And with that encouraging note, have fun making the comments that make my life brighter!
Hall of Fame Fan.
I would have
read this article quickly and without comment except for the photo accompanying it. The story is somewhat interesting, at least. Shaun Dean attended the 4th game of the Houston vs. Atlanta baseball playoff game earlier this week. He sat in the outfield, and was lucky enough to catch a homerun in the 8th inning. That game was tied after 9, and 10, and so on, eventually going 18 innings before Houston won the longest playoff game in history with another home run. Which Shaun Dean also caught.
I'm sure someone has caught more than one homerun in the same game before; I used to see the same scary-looking guys every game when I worked at the stadium in San Diego; they always sat in aisle seats, and at every long fly ball they were off faster than the right fielder, racing at full speed to try and catch the ball and usually trampling a few little kids in the process. They got a lot of balls though; especially during batting practice. I've got no idea if Shaun here had to run for his or if they dropped into his glove like mana from the heavens, but in any event the balls are going to the Hall of Fame, he's got a free lifetime pass there, he got tickets to the next Houston playoff game, he got his jersey autographed by Roger Clemons, and so on.
However, as I said earlier, I was only posting about this due to the photo, and you've undoubtedly noticed it by now. Seriously, just looking at the picture, the guy's inarguably homely, but check out his age. I would have said he was an overgrown 14 y/o. Maybe 15 or 16, tops.
Dean, a comptroller for his father-in-law's construction company, caught the balls with a worn-out glove that his high school coach used to call "a trash can lid."
"I never dreamed of anything like this," said Dean, 25. "It's beyond words."
Yes, he's 25, and that's his 3 y/o son he's holding and sharing a haircut with. I'll refrain from making any cruel and easy jokes about how his wife must look, and how soon after their marriage their child was likely born, and how he was undoubtedly the most qualified person for the comptroller position in his father in law's construction company. He could be a great guy and a wonderful father/husband, for all I know. I will, however, suggest that he think about allowing some hair to take root on his head, and perhaps trying to at least partially camouflage that lantern chin with some sort of goatee. After all, looks aren't everything, but I imagine he'd enjoy not being mistaken for a junior high student for the rest of his life.
Japan tracking "dangerous" animals.
Odd article about a proposed tracking system for exotic pets in Japan. I'll quote the whole thing, since it's short.
TOKYO (Reuters) -- Japan is moving toward requiring owners of potentially dangerous animals, such as crocodiles and pythons, to have microchips implanted in their pets in case the animals get loose, officials said on Thursday.
The move follows a recent wave of incidents around the nation in which animals such as pythons, crocodiles and giant salamanders have been found wandering loose, frequently on the streets of densely populated cities.
In one notorious case, a man lost track of his pet python after he took the animal "for a walk" in a park and the snake fled when the man fell asleep on a bench. He was quoted by one TV station as saying he was surprised the snake disappeared because it wasn't that kind of snake.
The Environment Ministry is drawing up a law that would require tiny cylindrical microchips -- 1 centimeter (0.4 inch) long and 2 millimeters (0.08 inch) in diameter -- implanted under the skin of some 650 animal species, a ministry official said. Each microchip would carry information making it possible to trace the owner if the animal goes missing.
Among the animals included in the proposed law, which is likely to come into effect from next January, are various snakes, snapping turtles and bears. "There was a sense that it is good to have better management of these kinds of animals," the official said. Exotic animals such as reptiles have become increasingly popular pets in Japan over the last few years, largely because they are clean and quiet and usually reside in terrariums -- a big plus in the nation's cramped apartments, which often forbid ownership of more common four-footed friends.
With escapes becoming more frequent, however, calls have risen for tighter regulation of such pets. In the past week alone, police in Kanagawa prefecture, just west of Tokyo, were called out to capture a green iguana and a 66-centimetre giant salamander, while a woman in downtown Tokyo found a 1-metre-long python curled up on some quilts in a closet.
So um... how are they dangerous? It seems more like a nuisance law to me, where people have heard some tabloid media coverage of escaped reptiles, and are overreacting. Wouldn't you think the news reports would mention attacks and injuries to humans if there were a rash of them?
Meanwhile, packs of stray dogs run unchecked, there are three million alleycats in greater Tokyo, and I'd bet more people in Japan get bitten by dogs every day than have been injured by lizards, snakes, and turtles in the last fifteen years. Yet intrusive new laws are passed based on someone finding a harmless, arm-length python sleeping in their linen closet.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Denim 'r Us.
Ridiculous article about high end designer blue jeans. (There are two parts to the article, each of which runs three pages online.) Try this quote on for size.
Martha Ein often shops with her teenage daughters, who are permitted to spend no more than $200 per pair, though "sometimes they twist my arm."
"I don't have that many," says her 16-year-old, Lili, considering her denim collection. "Probably like 15."
A young woman comes in with her grandfather. In one fell swoop, he buys her five pairs of jeans and assorted other items for $2,451.86.
Yes, it's okay to hate people who blow $200 on a $10 pair of jeans. True, jeans shopping is harder for women who care how the pants make their asses look, but honestly, if you're paying more than $50 for a pair of jeans, you have too much money and should give it to poor people, or at least spend it on something reasonable. More reasonable than paying $400 for a pair of jeans that 99% of the people alive can't distinguish from a $15 pair from Wal-Mart.
It gets worse:
Mauro is extremely fond of "raw" jeans, made from virgin denim that has never been washed or treated. Four to five days a week, he wears a particular pair of raw jeans. He has been wearing them like this for more than three months and won't even dream of washing them till it's been half a year.
Raw denim is really dark blue and stiff when you first put it on, and in the beginning it tends to bleed onto white sneakers and light-colored couches. But after six months of near-constant wear, Mauro says, the jeans will fit him perfectly and will have faded in all the right places. There will be "whiskering" around his crotch and "honeycombing" behind the knees.
"This jean will be unique to me," Mauro says.
"They kind of show your soul, you know?" says a woman who represents a raw jeans brand.
...
Victor Fonseca, a friend of Mauro's, says he's been trying to break in his raw pair on weekends, since he can't wear them to work. Two months ago Victor bought a different pair of jeans for $330, but hasn't permitted himself to wear them yet. Every time he wears jeans, he must wear the raws. His butt is reserved.
The article suggests you store your "raw" jeans in the freezer, since after all; if you wear the same pair of pants for six months without ever washing them, they're going to start to stink.
Seriously, who cares this much about a pair of pants? Obviously some people do, and
I feel sorry for them. Personally, I own four pairs of jeans, the newest of which are light blue Levi's that came as a gift from Malaya's mom for my birthday, 2.4 years ago. I often glance at the endless racks of jeans at TJ Maxx and wonder why they bother. All those pants are more or less the same, give or a take a trendy frayed leg or worn spot on the pocket, and besides, who cares? I've never paid any attention to the jeans another guy was wearing, and while I occasionally notice jeans on a women when she's got a nice ass, that's far more about her body than the pants she's wearing.
That said, I do realize that jeans can sculpt quite an illusion. None of mine are tight enough to matter, but Malaya's got a lot of different pairs of jeans and other types of pants, and they can substantially change her appearance. She might even appreciate the bougie jeans in the article, though I can't imagine her paying more than $100 for a pair of denim pants. If they fit perfectly though, and she could wear them all the time, they might be worth it. She regularly tries on half a dozen pairs at a time and leaves without buying any, since none of them fit right. They're all too long in the crotch or loose on the hips or tight on the legs or baggy in the seat or whatever. She's also cursed by her workout schedule, since every time she finds a pair that fit nicely, they're too big a month or two later.
A pair that fit just right all over is hard to find, which makes me glad that I don't care and have never checked my ass in the mirror. I'm happy with 32x32 pants, even though my waist is actually more like 30.5. Stores hardly ever have any 31 inch pants though, and in fact they hardly ever have any pants below about 36 these days, now that everyone in America is fat. I just buy the 32" and well, that's what belts are for, isn't it? I hardly ever wear jeans anyway, since they're thicker and hotter than cargo pants or nylon/polyester track pants, and I'm always hot. Plus the only pair of my jeans that fits comfortably when I sit down in them is the biggest pair, and they look baggy. Oh wait, I don't care, do I?
The sad thing about jeans is that I see 100 women a day in them, and maybe 5 or 10 look good. Most girls go with the low riders that are now trendy, but those only look good on 14 y/os with asses like 10 y/o boys. On 18-30 year old women, 95% of whom have at least a jelly roll, and 100% of whom lack the sense to wear a t-shirt long enough to cover it, their waist ends up looking like a muffin top. Besides that oh-so-attractive roll of fat, the pork makes their hips blend into their thighs, and basically robs them of a waist, while squishing them ass-less. If they'd gone with a normal pair of jeans, ones that tucked in above the weight they were carrying in their thighs rather than squishing it up like a
water weasel, they would have looked fine. And in a year or two, when low riders are out of style, maybe they will.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
If Gore were president...
Someone interviewed Al Gore and asked him if he was going to run for president again, and how things in the US would be different if he'd been
elected installed president in 2000. His reply was short
and very to the point.
"I have absolutely no plans and no expectations of ever being a candidate again," Gore told reporters after giving a speech at an economic forum in Sweden.
When asked how the United States would have been different if he had become president, though, he had harsh criticism for Bush's policies.
"We would not have invaded a country that didn't attack us," he said, referring to Iraq. "We would not have taken money from the working families and given it to the most wealthy families."
