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Send feedback here. Use this address to submit new bands for ranking; include any information you feel is relevant to their scoring and bonus points. You may also bitch/cheer about current rankings, this page in general, or just ask me to have a look at Uranus. |
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U2
They write good songs, they have the balls to experiment with new sounds on
almost every album, they give money and time and energy to charity, they don't
beat women or crash cars or get busted for heroin. All of which makes it
damn hard to write anything amusingly-nasty about them. Come on Bono, get
caught in a sleazy motel room with a garbage bag of roofies and the skull of Princess Diana,
for God's sake. Despite the blandness of their criminal record, they do have some bonus point
potential. Adam Clayton was engaged to supermodel Naomi Campbell for a while, but broke it
off. He broke it off, mind you. Cha-ching. They have a way with names. Paul Hewson was nicknamed "Bono Vox",
a name he initially disliked since it was similar to that of a brand of
hearing aid, but came appreciate once he learned it meant "good
voice" in Latin. He later dubbed Dale Evans "The
Edge" because both his facial features and mind were so
sharp. Evans liked it since he liked it since he tended to observe
things from the perimeter. Plus chicks dug it. When I was in high school in the late 80's, people either liked
metal, Guns and Roses mostly, or they were in the alternative, clove
cigarette, misunderstood freak minority, and loved U2 and Midnight
Oil, largely since the semi-political protest nature of their lyrics
matched well with their desired teen outsider angst. I dismissed
U2 then and later since they were just too popular and mainstream, but
have come to appreciate them more over time, and will listen to them on
the radio, though I still feel no desire to own any of their CDs. Before fixing on their final name, the guys tried
"Hype" and "Feedback", the latter based on their inability to play their
instruments very well. They eventually went to U2 since it
referred to a spy plane, a submarine, a battery, and of course the
obvious play on words meanings of it. It's not the best band name in
history, but it works well enough. The "you too" pun
nature is sort of cutesy, but we'll overlook that. Unwritten
Law
But most of them are just sort of average white guys singing in average fashion, and you get Pennywise, Unwritten Law, Bad Religion, Rancid, etc and pretty much can't tell them apart other than by memorizing their every track. And if you're 17 and sitting home in your parent's nice suburban house and wanting to rebel while having on clue whatsoever how lucky you really are, you probably have. And I'm not going to say that if I were 17 now I wouldn't also. But I'm not. And I haven't. And the legion of soundalike punk bands bore me. Which costs them a bonus point. These guys do have a decent name. It sounds like a punk band, and you sort of wonder, "Which unwritten law do they mean?" while not really worrying about it.
Usher
R&B is another type of music that you either like, or can't stand. I would personally rather listen to someone cut through a bank vault with a chain saw than this sort of crap. I don't find it romantic, I don't find it soothing, and I'll leave a store as quickly as possible if they're playing this sort of stuff. Other people love it, and Usher has multiple platinum singles and has even done commercials for Coca Cola, with his gospel choir soothing tones. The name is pretty weak. First of all it's sort of racist. I get the vision of some southern opera hall in about 1961 with big fat Colonel Sanders looking rednecks tipping their cigar ashes on the floor while clean cut black men scuttle around in butler uniforms cleaning things up. "Ah say ushah boy, come ovah here and bring me anuthu sasaparilly." Will we see another black singer named Waiter, or Bus Boy, or Janitor? The name was chosen by him and his black producer/managers, so they obviously didn't see it that way, but I always have a pained little laugh when I hear it. Apparently his real name is "Usher Raymond" so clearly the blame should go back to his mother. Did she give birth in a movie theater and name him after the first man she saw, or what? Reminds me of the old racist Nosmo King type legends. |
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All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007. |
