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Quick Navigation: Click here to see the full alphabetical listing. Click any of the letters to jump to that page.
Main
Page - FAQ - Feedback Bands on this page:
Coming soon: Peter Gabriel, Gene Loves Jezebel, The Go-Go's, Gorillaz. Send feedback here. Use this address to submit new bands for ranking; include any information you feel is relevant to their scoring and bonus points. You may also bitch/cheer about current rankings, this page in general, or just ask where to send me money. |
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As for his name, it's okay I guess. It certainly doesn't sound like a rock and roll artist, and "Kenny" is sort of a dopey name, and there's nothing about it that makes you think "Jazz"... Well on second thought I guess it's not such an okay name.
Garbage
The female lead singer, Shirley
Manson, inspires much debate. I can't really see how anyone finds her
looks sexy, but I know guys who drool over her. They are guys who really
like the band as well, so there's probably a connection there. As for the name, whether or not
it's appropriate is entirely subjective. I'm not a big fan of them, but I
wouldn't say they are trash. They do get a bonus point for being cool
enough to pick an uncomplimentary name, but since it's a name that could mean
anything for any type of music, it's a point they need just to break even.
You may wish to debate whether
that says more about this band, or the timeless (unevolved) nature of Blues. They get a bonus point for
Centerfold, which was the first sexy video that I really realized was
sexy. Yes, the last minute of it features a dozen hot models slinking
around in their underwear, making it pretty hard to misunderstand, but I was but
a lad, and these things were all so new to me. It wasn't until years later
that I reflected on what "My angel in the centerfold" actually meant,
and realized that it was actually a pretty risquι song, for the time. As for the name, it's better
than most eponymous titles. "J. Geils" sounds somewhat like rock
and roll, or at least a band of some type, though it doesn't really do much to
get you excited to hear their music.
Genesis
The name is pretty good for
a band, but could be confused with some sort of religious music, so it
loses points on the clarity scale. Debbie
Gibson
Talent at an early age or not, Debbie was seen as very wholesome and
innocent, and her image killed her once she got into her 20's and couldn't
connect at all with the changing sounds and trends of the day. Cute and
sweet worked at 17, at 22 and competing with sluts like Madonna she was out of
her league. Tragically she couldn't take the money and live a real life, and has
been cranking out one ignored album after another for the past decade. Her name is good for the initial 17 year old days, but much like her
wholesome image, terrible for any later period. You want a child star to
have a cute white-bread name; but for a mature singer you'd like something a bit
more interesting. Not that that stops the other 50 eponymous female
vocalists. The band formed in 1987, had their hit record in 1993, and broke up by
1997. They turned very ugly in 1994, though they get a bonus point for one
of the most awful member changes ever. The lead singer and songwriter was
a total drunk, always depressed, and when he just couldn't get his shit together
the rest of the band eventually fired him. After this their album really
started to hit big, so the guy is lying around his house, drunk, depressed,
fired, and hearing his voice and songs on the radio every 20 minutes. He
blew his brains out, perhaps unsurprisingly. This is worth an especially
tragic bonus point. The name is taken from the term "gin blossoms", which refers to the
red blotches that appear on the faces of old drunks. This just makes the
dismissal and subsequent suicide of the singer even more ironic, and helps their
score considerably.
A person hearing their name for the first time would have no idea
what to expect, but once you know them it works quite well. The only
expectation I'd have from the name was a Lovecraft influence, as I'd be
thinking the title referred to a Cthulhu myth, and it doesn't, as far as
I know. Which tragically costs them a point. Do not taunt
happy fun god. Godflesh
They have one of the coolest "god" names, one that gives a creepy
"communion gone wrong" feeling, and is even appropriate for their type
of music. Godhead
Despite
their sneaky sound vs. look, the name isn't bad. It doesn't really mean
anything, but at the same time they sort of live up to it, once you hear
them. Plus the lead singer is this huge Frankenstein guy with elevator
boots and a massive shaved head, making him look sort of like a Braniac that was
raised from the dead.
Godsmack
They
do at least rigidly adhere to the Nό Metal good song quota, with 3 on their
first album, 2 on their second, and sound alike crap the rest of the way.
The pretty good song they contributed to the Scorpion King soundtrack is sort of
a loophole entry, but that's almost to be expected by now. Goo
Goo Dolls
As for the name, it gets your
attention, but everyone seems to assume the worst from it. It would be bait and
switch if it were good enough to be bait. As things are, it's just sort of
misleading. About every two years I'll hear "The new song from the
Goo Goo Dolls, coming up next!" and be unable to remember if I like them or
not. Therefore I blame them for having to sit through stereo and tire
commercials only to hear some sort of Matchbox 20 crap, which costs them a
point.
The
Grateful Dead
The Dead are one of the very few bands that inspire such a legion of fans that they have their own nickname. "Deadheads" is a cultural term used by people who don't even know what the band is, which means it probably even surpasses "Beatlemaniacs" as the best rock fan name, if only because no one calls anyone a "Beatlemaniac" without meaning that they're a Beatle fan. Jerry croaking, giving them a member who is actually grateful to be dead boosts their score as well.
Macy
Gray
As for the name, she fares better than most eponymous artists, through no
fault of her own. Think up your own original name and get a higher score;
that's just how it works, kids. She does have a pretty cool name, but
we're not rating how clever someone's parents were, now are we? Gravity
Kills
The name is meaningless, catchy, and yet instantly-forgettable, just like their music. The name is self-evident, it sounds like a sticker you'd see on the railing of a bridge, and yet it manages to be cool anyway, despite all the odds. They still lose a point for being tools.
As for the name, it's not inherently stupid; Carcharodon Carcharias is a big scary damn fish. It has somewhat of a "Hitler's favorite metal band" flavor to the name as well, but I don't think that's intentional so shan't be penalized. They have shark fins and such on virtually all of their amateurish album covers, but at least they only once slipped into White Lion's animal metaphor title pit, with the album Once Bitten. Still, that's an automatic one point deduction.
As for the name, it's hard to say. "Green Day" means nothing to the casual ear, and even after you know of the band the name still doesn't tell you much. No, I don't have any clever suggestions of my own. It's allegedly pot-related, as in a day they had some good pot was a "green day".
Guns n'
Roses
Their name is great, and even has a story behind it. The band was initially made up of Axl Rose on vocals, Duff "Rose" McKagan on bass, Tracii Guns on guitar, along with Izzy on rhythm guitar. Guns was Tracii's last name, and there were two guys with "Rose" in their names. Hence the band name. Tracii left and formed his own semi-eponymous band, and was replaced by Slash, which was probably the best thing that could have happened to the band early on, since LA Guns wasn't bad, but never emerged from the glam hair band sound of the time, while GnR had a more rocking, bluesy sound that became far more popular, and Slash was a big part of that. Would "Slash and Roses" have been as good a name though? I think not. They get heavy bonus points for various near ODs, band member shuffling, endless in-fighting, and Axl's prima donna flouncing, even though this killed off what had the potential to be the best rock and roll band of the late 20th century. |
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All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007. |