"We would not be trying to control and intimidate the news media. We would not be routinely torturing people," Gore said. "We would be a different country."
Predictably enough, his words got the Republican's metaphorical panties all up in a bunch:
Tracey Schmitt, spokeswoman for the Republican National Committee, called Gore's comments "fictitious rants that border on dangerous."
"To accuse Americans of participating in 'routine torture' is absurd and reveals that while Al Gore may no longer be a leader in his party, he still embodies the maniacal anger that guides Democrat leaders in Washington today," Schmitt wrote in an e-mail to The Associated Press.
So do they 1) not read the news about the constant admissions and discoveries of torture by US troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo? And 2) was the RNC lady's email longer, or are they not even bothering to dispute Gore's points about attacking the wrong country, shifting the tax burden onto working families, and trying to control the news media?
The response the RNC did give is an interesting case in point, too. I don't know quite how the concept emerged, but at some point during Bush's woeful presidency, the constant argument by Republicans has become that anyone who doesn't approve of Bush's policies is a crazed Bush hater, motivated by irrational anger. I suppose that's a clever dodge; after all, if you say that those who don't agree with you are crazy angry, then you don't have to debate them. It sort of ignores the fact that most of the right wing spent eight years of Clinton in constant frothing rage, but I don't think we're supposed to mention that now.
What I find most interesting about it is the similarity of that argument to the right wing description of "terrorists." Ann Coulter and others of her intellectual wing nut bent are constantly saying that the terrorists "hate freedom" and that they hate the US because we're free, or something like that. In the same way that all Bush critics are motivated by irrational rage, all US critics must be equally furious, and people who are willing to actually take up arms, or blow themselves up to kill Americans, must be the craziest and most hateful of all.
While it's probably true that suicide bombers have some level of hate in them, it's a damn convenient, and childish, argument. If you just say that everyone who doesn't like you or your policies is nuts and motivated by hatred, then you 1) don't have to take any of their comments seriously, and 2) don't have to engage in any sort of introspection. After all, looking at what you're doing to see what others don't like about it is hard. You might discover that they have a point, and then you'd experience cognitive dissonance, or worse yet, might have to make some actual changes to whatever you're doing. And that wouldn't be any fun at all.
So remember kids, anyone who says something you're doing is wrong is nuts and motivated by maniacal anger, and can be safely ignored. Kthx.
Guatemalan Prison Fun.
This article about the horrible conditions in Guatemalan prisons goes along about as you'd expect. Horrendous overcrowding, out of control gang violence, corrupt guards, prisoners operating crime empires from behind bars, etc. Until halfway through, when you see something that actually breaks through your ennui:
Convicted murderers and rapists sleep up to 40 at a time in a sweaty cell measuring 30 square yards, many of them on bare floors. Violence is endemic.
A gang feud has killed 50 people since August, including several who were beheaded. Eighteen of the victims died in an attack with grenades, guns and knives at The Hole, a 100-year-old former army fort brought into service because prisons are overflowing.
In 2003, forensic scientists found the remains of two people believed to have been eaten in a cell at the Pavoncito prison over Christmas holidays during a gang riot there.
Yes, they ate someone. And not just someone, someone(s). Two people. Now
that is a hardcore prison. Take that, Brazil! You may be obscenely over-crowded and
completely out of control, but until your prisoners start not only murdering each other, but actually consuming the flesh of the fallen, you'll have to take a back seat to Guatemala.
Amusing Anti-SUV Activists in France
Nice article from the LA Times about "The Deflated,"
a group resisting the incroachment of SUVs into Paris.
Under cover of night, Marrant's troops target Jeep Cherokees, Porsche Cayennes and other four-wheel-drive vehicles parked on the tree-lined avenues and cobblestoned lanes of wealthy neighborhoods. The eco-guerrillas deflate tires without damaging them, smear doors with mud and paste handbills on windshields proclaiming that the vehicles are dangerous, polluting behemoths that do not belong in the city.
"We use the mud to say that if the owners will not take the four-wheel-drives to the countryside, we will bring the countryside to the four-wheel-drives," said Marrant, 28, who uses an alias because angry drivers deluge his website, http://degonfle.blogg.org with e-mails threatening mayhem and questioning his manhood.
Although his nom de guerre was inspired by Subcommander Marcos, the masked Mexican guerrilla revered by leftists, Marrant insists he is not violent or even particularly serious. "Deflated" is a self-deprecating name that also means "coward" in French. The group wants to send a mischievous message while avoiding damage to the vehicles, injury and prosecution, the thin, mop-haired activist said during an interview in a corner cafe on the Seine's left bank, longtime turf of radicals and revolutionaries.
"We emphasize the comic, the burlesque side," Marrant said with the earnest, wide-eyed look of a prankster trying to keep a straight face. "It would be hard to take us to court. We don't slash tires, we deflate them. Air doesn't cost anything. As for getting cars dirty, that's nothing. I would plead guilty to that. Our rules are to never run from the police. And always run from the owners."
...
Like other historic European capitals, Paris struggles with overwhelming traffic that challenges even the smallest cars and steeliest drivers. Double-parked delivery trucks block narrow streets. Swarms of motorcyclists zoom the wrong way on congested boulevards. Parking garages, impossibly small, seem designed by sadists.
Spurred by the take-back-the-streets attitude of the Greens, City Hall is trying to discourage cars in favor of mass transit, biking and walking. In addition, the national government has imposed a new tax on high-polluting vehicles that works out to about $300 per owner, but varies depending on emission levels.
And the Deflated are stepping up their stealthy fight. Marrant is writing a children's song as an anthem for the cause. He also hopes to record a dance-mix version before Saturday, when activists plan an international wave of anti-SUV operations -- by daylight, this time -- in France, Britain, Canada and Australia.
SUV hatred is nothing new in the US, ranging from amusing stuff like
FUH2 to those Earth First guys who were torching Hummers at new car dealerships in Southern California, but even if you're not down with that sort of public shaming and property destruction, you've got to sort of admire the passive resistance style of the French guys. The mud smeared on the doors is an especially nice touch, given that most SUVs never see anything more challenging than a puddle or a speed bump.
Really though, is that even an insult anymore? Perhaps to Hummer-like vehicles (and their poseur owners), judging by their endless, delusional, "rugged offroad vehicle" themed-commercials, but most SUVs in the US are now marketed and sold as family cars. They're not heavy duty for hauling loads and four wheel drive is optional; while air bags and child seats and DVD players and cup holders are mandatory. Few people still bother to pretend that they are more than macho-looking minivans/station wagons, and looks are important enough that appearance trumps the rollover safety concerns, higher prices, poor mileage, and other drawbacks.
And yes, if
Les Degonfles were engaging in this sort of clandestine tire deflation and other semi-vandalism in the US, they'd have been gunned down by now.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Monday Night Sports.
Well, the Chargers
lost another game they coulda/shoulda won. This one wasn't a complete choke, as the other team played well, but SD was done in again by terrible play calling. I don't know who their offensive mastermind is, but he seems to be either brilliant (vs. NE and NYG) or wretched (vs. Denver). Tonight they weren't awful, but they gained minimal yards, and never ran a single play I thought was all that smart. Brees has had a few great games, but he's basically a possession passer with an accurate arm and a soft touch, who's good for about 200 yards a game. He's not very good when the defense is playing pass. On the other hand, he's tremendous when the defense is playing run and he's only got to pick between 1 or 2 receivers.
Then again, what decent QB in the NFL isn't good under those circumstances?
The last two weeks they played teams that didn't stack the line and that let them run the ball successfully, and when you do that against San Diego you're doomed, since their play action passing is so good once your entire defense starts keying on Tomlinson. Pittsburgh stacked the line and stopped the run, and they didn't shut SD down entirely, but they slowed them enough to hold them to several field goals, and won it on their own FG at the whistle.
So
San Diego's now 2-3, with the 3 losses by 4, 3, and 2 points, in that order. Their 2 wins were by 22 and 24. So they either have a great game and blow someone out, or they score about 20 points and with their mediocre defense, they struggle and lose by a little bit.
Luckily for them, no team but the Colts is doing anything impressive this year, and the Colts have yet to play a team with a pulse, so 2-3 isn't out of luck, as it pretty much was last year.
Fortunately, the night wasn't a complete loss, as I found after the game ended, when I clicked to ESPN.com and saw that
the Yankees lost. I picked Atlanta and Anaheim in the world series, a prediction Atlanta responded to by immediately losing two games and ending their season. Anaheim carried on though, and now they're off to Chicago for a best of 7 that starts tomorrow. They'll probably be tired after battling the Yankees, while Chicago walked all over the disinterested Red Sox, and as a result Anaheim will be dwn 2-0 before they can blink.
Oh, and since I'm talking about sports, I should probably mention that they're
playing professional hockey in the US again. I'd make a joke, but whatever. If you care about hockey, you already knew they were playing again. If you're like the rest of us you see a news item about it every now and then, but it never really makes an impression on your consciousness.
America's Ten Most Expensive Homes.
Interesting article in Forbes about the most expensive properties in America. The title is a bit misleading, since these are the ten most expensive single properties for sale right now. Whether anyone's going to pay that much is another question, and it seems not, since the article says one sold last year for $46m after listing at $60m, and
the current #5 has been on the market since 2000, at an ever-increasing price.
