 |
|
|
|
|
N Bands | |||||||||||||||||||
|
Quick Navigation: Click here to see the full alphabetical listing. Click any of the letters to jump to that page.
Main
Page - FAQ - Feedback Bands on this page:
Coming soon: Willy Nelson, New Order, Notorious B.I.G. Send feedback here. Use this address to submit new bands for ranking; include any information you feel is relevant to their scoring and bonus points. You may also bitch/cheer about current rankings, this page in general, or just ask where to send me money. |
||||||||||||||||||||
|
Nelly
The name is
worthless. It's not a bad name for a female dog, something like a
Golden Retriever or Labrador. My grandparents had a bird dog when
I was a kid named Sadie. Same vibe. "Nelly" sounds like
a girl's name, it sounds nothing like a musical artist, gives no No indication of what type of music,
has no coolness
factor, nothing. Next.
Their official site has a detailed
biography of them that is so packed with unintentional humor it should win
some sort of special award. I'm capping them at one bonus point, because they
suck, and I know they didn't write it themselves. Here are a couple of
quotes. Their songs transcend time. Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, revered for unforgettable past hits, explore fresh creative territory in the present. Magically melodic songwriting and soaring sibling harmonies ensure that this pair will be a vital part of the music scene's future. With the rise of grunge rock in the mid-90s, pop music grew dark and foreboding. Matthew and Gunnar chose not to compromise their positive, drug-free posture to suit the trend. Contributing to their audience's extraordinary devotion is the fact that Matthew and Gunnar tirelessly try to please. They take time to meet and greet each and every fan following all performances. Their name does nothing, other
than trying to trade on their limited familial fame, and since no one in
their target audience knew who they were or who their father was, it was
seemingly doomed to failure. And if you didn't know anything about
them or their last name, you really had no clue from the eponymous title.
Their glory days were the early and mid-80's, when the softer do wop rhythms and New Jack Swing were dominant and had street cred, unlike the 90's with Gansta Rap taking over the streets and charts and softer R&B stuff existing only for the tin-eared Top 40. Bobby Brown left the band in 1986 (later marrying/slapping around Whitney Houston), and the rest of them split up in 1989. They reunited in 1996 and in a rare feat for a reunion, proved as popular as ever with new material. Their Home Again album debuted at #1 and their supporting tour selling out every show. They still hated each other though, and broke up after the big pay day, returning to dwindling solo careers. The name is pretty good. It certainly applies well to the young teens that they were when the group started off by winning talent shows around Boston. They were a young, had a newish sound, etc. It's less accurate a title for the "We're 30 and broke." late 90's reunion, but few bands create timeless names.
The New Kids made no pretense to being a real band; they were a bunch of kids hired by Maurice Starr, the producer who had previously created New Edition, to sing music he wrote for them and wear clothing he picked out. They weren't even original for their packaged look, since they were just the white version of New Edition, the black boy-band Maurice Starr had created a few years earlier. NKotB became even more popular than New Edition had been, as white rip offs of black artists usually do (Elvis, Vanilla Ice), since they are less-threatening to the white teens who become their biggest fans. This just goes to show the eternally horrible taste teenagers demonstrate in their musical purchases. Their name is good, it sums them up pretty well, and it's even a partial rip off of their New Edition forebrothers. They get a bonus point for burning out by the early 90's, though that just paved the way for the Biblical plague of identical boy bands we are currently inflicted with.
Nickleback
The name is cool, a non-word that
sounds like it should be one. Perhaps it's slang for
something? You think they're saying, "Nickle bag" at
first, which would be crack for those on a really tight budget, I guess.
They lose a point for sounding like everyone else to the point that I
can't summon up a single song of theirs from memory, despite them being
on the radio all the time.
The name is very cool. It
means nothing, spawns endless speculation about what it might mean (fingernails
on the statue of liberty, the length of the nails used to crucify Jesus, etc) and has
a creepy sound. Which pretty well parallels the band's sound, come to
think of it. Nirvana
There is a bonus point awarded for the pathetically tragic rock star
death, and another one for persistent rumors that Courtney actually had
Kurt whacked. They lose one for disbanding, thus freeing up
Dave Grohl to create the blandly-popular Foo
Fighters. As for the name, it can be argued both ways. The sense of loss and desperation in many
of their songs work well with the name, once you know it, but a cold
reading wouldn't gain any knowledge just from the appellation. A seminal
college rock/grunge band or a touring Anglican choir? If the
band's sound had been very short thrash rock songs, the name wouldn't
have fit at all, and the score would be lower (or perhaps it would have
fit, as a sort of opposite? We'll never know.) The name is cool and stupid at
the same time. If you take it as an act of hubris, then it's
pretty cool, and almost gutsy. If you take it as the sort of thing
a snotty 14 y/o says when trying to be clever, then it's horrid.
So the score splits the difference. They get a bonus point
for that guy who banged Britney and The name is perfect. Short and cutesy, but it calls to mind layered
harmonies and nice white boy dance steps, which sums them up very well.
The fact that it's short for "synchronized", but might also be
a wink at "lip synch" should be another bonus point for
honesty, but I just can't bring myself to award it.
NWA
The name is an acronym for, "Niggaz with Attitude".
You just can't argue with that. Only the fact that you have to
know what it stands for to get it keeps them from scoring a perfect 10
on the name alone. |
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007. |