There are some damn nice places though, even if comparing them is very apples to oranges. How do you side by side a brownstone in NYC vs. a 171 acre property in Hawaii? One is a single house with no room to expand, the other is a damn kingdom that could be developed commercially, or chopped up and sold as a number of individual mansion. Still, just
look at the list and click through the pictures, while trying to ignore the horrible slide show technology.
A Good Time to be a Baby.
Why? Some of the American myths about babies needing awful, bland food are
starting to be overturned.
Ditch the rice cereal and mashed peas, and make way for enchiladas, curry and even -- gasp! -- hot peppers. It's time to discard everything you think you know about feeding babies. It turns out most advice parents get about weaning infants onto solid foods -- even from pediatricians -- is more myth than science.
That's right, rice cereal may not be the best first food. Peanut butter doesn't have to wait until after the first birthday. Offering fruits before vegetables won't breed a sweet tooth. And strong spices? Bring 'em on.
"There's a bunch of mythology out there about this," says Dr. David Bergman, a Stanford University pediatrics professor. "There's not much evidence to support any particular way of doing things."
...
experts say children over 6 months can handle most anything, with a few caveats: Be cautious if you have a family history of allergies; introduce one food at a time and watch for any problems; and make sure the food isn't a choking hazard.
Parents elsewhere in the world certainly take a more freewheeling approach, often starting babies on heartier, more flavorful fare -- from meats in African countries to fish and radishes in Japan and artichokes and tomatoes in France.
The difference is cultural, not scientific, says Dr. Jatinder Bhatia, a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics' nutrition committee who says the American approach suffers from a Western bias that fails to reflect the nation's ethnic diversity.
...
How to introduce healthy children to solid food has rarely been studied. Even the federal government has given it little attention; dietary guidelines apply only to children 2 and older.
In a review of the research, Nancy Butte, a pediatrics professor at Baylor College of Medicine, found that many strongly held assumptions -- such as the need to offer foods in a particular order or to delay allergenic foods -- have little scientific basis.
Take rice cereal, for example. Under conventional American wisdom, it's the best first food. But Butte says iron-rich meat -- often one of the last foods American parents introduce — would be a better choice.
Dr. David Ludwig of Children's Hospital Boston, a specialist in pediatric nutrition, says some studies suggest rice and other highly processed grain cereals actually could be among the worst foods for infants.
"These foods are in a certain sense no different from adding sugar to formula. They digest very rapidly in the body into sugar, raising blood sugar and insulin levels" and could contribute to later health problems, including obesity, he says.
Besides the health benefits, or at least the non-detriments, of a wider diet, the article says it'll help get kids to eat a wider-variety of food. The little animals are weirdly-picky, so I suppose if you get them eating a lot of different things early on, when they suddenly decide they won't eat _______ anymore, at least you'll have other options.
I always liked fruits and vegetables as a kid, but I went through a pickier phase in my teens when I just wanted fast food and other junk. I eventually outgrew it and will now eat most anything healthy that's not beef or 90% meat. When I was younger though, I'd start and stop eating things all the time, or insist upon one particular brand name, or whatever. Or so my parents tell me. Apparently I liked Chinese food until I was about 6 or 7, when I suddenly just refused to eat it, in any form. I decided it was slimy or gross or something, and it was therefore a surprise to my dad when I started eating it again in my late teens. I have no memory of eating it as a kid, or not eating it as an older kid, but there's a lot I don't remember about my younger years, so that's no real surprise.
I do recall being crazy about various brands though, and refusing to eat other kinds of the same thing. For example, any cheese that wasn't the goddawful plastic Kraft American singles. (Once I became picky, it took me years to develop a taste for any decent cheese; I was strictly cheddar and American singles, like many kids.) I think there were various brands of hot dogs and bologna and pasta and other stuff I mandated as well, most of which I don't even consider eating today. I vaguely remember being picky about this or that, and feeling like it was the most important thing on earth at the time, though in retrospect I have no idea why.
<soapbox psychology> It was probably a control issue as a child after my parents divorce; I felt powerless and abandoned and the one thing I could control was what I ate, and I could use that to manipulate my parents and feel some sense of stability. Plus I was as victimized by TV commercials as most kids, and picked brands to be loyal to based on nothing more than whims and marketing campaigns and illusional peer pressure.</soapbox psychology>
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Wedding Recap.
So Gura's wedding was Saturday afternoon, with the reception Saturday evening, and as far as I could tell, a good time was had by all. Malaya and I enjoyed it, at least, though there was a lot of driving with the changing locations and there was some panic this morning when it took the salon far longer than estimated to do her hair and makeup, and despite me driving her 20 miles to the hotel at high speed, she missed all the "stuff the bride into her gown" fun.
The wedding was in a Catholic church, my second time ever in one, (the first was this summer, at another friend's wedding), and it wasn't bad. As always, I'm struck with something like amazed realization when around people who really believe in a religion and take all of that "Jesus died for our sins" stuff not as a metaphorical myth, but as an historical and theological reality. I find myself wondering how they can believe that, and believe that there's this invisible God hovering somewhere above, who hears their every thought and listens to their prayers, when all the evidence of the actual world so strongly argues against it. Fortunately, I've read enough to realize that the wars and starvation and misery and biology and geology and so on that I see as obvious proof that there is no God can be taken by believers as obvious proof that there is not just a God, but
the God, just as He's described in their Bible. And there's no point in debating an issue when the same evidence can be seen by both sides as proof that they are correct. Not that I was going to debate anyone about anything at the wedding.
It wasn't a bad service, actually. I've long since grown comfortable with my non-belief, and it doesn't offend me when people pray, or talk about how God is blessing this or that. Whatever makes them happy, just as long as they're not blowing up planes, or dragging science education in the US back into the Middle Ages, or otherwise inconveniencing me with their
delusions beliefs. And since the priest at the wedding seemed friendly and was personable and non-judgmental and didn't condemn others or lecture, it was a good service. They even had some nice music and singing and such, with half a dozen people playing
kulintang music for the bridal procession, and that was really cool. You could probably hunt up some samples online, but it's all metal drums and gongs and such, but has a very tribal rhythm and sound. Like something you'd hear during a really good fight scene in a martial arts movie.
The wedding didn't even go that long, and I had 2.5 hours at home after that and before I had to drive down to the reception. I spent the time watching the USC game on tape and eating a garden burger with some delicious FFS, washed down with a Dr. Pepper. A Dr. Pepper I was tragically-eager to consume, after denying myself any caffeine for the past 3 days, while trying to get to bed earlier, knowing I'd have to get up early on Saturday.
Ironically, it turned out that I didn't, since Malaya just let me keep on sleeping at 9, and drove herself to her hair/makeup appointment. I woke up at 9:30, wondered where she'd gone, got a drink of water, and then wandered back into bed like a good naked himbo. Next stop, noon!
The reception was nice as well. I was lucky enough to sit at the head table, since I was escorting Malaya and she was the Maid of Honor, so I and she had someone to talk to. On her left was the groom and bride, and on my right was the best woman and her husband, who I'd never met but who I enjoyed talking to. Especially once I had 1.5 glasses of mediocre Chardonnay in me, and found my loquaciousness and volume increasing exponentially.
The whole event was in the huge convention hall, with about 350 guests, by the pre-show estimate. The head table was in the middle, up on a dias, with 9 seats (mom, dad, grandmother of the bride, along with the aforementioned six). The dance floor was in front of us, with lots of 10-person round tables on each side of it. So we had a good view of the dance floor, and we got served first, and then almost no one was at the head table after we ate, since we were all on the dance floor or circulating or sitting at the lower tables, since seats cleared out once people the cake was cut and the hour grew late.
Like all weddings, little kids raced around out of control and commanded far more than their share of attention, the DJ played far too many uptempo songs that no one over the age of 22 wanted to dance to, water refills were non-existent, and half of the entrees were served cold, but those are petty gripes. We enjoyed the bamboo and golden pinecone centerpieces, the cake came in two flavors both of which were delicious, the DJ knew enough to keep his damn mouth shut most of the time, and as a bonus, there was entertainment. Two young girls did some hip-banging Polynesian dancing, and then they ran a photo presentation from a DVD projector. The bride and groom had gone over their extensive photo archives and selected dozens of themselves over the years, from childhood up, and the bride had taken her technical skills and turned them into a slide show, with appropriate music. It was nice, with adorable baby pictures, childhood photos, teen years and young adult years, and so on, for each of them, in turn. After that they ran a bunch of photos of the two of them together (they'd been dating for almost a decade), to much applause and appreciation from the audience. Malaya and I immediately decided to steal that idea for our own future wedding, and she correctly said, "We've got to start taking more photos of ourselves."
Otherwise how will we remember? Or show it off to others?
All in all it was a lovely time, and interesting for me since I knew both the bride and groom pretty well. Malaya and I often wonder just how marriage really changes anything, especially if you're already living together, like we are. We still don't know, but people say it does, and we're curious to see any changes or effects it has on our newlywed friends. They do not live together, so that's one change, but they've been dating only each other for so many years that you'd think it would be no adjustement at all to be married, rather than just engaged. Right? Malaya thinks it's just psychological, with the "now we're forever" mind set. That's true on some level, at least for some people, but with 50% or more of marriages now ending in divorce, it's obviously far from a universal truth.
How about the mindset, though? Do people ever get married thinking (perhaps realistically) that they'll have 2 or 5 or 10 years together and then want to move on? Or do they delude themselves every time, and even serial monogamists like Elizabeth Taylor and Larry King think that this, their 4th, or 5th, or 7th marriage, will last forever? Do people even want it to last forever? You hear suggestions about 1 or 5 or 10 year contracts that couples could draw up, and then choose to renew, or not. Why lock yourself into one person forever, when none of us would do that with living location, or job, or car, or favorite food, or whatever?
I guess the magical and romantic notion of one marriage forever persists since people want to find that special someone and grow old together. I know I do, and I'm very happy to have found Malaya, for now and for the future. (Well, aside from the "growing old" part. I'd be okay with eternal youth, though I am doing my best to remain 29 forever.)
Anyway, this has gone afield, but it was a nice wedding and a great party afterwards, and if they ever want to do it again, I'm game.
NFL not on TV.
I often bitch about the crappy televised NFL options in the Bay Area, but this is such a case in point I had to post about it. As far as I know, the standard Sunday afternoon in the US includes 3 televised football games. Games run about 3 hours, and begin at 10am and 1pm, PST. In my viewing experience (largely in San Diego), there are almost always 3 games on. 2 early and 1 late, or vice versa. Which games depends on when your local team is playing, what other games are on and who is hosting them and so on. But the number of games is pretty absolute; I don't ever recall there not being 3 games on in San Diego. There were usually 2 early games and one late one, since there are more games played early. [Since more teams are located in the Eastern and Central time zones than in the Mountain or the Pacific time zones.] The disparity was so great that the NFL would sometimes back one of the east coast games up to play at 4pm local time and be broadcast nationwide, on weeks that every late game was awful.
In San Diego, the late game, for better or worse, usually featured San Diego, simply because they were the local team, and that's when they played their home games and at least half of their road games.
In the Bay Area, we've got 2 teams who are on almost every week, both of whom suck, and that's my usual complaint. The Raiders and 49ers sucking is kind of random though, since both have been godo within the last few years, and both will likely return to glory, or at least semi-entertaining mediocrity in a few more years, given the cyclical nature of the NFL and the realities of salary caps and bad teams getting higher draft picks.
Besides I know the NFL's TV rules (a little bit, at least) and I realize they're going to show Oakland and SF on TV here, when they're playing. (Barring the rare and glorious event of a home game not selling out in advance, and therefore not being broadcast on local TV.) What I don't understand is why some weeks there are only 2 games on, and why the best games of the week are so seldom shown here.
This weekend there were supposed to be 3 games on; 1 early and 2 late, or at least that's what the TV listings said
when I checked on Friday. I just checked again though, to see if anything was worth setting the VCR for today and um... there's only 2 games on. Seattle @ StLouis early on FOX, and Indy @ SF late, on CBS. They had a second game listed earlier this week, a late game on FOX, but now that I look we've got the following television delights scheduled for later today:
1-2pm: Stargate SG-1 : Lockdown (SciFi) TVPG CC Stereo
2-3pm: The Outer Limits : Joy Ride TVPG CC Stereo
3-3:30pm: Paid Programming
3:30-4pm: Fox News Sunday With Chris Wallace (Talk / Tabloid) CC Stereo
I can hardly wait! Infomercials, rather than say, Eagles @ Dallas, or Wash @ Denver! Hell, even Carolina @ Phoenix would beat 30 minutes of the Ab-Master, though given that the game involves Phoenix, that might be a close call.
The explanation, I assume is that FOX is scheduled to show an MLB playoff game at 4pm (though the start time of the game isn't until 4:35), and since the late NFL games usually start at 1:15 and never end before 4:30, they had an unavoidable overlap, and would rather not show a game than show a game and cut away from the 4th quarter. Why they couldn't shift it over to Fox Sports, or FX or one of their other worthless cable channels is a question I'd like to ask, but I assume the answer would be some idiotic broadcast contract legalese that would just depress me.
So if FOX is giving up their late game, why isn't the other network currently showing NFL games picking it up, or adding an early one, if they were only showing a late game in a given market (like this one)? Hell, there are 4 late games and 8 early ones; and we're stuck with Seattle @ StLouis? (Not that the other games are such prize pigs; it's a pretty awful weekend of match-ups in the NFL.) Again, I assume it's some stupid broadcast contract thing, and FOX has first right of refusal, and no one can preempt them if they decide not to show the baseball playoffs instead of the NFL. Except that when I check the TV listings for San Diego, or just for the hell of it, Cleveland, they've both got 3 games on; 2 early and 1 late.
San Diego residents will enjoy Tampa @ NYJ and NE @ Atlanta early, with Philly @ Dallas late, on FOX, with no apparent regard for the MLB playoff game that doesn't start there until 4:30. Cleveland gets Tennessee @ Houston and Tampa @ NYJ early, with Philly @ Dallas late. An ugly pair of early games, but they're lucky in one way, since they've got the local team blackouts I dream of here, with the early crap-fest of Cleveland hosting Chicago not televised.
I'm not quite crazy enough to check the TV listings for every other major metropolitan area in the country, but seriously, WTF is up with the Bay Area only getting 2 games while everyone else gets 3? And with the baseball coverage beginning at 4, when it doesn't start until 4:30 everywhere else? *sigh* Oh well, at least the weather here is lovely. And the Sunday night game is pretty good. And we're probably going to be out running errands all afternoon anyway. And I've got lots better things to do than watch football on TV, even with the "3 hour game in 45 minutes" magic of the VCR.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Dumbest Announcer Ever?
Watching a minute of the Angels/Yankees playoff game tonight (it was on at the gym and I saw Anaheim was winning, so I turned it on when I got home), and one of the announcers said what was probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard during a televised sports cast. And
with the quality of the announcers in the NFL, that's saying something. I don't know the announcers, but I think Joe Morgan was the one with the gem of a comment.
The Angels had men on 1st and 3rd, with no outs. The batter hit a weak bouncer to the 3rd baseman. He appeared to not know there was a need for a double play, since he fielded the ball, and then sort of fumbled it a minute, before throwing to second base. The runner on first was charging hard, and when the ball got near the second baseman he jumped out of the way, taking his foot off the bag before he caught the ball. As a result, the 2nd base umpire (correctly) called the runner safe. It was a pretty obvious call, and it's not like the rule isn't clear; you have to hold the ball and step on the base to record a force out. Everyone knows that.
Confusion reigned, until they showed the slow motion replay and it became very clear that the 2nd baseman had lifted his foot before he caught the ball. Much to my shock, after the one announcer pointed out the obvious, the other guy (
the notorious Joe Morgan) objected. "That's not right." he said. "He... he... the ball beat the runner... he just stepped to avoid the slide."
Well yeah, Joe. It's called breaking up a double play. The whole job of the guy on first is to run fast and slide hard so that even if he's out, he at least gets in the way enough that the 2nd baseman can't throw out the batter. Apparently in Joe's world, the runner is out if the 2nd baseman
could have stepped on the base with the ball, but just chose not to since he might have been hit by the runner. So are runners safe at first if the throw beats them, but they could have run faster except they've got a sore hamstring? Hey, he would have been safe; he just took it easy to avoid injury.
They went to commercial at that point, and I got into the shower, so I don't know if Joe apologized or tried to explain his insane reaction, but let's pretend he did so we'll feel better about the people they allow to speak on TV.
Seriously though, WTF? I thought Morgan was an old-school "fundamentals" type guy. Doesn't he like hard slides and guys getting spiked and such? I expected him to start railing on the pussy 2nd baseman for hopping like a bunny before he had the ball, thus giving away a crucial out in a cruical game. Is the Yankees' payroll
actually $204 million, once you add in the special "buying friendly announcers" fund? I am perplexed. Luckily for Joe, I'll probably hear Chris Berman doing football play by play at some point this year, and a mere ten minutes of his utterances will eclipse anything Joe's ever said, (but not written) on the misguided nonsense index.
Blogging, Reviews, and Fiction
I'm blogging a fair amount lately, and yet I keep falling behind on my list of topics to blog about. On top of that, I've got several reviews to write while the films/books are still fresh in my mind, and I need to spend even more time working on fiction. I'm sure where the hours are going lately, but somehow I never seem to finish what I want to finish. I might have to cut back on some of the spur of the moment/news blogging stuff, since there are a few essay-type things I've had on my notes page, and there are those reviews, and those all require some thought and more time spent typing/less time spent surfing.
It's not the end of the world though, and my fiction is going well, lately. At least on the nights when I get into it and make solid progress, rather than nibbling and editing and popping off to play one more quick game of
Street Fighter II. (Actually, I've long since downloaded the shockwave file itself and I just run it from my desktop in a browser window. I recommend that with all good flash files; there's less lag and you can resize them as you wish.)
Last night I got involved in finishing up chapter six at around 3am, and the next thing I knew it was 6:30 and I had no idea where the last 3.5 hours had gone. I then worked another hour, added notes for the last section of the chapter, and grudgingly went to bed.... where I tossed and turned for an hour or more, thinking about the book and other stuff, while reminding myself to get up at noon so I'd be tired earlier Friday night for the Saturday early morning wedding-related wake up.
Even that sort of writing stretch sort of depresses me, since while those were a good 4 hours, I need to spend 6 or 8 at it every day, to meet the deadlines I've set myself. And I almost never do. I thought I was almost finished with chapter 6 two weeks ago, but thanks to days of no work, and slow/tricky revisions/editing, and unforeseen additions, I'm still not there. You'd think I would have learned by now, but with every chapter I pull a Blizzard and start telling myself and others that it's 99% done, when it turns out to actually be about 75% finished, with a last 25% that takes longer than the previous 50%, and a review/editing period that adds another week or two on top of that. Math is hard.
Anyway, I am happy with the story to this point, especially the last 3 chapters, which will require far less eventual rewriting than chapters 2 and 3. Six particularly is interesting, since it's all from the PoV of new characters, ones the reader will start chapter six thinking of as "bad guys." An opinion that will probably change as they get more of the other side of the argument, and learn more background facts and history about the world the story is set in. I enjoy confounding expectations, and thickening the plot, and chapter six does that very well. Whether it will still in the final published form is another question, and one I can't answer just yet. In this rough draft I'm throwing in the answers to most of the mysteries, and a ton of background info. I might leave it that way, or I might rearrange things, remove some things, spread some things out through other chapters, and so on. It'll really depend on how I feel during the rewrite, and what advice and opinion I get from other readers, who didn't have it all in their heads to begin with.
I'll definitely benefit from working with a good editor on this one, since it's such an epic tale with numerous plot threads and characters with different motivations, and there is a ton of background info and history that readers discover halfway or 2/3 of the way through, that sheds new light on things they read about early on. I've got the info and the action and such, but I can definitely use some help and advice on how best to present it all, and I'm sure there will be quite a bit of rearranging of info, to improve the presentation.
Fortunately, the last 3 or 4 chapters are going to be pretty much a sprint to the finish, taking place in a relatively linear time frame, so they shouldn’t be that challenging to write or edit. And yes, I'm pulling a Blizzard here. Again.
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit debuts this weekend, and while Malaya wasn't always a fan, she's grown to be one, and is now as or more eager than I am to see this film. We're going on Sunday, in theory, though we might end up saving it until our MNF-delaying Monday night date.
I've long loved Wallace and Gromit, and was lucky enough to see
The Wrong Trousers and
A Close Shave at animation festivals when they first debuted, before anyone had seen them on DVD. Hell, that was before there were DVDs. My viewing of them is forever tainted after that, since nothing beats being in a packed auditorium of people all howling with laughter or cheering with delight at a brilliant short film, and when I watch them now I never really know if what I'm seeing is
that funny and clever, or if I just remember it being that funny and clever since it seemed that way the first time.
While they are brilliant on the whole, there are some slow spots and dull stretches in those the three Wallace and Gromit shorts, and that's giving me some worry about the feature film. Will it be jam-packed, or full of lulls? I enjoyed
Chicken Run, but far less than any of the three W&G shorts, and thought it would have been a brilliant 35-minute short, rather than a mediocre 90-minute film.
Thus far,
the sparkling RT reviews are giving me hope. The film's at 96% now, with 74/77 positive reviews, and it's getting a lot of raves, as the
85% on Metacritic attests. Unfortunately, the three negative reviews on RT say exactly what I didn't want them to say:
The subject matter strains under the weight of a full-length film, even one that runs only 84 minutes. Much of the running time feels padded out."
-- Phil Villarreal, ARIZONA DAILY STAR
"There is a flaccid, overextended feel to the antics, as if the characters had been stretched like Silly Putty 'til they cried uncle."
-- Jan Stuart, NEWSDAY
"There seems to be a fairly rabid cult following for the quirky claymation characters of Wallace and Gromit, but count me out. This is a chaotic mess of a film."
-- Dustin Putman, THEMOVIEBOY.COM
Okay, we can disregard the third one, since if you don't know W&G by now, you're dead to me. Actually, I'm sort of encouraged by Movieboy there, since at least he says it's "chaotic." The first two though, strike at the very heart of my "it'll be padded and full of lulls" worry.
Granted, if my biggest concern is that the movie will only be 50% brilliant, with some boredom, that's not a real big worry. After all, with most films, 50% brilliant would be about a 45% upgrade. Still, it's the initial expectations that largely determine the enjoyment 90% of the time I go to the theater, and while I'm trying not to get carried away and doom my fun by seeing a film that could never possibly live up to my hopes for it, it's hard not to be excited in advance. Honestly, these (very) few negative reviews are helping, since if everyone (rather than just 96% of everyone) absolutely raved about it, I'd go in expecting near-perfection, and would inevitably leave without attaining it.
Weekend Sports.
Football! It's a pretty lackluster slate of games this weekend, actually. I'm looking forward to Monday Night and my favored Chargers hosting the infidel Steelers, but Sunday's games offer a pretty poor selection. Really, aside from NE@Atl and Wash@Den, point me to a decent day game? The Sunday night game is a surprisingly good match up, at least going by records of the teams in it, but JAX can't score and Cin hasn't played anyone, so it's really only any good in comparison to the rest of the weekend's slate. Even Wash@Den is a dubious game, with Washington's 3-0 record a complete illusion, and a Denver team that can be great, horrible, or anywhere in between.
Of course I live in the "NFL on TV cursed" Bay Area, so I'm speaking largely in theoreticals. We get Seattle @ StL early on FOX, the Indy @ SF turkey-shoot late on CBS, and a TBD late game on FOX; I'd guess Philly @ Dallas, since it's NFC and those are prominent teams, but they might go by geography and the Western Division, and give us Carolina @ Arizona. *shudder* Tragically, it's Oakland's bye week, and there's
still not a decent game on.
Even college football is lame this weekend, with always-televised and newly-watchable Notre Dame off, USC playing a game notable only for its truly-remarkable 38 1/2 point spread, and nothing else of much advance interest on. The annual Texas/Oklahoma game is this weekend, and that's usually good for a laugh as Texas' annual title hopes vanish in a blowout that serves largely to further inflate OU's undeserved #1 status. Texas is in their usual "top five but never #1" position pre-game, but OU decided to flop early this season, rather than late, and they're already out of the title hunt with a pair of losses. I usually root for Texas in this match up, but this year I can't help but hope OU humiliates them again, just to fuck with the Texas coach and his inability to win against OU, and to get their rust-colored asses out of the national headlines for a month or two. Not that my interest extends far enough to actually watch the game, mind you. That's what highlight shows are for.
My ideal football viewing experience these days is to tape a game while I'm out doing something with Malaya, so I can then watch it later and skip all the commercials and dead time. I might enjoy the USC game just to see them put on an offensive clinic, but it's going to be less than half over by the time I get home after the wedding, which puts a hex on my taping preferences. Maybe I'll tape the whole thing and write, or nap, or whatever, and watch it before I leave for the wedding, or late that night when I get home?
That's the plan Monday night, at least, since I just can't justify sitting through 3.5 hours of TV to watch that game, much though I'd like to. So I'm going to tape it while Malaya and I go out on a date of some sort. They're always trying to find ways to make football games go faster, but I actually like the length of games. I'd like them to go 90 minutes even, with that many more plays and scores and such. They'd take 5 hours to play at that rate, with all of the TV breaks, but since I mostly just tape them and watch them later, FFing after every play, that's okay with me.
Apparently there's baseball on over the weekend too, but I don't care about the playoffs, at least not enough to sit through the insomnia cure that is televised baseball. My only theoretical rooting interest was the San Diego Padres, but they didn't deserve to make the playoffs anyway, and with literally
every expert predicting they'd be beaten by StL, and most predicting a sweep, there didn't seem to be much reason to pay attention. And with StL promptly up 2-0 in the best of 5 series, I guess the experts knew best.
Other than the SD loss, there was wide agreement that Houston was the best team in the National League, and lots of people are picking them to win it all. I honestly didn't realize they were even in playoff contention until a few weeks ago; my only memory of their season was a horrible start and lots of talk about how Biggio and Bagwell were both suddenly over the hill. Yet here's Houston, claiming the wild card spot and being widely-predicted to win it all. How did that happen? (Yes, that's a rhetorical question; I don't actually care.)
My picks are based on nothing at all, but I'm going with Anaheim and Atlanta in the World Series, with Atlanta finally winning another championship. Everyone predicted them to at last collapse in the regular season, and I couldn't name a pitcher on their team other than John Smoltz, and I have no idea if he's a starting pitcher or a closer now, but I recall seeing some articles about all the rookies Atlanta was playing this year, and how great a job they'd done rebuilding while continuing to win, so they get my vote just for that.
Ohhhh... oh... oh... oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhh... and so forth...
Kali Update
Kali and my knees! As a side effect of the wedding, there weren't any Kali classes last week, and there aren't going to be any next week either. I've done some Kali with Malaya, but nothing strenuous, and I've gone to the gym twice, but that's less than usual, and I didn't work myself to death either time. As a result, my knees are feeling pretty damn good.
They don't hurt all the time usually, but they're always a bit sore, and I'm accustomed to always wincing a bit when climbing stairs, squatting down, etc. Over the past few days though, I've been hopping up stairs two at a time, squatting rather than kneeling when getting stuff out of the bottom of the fridge, climbing out of the car without a grunt of pain, and so on. It's sort of nice, though I'm really missing Kali, by now. Malaya is too; she's missing Friday night class to attend the wedding rehearsal, and there's no way she's getting up in time for Sunday morning after the reception, so maybe she and I can spend an hour hitting each other with sticks Sunday afternoon.
It's problematic for me though, since she's got her lovely French manicure now, and a large part of stick-fighting in Kali is aiming for the other person's hand. I'm sure she won't mind a broken nail or two on Sunday though, with the wedding already over. Right?
I've been lazy too, and not even done my usual solo Kali. A couple of months ago, I decided that I was going to do at least 20 or 30 minutes a day of stick work, just to build up my calluses and keep my eye and arm sharp. The more time you spend handing the stick, or sticks, or sword, or whatever, the better you get with them. And while swinging it at a tree limb, or a planter, or nothing while working on circling or crossing footwork, isn't as useful as actually working with another person, it's a lot better than nothing.
I was good at getting out there every night for a few weeks, but I've been falling off lately with a busier schedule and less daylight. That's no excuse though, especially since I really need to work on my open hand stuff too. We've got a heavy bag hanging on the back patio, and I was very lackluster with my empty hand attacks last week in Kali. I was rusty with my punches, I had no rhythm with my jab flurries, and my left hand wasn't sure at all. All things easily cured by some time on the heavy bag.
And yet here I sit... I'm resting my knees, though. Or something.
Weekend Wedding
I was going to make one post with several short notes on this and that. Unfortunately and very predictably, given my writing style, the short notes were almost immediately not short, so I decided to put them up in separate posts. Adding to the confusion, I'm putting this introduction on the first post, but since most of you will read them hours or days later, this will be the last post you read, thus showing you the introduction long after it would have done any good.
Alas:
Wedding! My Kali Gura and Malaya's long time friend is getting married Saturday, in a huge ceremony. The wedding's at noon in the Bay Area, the reception's at 6 down 30 miles south, and Malaya's caught in between. And I'm caught with her.
Tomorrow I've got to get up at the very un-Flux-friendly time of 9am to drive Malaya to her hair and makeup appointment. I must then wait or return to drive her down south to the hotel where the bride is staying, and where the reception will be. Once they've got Gura suited up in her gown and such, they're riding north to the church in a limo, and then riding back down to the hotel afterwards. I need to drive Malaya to her hair/makeup appointment, to the hotel, show up at the church, and then return to the hotel around 5, so I can help out on setting things up for the reception. I’m not actually in the wedding party, so my responsibilities are fairly limited. I could hang out all day and ride with them in the limo, but since I'm not needed I'd rather be selfish and have some time to myself, even if I just spend the afternoon sitting around trying not to wrinkle my formal wear while watching college football. Hell, given the wake up time, and the fact that I'll be at the reception until it ends at midnight, and then after that for clean up and such, I should probably get a damn nap in the afternoon.
Malaya will be relieved when the wedding is over, since her bride's maid duties have been running her ragged. She's been organizing bachelorette parties and lots of other things, creating props and centerpieces and displays, working on seating charts, helping with wardrobe issues, and much more. I've done a bit of program folding and centerpiece prep, but really, my biggest contribution thus far was getting a damn haircut yesterday, so I won't embarrass everyone else at the head table. It wasn't even a good haircut, since I made her go too short and I look all fuzzy and puffy, with some sort of straight whiteboy afro on my head. Hopefully it'll improve with the addition of some hair gel, since it looked okay yesterday, fresh from the barber shop.
Bad hair or not, I'm looking forward to the wedding. I know and like both the bride and groom, the food is going to be delicious (I got to taste the options when we stopped by the hotel on the way down to Long Beach last month.) and since it's a Filipino wedding, I can wear my barong and be formal. Put me in a fancy t-shirt instead of a coat and tie any day! There will even be tons of ballroom music for dancing (the bride and groom are insisting upon it) so Malaya and I can get out and waltz a bit. We didn't get to any more dance lessons since the ones I blogged about months ago, but hopefully we'll remember enough to at least shuffle around in rhythm. No one else can ever dance at parties either, so it's not like we won't fit in.
New Site Stats
I haven't posted about site stats in forever, largely because they've been quite stable for the past year or so, since I'm no longer pimping myself in my D2 columns. Those would always bring a huge influx of visitors and make for some interesting hit totals, and back in those days I was still paying attention to readership. I pay attention to it still, and I hope people read and enjoy this, since no one wants to just talk to themselves online, but I'm not doing anything to actively pump up site stats anymore. I never send links to myself to any other sites, or work them into the D2 site, or whatever.
That being said, I do still enjoy seeing the site stats from time to time, and looking at the odd searches people did to find this site, and so on. So when the site stats stopped working during the last week of September, and were recording figures like 4 total visitors a day during October, I wondered what was going on. And when I finally got around to checking it just now, I got some good news. Out went the old and quite crappy site stats engine, and in came a new one called Urchin. I've been playing with it for a few minutes, clicking through the different displays, and it's quite nifty, though still flawed.
It lists every page hit and ever referrer and such, down through hundreds and thousands of entries. For example, thus far for October there are 1074 entrance pages listed, with the number of hits each has gotten. Unfortunately, while the referrer listings are just as extensive (251 so far in October) the info about them is not detailed. I see how many came from each referrer, and that most of them are search engines, but I can not see the actual search strings that people typed into those search engines. And that's the stat I've always found the most amusing.
Even though the old search engine, ever-crappy webalizer, only listed a few of the search strings, they were always good for a laugh. Here are the top 20 it showed from the first three weeks of September:
1 black champagne
2 preston spears
3 rock band names
4 blackchampagne
5 cartman aristocrats
6 cartman's dirtiest joke ever
7 london preston spears
8 middle earth mod
9 alphabetical list of rock bands
10 diablo 2 middle earth mod
11 diablo middle earth mod
12 drop mod
13 alphabetical band names
14 chocolate liquor bottles
15 http://www.blackchampagne.com/2005/09/prodigy-or-hack.html
16 mega m
17 middle earth mods
18 tae kwan-do photographs
19 www.blackchampagne.com
20 all five members full names in the band called wilburys
So yeah, the new engine is much more useful and informative, but it's just not as much fun.
That being said, I have to admit that I love the page loads and the filters. The engine lets me exclude or mandate various words in the results, and that's awesome. For example, I just sorted the top page loads so that only files with "reviews" in the URL would show up. It turns out that there have been 173 such pages loaded thus far this month, and you'll never guess what #1 is:
/reviews/f-chilis.shtml 63
/reviews/b-stories-rabbits.shtml 57
/reviews/m-charlie-chocolate.shtml 52
/reviews/b-earthsea.shtml 49
/reviews/m-blade3.shtml 46
/reviews/b-historian.shtml 45
/reviews/m-spring-summer.shtml 43
/reviews/b-savage-pastimes.shtml 40
/reviews/b-depraved.shtml 39
/reviews/index.shtml 36
/reviews/f-claim-jumper.shtml 19
/reviews/m-elektra.shtml 19
/reviews/b-dead-angels.shtml 18
/reviews/m-transporter1.shtml 18
/reviews/b-portrait-killer.shtml 17
/reviews/b-fantasy-novelists.shtml 16
/reviews/b-angels-demons.shtml 14
/reviews/b-tehanu.shtml 14
/reviews/m-batman-begins.shtml 14
/reviews/b-seventh-scroll.shtml 11
/reviews/m-chop-socky.shtml 10
Yes, 67 people have loaded the review of Chili's Restaurant, and if you look further down, you'll see the Claim Jumper review also in the top 10. No, I have no idea why. No one has ever sent me an email about anything I said about a restaurant, as far as I know, and those pages aren't even really reviews; they're just sort of collected comments with no real rhyme or reason to them.
When it comes to the popularity of review pages (and other pages), I suspect the hits have much more to do with search engine rankings any anything else. After all, if 2,000,000 people search for Harry Potter reviews and mine are listed on the 87th page of Google returns, no one is ever going to click to them. But if 100 people search for reviews of
Stories Rabbits Tell and my review is on the first page of results, I'll end up with a lot of referrals. 57 so far this month, apparently.
By the way, I was too lazy to paste in all of the http and a href= stuff to turn these text results into links, so if you want to hop to those pages, just paste in the /reviews/whatever.shtml after the http://www.blackchampagne.com in your browser, and hit enter. Lastly, if you're curious about some other site stat stuff, ask in the comments. I can answer there and/or keep it in mind for the next time I talk about this stuff.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Snake eats alligator... mostly.
I'm oddly-unexcited about this, given the subject matter, but I feel a sort of BlackChampagne-ish requirement to post about it, even though most of you have probably already seen it. The news is that some wildlife rangers found a dead snake and alligator way out in the Everglades. The interesting part is that the snake is a Burmese python, a non-native species that no doubt began life as someone's pet (or perhaps was born wild from two ex-pet Burmese Pythons), and that
it died while swallowing a six foot alligator which clawed through the stomach of the snake. Now there's something you don't see every day.
"They were probably evenly matched in size," Professor Mazzotti said of the latest battle. "If the python got a good grip on the alligator before the alligator got a good grip on him, he could win."
While the gator may have been injured before the battle began, wounds were found on it that apparently were not caused by python bites. Professor Mazzotti believes it was alive when the battle began. And it may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it, leading to the blow-up. The python was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Its stomach still surrounded the alligator's head, shoulders, and forelimbs.
There are several photos of this online, including ones that currently take 3 of the 4 most popular shots on Yahoo News. Unfortunately, most of the photos are pretty crappy quality. Here you see the best one I've seen, and I played with the levels a bit to make it clearer and not so washed out. Another
view here, and
here's one with the helicopter in the background, for size comparison.
If you're having trouble making heads or tails of this (literally) the snake and gator are floating on their backs. The head and front legs of the gator are in the lower portion of the snake's body, to the left. To the right you see the gator's tail. Straight up is the snake's upper body. Its head can't be seen since its underwater, or hidden by the stretched out neck.
The snake swallowed the gator head first, and had just gotten the tail down its mouth when the gator must have awakened, or something, and started kicking. Its sharp rear claws were able to rip through the stretched skin, and they tore open the snake. The gator died anyway, probably of suffocation down in the snake's tummy, though as the article says, it had injuries already so maybe those caught up with it, along with damage from the snake's constriction.
Still, though the gators seem to be winning or earning ties so far, imagine what a really big snake could do? Hell, this mere 13 foot snake ate a 6 foot gator, and if it had squeezed a bit longer before swallowing it would have lived to do it again. I bet it had gone through lots of smaller gators before this, too, and it was just a
mid-sized Burmese python; they are far from the largest types of snakes, and they can still get to 15+ feet. (
This photo of an albino Burmese seem like less than a good idea after seeing that alligator's fate?) Imagine a breeding colony of
reticulated pythons or
green anacondas, snakes that can be expected to top 20 feet, and that can eat six foot alligators without a problem? Someone could make a cheesy horror movie about it!
Oh wait...On a personal note, my large Columbian Boa (
snake photos here) was given away before I moved up here, 2.5 years ago, I raised it from shortly after it hatched, and I was still careful around it. I didn't let its face near mine, and I made sure to wash off my hands after handling rats and before handling the snake, just to avoid the chance of any confused bites. I wasn't in any mortal danger from an eight foot snake, but even a quick bite will inflict dozens of puncture wounds, and they can kill people. (Of course dogs cause thousands of injuries and dozens of deaths per year, so YMMV.) I think snakes and other reptiles are great pets, but if you're not a guy with penis issues who simply must have the longest snake available, just get a ball python or something easy to deal with. I've had mine for around 10 years, it's 5 feet long, and is an excellent pet. It's virtually soundless, eats a frozen rat every couple of weeks, doesn't poo that often, doesn't mind being handled, and can be completely ignored in a cage with a heat source and some water for days at a time.
Big snakes are cool and all that, but they're quite a pain in the ass to take care of, their food gets expensive to buy or raise, and their shit is literally toxic waste. Unbelievably smelly and rank, and much larger and messier than you can believe until you're cleaning up a cage full of it two or three times a week. Not that tegus are much different, and
we're still eager to get one of those, at some future time. The worst smell I've ever experienced in my entire life came from a "regurgitated after one day" mouse that a Savannah Monitor I used to own horked back up. So let's hope the future tegus can hold their liquor.
Peter Jackson and Halo: the Movie?
It sounds like an outtake from one of Bill Gates' most vivid fantasies, or a headline you'd see as it was uploaded at 11:59pm, March 31st, but it's true. PJ and his partner/collaborator Fran Walsh are going to be executive producers on the upcoming
Halo movie.
What does that mean, exactly?
"As a gaming fan, I'm excited to bring Halo's premise, action and settings to the screen with all the specificity and reality today's technology can provide," said Jackson. "Fran and I are intrigued by the unique challenges this project offers, and we're delighted to be working again with our friends at Universal, and with our new ones at Fox and Microsoft. I'm a huge fan of the game and look forward to helping it come alive on the cinema screen."
This marks the first time Jackson and Walsh's have provided such services in a film Jackson isn't physically directing. Throughout production, the duo will provide creative counsel on the film via WingNut Films, and Weta Digital and Weta Workshop (the companies who worked on Lord of the Rings) will develop Halo's creatures, miniatures and visual effects. Seeing as how Jackson's set up shop in the heart of New Zealand, it comes as little surprise Halo itself will actually be shot entirely in Wellington, NZ.
This is a good thing for video game movies in general, and a terrific thing for
Halo itself, but should the rest of us care? I've played and enjoyed
Halo, but only in death matches with some friends, and honestly, if there's any more plot to it than "Space Marines battle various alien monsters." I didn't see any sight of it. It's far from an original premise, and results can vary wildly; compare
Aliens and
Starship Troopers, for instance; the best action/scifi movie ever, and the worst, at least in my viewing experience. (
Many people, Malaya among them, say that
Battlefield Earth was the worst, but I've never seen it, and honestly have difficulty conceiving of a movie worse than
Starship Troopers.)
However, it's entirely possible that the single player
Halo and
Halo 2 unveil a complicated and intelligent mythology, with characters more interesting than "guy with gun." If so, perhaps some of that will show up in the film; after all,
Aliens was brilliant due to the writing and the characters; the plot helps, but it's largely beside the point. We just enjoy watching interesting characters fight a losing battle for their lives. At this point that formula has been ripped off so often that its lost a lot of its potential potency, but maybe they've got something clever in mind for
Halo that will give it more appeal than past
video game movie flops like
House of the Dead and
Wing Commander, and future flops like
Doom.
The UK Scourge of "Chavs"
One of the things I most enjoy about the UK is the way they turn out social misfits, and then promptly label them with amusing nicknames. I last posted about "
happy slapping yobs," juvenile delinquents who are entirely deserving of hate, and yet are quite amusing, when viewed from a safe distance. Today's funny article is about "chavs" who are... well, let's just let
the NYTimes article define it for us:
Chavs, whether rich or poor, tend to favor gaudy jewelry and expensive-but-tacky clothes with big logos and to behave in a way that others find coarse or obnoxious.
Male chavs wear tracksuits and baseball caps; female chavs pull their hair tightly back in buns or ponytails, a style known as a "council house facelift," from the term for public housing.
...
The derivation of the word chav, which began to be widely used about a year ago as the problem of binge drinking in Britain's towns and cities became a huge national issue, is murky. Some say it comes from an 18th century Romany word meaning "child"; others believe it may come from the town of Chatham in Kent, known, apparently, for its large chav population (the theory that it is an acronym for "Council Housed and Violent" is most likely untrue).
Chav behavior - outrageous spending sprees, drunken brawls, inappropriate public displays of affection, screaming matches with loved ones in bars, destruction of property, late-night stumbling and/or vomiting - provide celebrity magazines here with much of their material.
So basically a sort of white trash wigger, in US terminology? Britney Spears, perhaps. Whoever you want to nomintae for the title, you've got to enjoy how clearly and analytically the personality type is described in the article. The star of the story is Michael Carroll, of Swaffham (The comical town name is a bonus.)
Known across Britain by his tabloid nickname, the Lotto Lout, Mr. Carroll won £9.7 million (about $15 million at the time) in the national lottery three years ago and showed up to collect his prize while wearing a police-issued electronic ankle bracelet.
...
If nothing else, Mr. Carroll, who did not respond to messages left at his house, has proved since winning that he is not the sort of person to let money turn his head: he has kept having run-ins with the authorities, the only difference being that he now drives nicer cars to court.
"Before he won the lottery, he was a nuisance," Charles Joyce, a local official, said. "He decided to carry on being a nuisance."
Among other things, he has appeared in court more than 30 times in the last three years. He has spent three months in jail on drugs charges, paid thousands of dollars in fines for vandalism and been evicted from several hotels after, for instance, ripping a chandelier from the ceiling while trying to swing from it.
He was recently ordered to perform 240 hours of community service - later increased to 300 - after shooting ball bearings through 32 car and shop windows with a catapult as he drove around in the middle of the night.
He has been issued with two antisocial behavior orders in two local jurisdictions forbidding him to threaten, harass or intimidate anyone in a 400-mile radius. He has been told by local government authorities to stop throwing raucous late-night parties and to stop holding demolition derbies on his land.
And he has been told to clean up the yard of his house, strewn as it is with tires, beer cans, food wrappers, wrecked furniture and the hulks of half-smashed-up old cars.
I think this sort of thing becomes news in the UK since they're basically decent and civilized, so large exceptions to the rule become news? Or more likely, given human nature, the English like to
think that they are basically decent and civilized, and it's easier for everyone to overlook their own deviations from that ideal when you've got white trash chavs to look and laugh at?
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
BlizzCon Gouging Continues
I posted about Blizzard's inaugural BlizzCon
a few months ago, and then posted about it again today. Unfortunately, I tried to upload that post during the evening blog rush hour, bad things happened, and it vanished into the ether. This is in the recreation of it, written hours later, after some time spent folding wedding programs.
Anyway,
BlizzCon is coming up later this month, and while Blizzard has added
a bunch of panels since their first "glorified LAN party" line up, $120 still seems way high for a two-day event. Especially since the big announcement about the band to close the event turned out to be... The Offspring, best known for their 1994 hit,
Keep 'em Separated. I remember those guys, but seriously, what percentage of the sub-20 y/o fans going to BlizCon do you think even know who they are?
Apparently the band announcement didn't exactly send tickets sales skyrocketing, since on Wednesday Blizzard announced a new ticket deal.
$85 for two days, without the concert pass. In other words, everyone who bought a ticket early paid $35 for an Offspring concert that they probably aren't going to stick around to see anyway. Well, at least now we know why Blizzard said no refunds or exchanges on the ticket sales, eh?
I'm going to the event, thanks to Elly wanting me to go and buying my ticket, but if I'd paid my own money, I'd be damn pissed about that $35 they screwed me for. I'm not real excited about the whole thing anyway, but it's not entirely Blizzard's fault that their first year of the BlizCon is lackluster. It's just unlucky, since this is the first year in about the last six that they don't have a new and hotly-anticipated project in the works. No one cares about Starcraft Ghost, which means the only real draw left at BlizCon is World of Warcraft. That game is wildly popular, and they're going to have the upcoming expansion pack available for play at BlizCon, but since WoW itself is still relatively new and since they're adding new dungeons and PVP features and other stuff constantly, is there really a need for an expansion pack? I'm not following the game at all, but they'd better have new classes, new types of monsters, huge new worlds, and so on, or else why would anyone pony up another $50, on top of the monthly fee, for more of the same?
Who knows, by next year's BlizCon they might have announced Diablo III, or Starcraft II, or something else totally new and much-anticipated, and thanks to that they could sellout the event with a closing concert by Clay Aikens.
Things of the Day: Reborn Edition
Quote of the Day: (
QotD Archives)
"'Take whatever idiot they have at the top of whatever agency and give me a better idiot,' he told CBS. 'Give me a caring idiot. Give me a sensitive idiot. Just don't give me the same idiot.'"
--Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish near New Orleans, speaking about Michael Brown, the head of FEMA during hurricane Katrina
Soul-Devouring Worry:Decreasing daily daylight.
Answer of the Day:Because weddings come but once a life. (In theory, anyway.)
Curse of the Day:May nothing ever really change.
Books Lying Open:Harry Potter 6, by J. K. Rowling
The Eight, by Kahterine Neville
Movies to see list:
Wallace and Grommit: The Curse of the Wererabbit, October 5 (Oh yeah.)
Domino, October 14th (maybe)
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, October 21th (maybe)
Jesus is Magic, November 11th (Wait for the DVD.)
Harry Potter 4, November 18th (maybe)
Tom Yum Goong, no set releaes date (salivating with eagerness)
Baseball Playoffs?
So the MLB playoffs began on Tuesday. It was news to me; after a nice weekend of football I hadn't given a thought to that other "national pasttime," but apparently it's October again, AKA "root against the Yankees" time. Yes, again. I should have some interest, if only because my old hometown team, the San Diego Padres is in the playoffs. Of course their presence there is rather a fluke, as they had the lowest winning percentage (82-80 on the season) of any division winning playoff team ever, in a non-strike year.
In other words, they were mediocre while LA, SF, Colorado, and Arizona sucked.
For the first round, San Diego drew St. Louis, the team with the best record in the league this year. StL is heavily favored, but baseball is a team sport that can be greatly effected by individual performances on a game by game basis, so anything is possible, especially in a five game series. One pitcher has a great game, one hitter hits a couple of home runs, the other team has a costly error, and a lesser team can win a game or two, or even three. Going into the series, SD basically had one hope; their star pitcher, Jake Peavy. StL has better overall pitching, and much better hitting, but the best pitcher on either team is on SD, and in theory he could throw two gems in games 1 and 4, and they could steal game 2, 3, or 5, and sneak into the second round... where the Houston/Atlanta winner would wipe the floor with them in a best of seven series. Still, a slim chance is better than none at all, and all SD's hopes rode on Peavy's pitching arm.
So how'd he do?
SD lost 8-5, and Peavy was horrible; 8 runs allowed in 4 innings, at which point he went to the hospital. There X-rays determined that
Peavy had broken ribs, an injury he suffered a few days ago... during the Padres' celebration when they clenched their playoff spot.
Seriously, is that about the most pathetic thing you've ever heard? Their best player and only hope to win the series was injured before it ever began, while celebrating the win that got them there; a win that should have happened weeks before in much less exciting fashion, given how awful their competition was. Worse yet, they didn't even know he was injured until he began pitching in game one, and his injury-hampered performance doomed whatever faint changes they might have had to win that game.
It's like some guy lusting after a model his entire life. He sends her flowers, he writes her letters, he devotes websites to her, he goes to her every appearance and frames every magazine she appears in, after years of stardom she looses her looks and fortune, gets desperate, and ends up with the one guy who still worships her and wants to take care of her, and when the big night comes and he's got her in his own bed at last... he comes up impotent.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Boobiethon 2005
The
fourth annual Boobie-a-thon is underway, and things seem to be going smashingly. The concept is a charity effort to raise money for breast cancer research, and the technique is to post hundreds of reader-submitted photos of boobies. Read more about how the event got started in
this Wired.com article. It's actually heart-warming!
"Our hosting company has donated all hosting and bandwidth for the site, purchased our domain name and moved us to our own server space -- in addition to their annual monetary donation," she says. "When our site receives publicity, they graciously baby-sit the server to keep us online."
Being a strong supporter of boobies, the public viewing thereof, and women not dying of breast cancer, I of course highly recommend this site and its charity effort.
As for the boobies they've got two types. Covered, and bare. Anyone can see all
the covered ones right here here, on a page that will load very slowly for non-broadband users. It's not nude, but there are lots of bras and hands covering nipples, so I doubt it's work-safe, though I guess that would depend upon where you work. You need to donate more than $50 to see the bare ones, though you'd obviously be making that donation to support the charity, rather than because you've got in incredible jones to see bare tatas. At least I'd hope so, given the amount of sites that have free naked girl photos.
As for the boobies themselves, the vast majority are better described as, "large and saggy" than "firm and perky." Whether you approve of that, or (like me) think it's unfortunate is a matter of personal preference, and not one we're going to debate at this point. And yes, there are a few shots of bare man boobies (double standard!), though none you're real likely to want to see.
Neither Flux nor Malaya have contributed photos to this event, if you were wondering. Though I guess I could if I get bored and want to pump *clap* myself up.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Good Reviews.
I'll write up full reviews in the days to come, but for now I wanted to mention that I finished reading Eragon, and that we went to see Serenity on Saturday night. And much to my surprise, I enjoyed both book and film.
Serenity was interesting. Neither Malaya or I had ever seen a second of Firefly, during its brief TV existence, and I had never heard of it until the Serenity publicity began rolling along. I hoped the movie would be some fun and not too stupid, and was surprised when it started off with a great intro sequence, jumped right into more action, worked in character info smoothly, had good dialogue, and so on. It dragged a bit about halfway through, but really improved as the plot thickened and there were even some huge action sequences near the end that were just great. One massive spaceship battle that was just awesome, and gave us flashbacks to the endless and pointlessly dull space battle that opened Episode III. Amazing that this little movie with a fraction of Lucas' budget could do a similar sequence and make it so much more entertaining.
I highly recommend Serenity in the theaters, ideally. Enjoy the special effects and visuals on the big screen if you can; it was far and away the best SciFi film I've seen in years, and you don't need to know anything about the original Firefly series to appreciate it. It's very well written, you get to know and like more than a dozen speaking part characters, no one does anything stupid just to advance the plot, everyone has their own ideas about what to do next, and even the bad guys have reasons and logic and the ability to change their minds. Very much an adult movie, in terms of character behavior, and that's very refreshing after the mindless video game behavior of the leads in the Star Wars films. For example.
It's even got some excellent fight scenes, including some quality martial arts. The kick ass girl's form isn't great; she waves her arms and legs rather than punching and kicking with her whole body for force, but the choreography is excellent, with lots of long, flowing moves that she'd have to do, since she doesn't have the muscle for compact hits with any force. It's very Kali-esque, in a way; not that she does any real Kali moves, but how she moves and her "kill you dead" attitude while fighting.
It's even
getting good reviews.
As for Eragon,
I blogged about it in advance, when I didn't think I'd be able to tolerate it long enough to finish reading it.
I blogged again halfway through, and full of nit picking skepticism. Now that I've finished it, I have to admit that I enjoyed it quite a bit. It's never all that original, and yes, it's derivative of lots of other fantasy series, but only in terms of hitting the archetypes. Evil king enslaving a land, ravening monsters terrorizing the populace, young hero born into poverty who gains in strength rapidly, loyal and steadfast friends with their own troubles with the law, powerful and rare psychic pet, etc. Eragon's young author takes these elements and combines them in an original story though, with a fun plot, lots of action, and lots of scene changes. The characters aren't original or very involving, but that's my biggest complaint, and since I enjoyed the plot and the action and grew to like the main character and his dragon, I could overlook the minor problems.
Eragon is book one in a planned trilogy, and while it's slow in the middle, it ends with an exciting battle, just when everything is getting good and the plot is thickening. I definitely wanted to go straight on to book two when I finished, which is a good sign. Especially given that I didn't think I'd like it at all.
The book is far from a modern day classic, but it's not bad, and I can definitely see why kids like it. It's basically LotR, Harry Potter-ized. It feels a bit like high fantasy, but it's sort of dumbed down, with nothing very complicated, most motivations obvious, and everything confusing explained (eventually). Plus it stars a realistic 15 y/o main character who young readers can identify with. Piolini isn't as good a writer as Rowling (they're about even on plotting, but she's far better at crafting compelling, alive characters), but he's competent, and his plot elements are strong enough to pull along the lackluster characters.
I sort of wish he'd written Eragon 5 or 10 years later than he did, assuming his writing talent had continued to progress... As it is the book's a solid 6 or 7, largely for the archetypal plot and interesting action events. If a more talented writer had penned it, and the characters were as alive and interesting as they could be, and the fight scenes and other exciting moments were really nailed, it could be a 9, with the lack of originality keeping it from being a masterpiece.
Hopefully his talent will continue to grow, and by book 3, or by whatever he writes after this trilogy, we'll start to see writing that's good enough to live up to the potential of his story ideas.
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