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Band Names Feedback |
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Unedited reader comments. Expect bad words. Fire away. You should read the FAQ first though. Reader mails in purple. Any comments about them in black. Most recent mails added on top.
The following is about the stupidest mail ever sent to this section. Well, it's actually 2 mails, but since they came from the same guy and were sent just six minutes apart, we'll count them as one. Feel free to skim over it if you can't read every incoherent word; I'm sure I wouldn't be able to wade through the whole train wreck if weren't about me and my website, and therefore of greater personal interest. Like many of the most amusing/angry emailers, this guy completely and totally misses the point of this section of my website. As well as every trace of humor, sarcasm, snark, etc.
And yes, of course he's an AOLer with a stupid random caps/numbers user name (NoUse4aSNx). They always are. I've quoted amazingly stupid mails in the past, and gone on to rant about how people can be so dumb as to make this big a fool of themselves in this fashion when there's a very prominently-linked FAQ that explains everything they are so confused about. So I'm not going to rant about that again today. Much though I'd like to. I think part of the problem is that since they are obviously so confused I assume that they must be feeling some level of confusion. That seems redundant to say, but think about it. We assume they are confused since they're making no sense, but the thing to realize is that they just don't know enough to be confused. In their little minds all makes perfect sense; the unknown people who wrote this Band Names section are making detailed evaluations and ratings of the bands, and higher scores must mean that the raters think that band is better. The whole "band names" thing just never registers on any level; I mean the "names" part. It simply doesn't occur to them (the stupid emailers) that "name" is what's being rated, rather than the coolness of the band itself, or the quality of their music, or something like that. As for the fact that every entry is written in quirky, irreverent, and sarcastic fashion, things that would tip off a normal person in a minute that it wasn't just a straight rating like you'd find on a music site... well those things are just not even grasped at all. Lots of people just have no ability to understand sarcasm or tongue in cheeky humor when they hear it verbally, and/or don't have the reading comprehension to grasp it from text. And true, I relish this sort of cluelessness via email, and figured I'd get lots of these type mails when I was writing the Band Names section, but they still depress me on some level. I don't like such regular reminders of how utterly clueless so many people really are. Lastly, when I read this mail late Saturday night and laughed about it with Malaya, I clicked to the FAQ just to see if the issues this emailer has were actually covered in the first question. They aren't, #1 talks about where the section idea came from. However #2 and #3...
When I was initially writing the Band Names section for this site, I had high hopes of it being discovered by the young and clueless fans of various talentless teenie-bopper bands. Take your pick. Britney, N'Sync, etc. I'm sure there are a bunch of newer ones I've never even heard of or bothered to insult properly yet. Unfortunately, that has never yet happened, though it still might. I also wrote the Band Names FAQ almost before I'd ever received any mail about the section, since I knew perfectly well what people would write in to object to. If this site had the same reading audience (a large part of which is young and very dumb) as the D2 site does, I would be fairly swimming in clueless and wrathful mails. Unfortunately that hasn't yet happened, so I have to make due with the occasional bit of teen fury. Such as this one, which came in today:
This is almost too perfect to believe, in my opinion. I laughed so hard when I first read this that I had to pace around, and finally go lie down. My favorite parts are when he praises Linkin Park's child-safe lyrics and morality one sentence before calling me a "faggot", and when he talks about how they "invented rap/rock". Two of the key elements of a good flame (good in terms of making the idiot flamer more clearly an idiot) are to make enormously laughable errors out of your ignorance while calling someone else wrong, and to be utterly hypocritical and insulting. He's got both of those down pat. This mail is tragically lacking in horrible AOLese style grammar, and it needs a lot more profanity, but it hits pretty well on the other cylinders. I doubt many readers need me to point it out, but Linkin Park was about the 500th band to jump into the act of beating the dead horse that is rap/rock. The first I ever heard of it was in the old Anthrax EP I'm the Man, which I used to own, long ago. There may well be other bands who were earlier, also. You'll note that Anthrax released that EP in 1990, while Linkin Park's first album came along in October of 2000. As far as I know the guys in the band are all in their early 20's, so being as they were in grade school when Anthrax was pioneering rap/metal... The other key element to a good flame is to make a fool of yourself by completely misinterpreting whatever you are mailing about. It helps a lot to be young or dumb or clueless, or at least very lacking in reading comprehension, and too dumb to realize it. Since the entire point of the Band Names section is that it rates the band's name, it's pretty idiotic to take the score as a referendum on the quality of the band. Aside from in the few cases where I awarded massive negative bonus points just because I hate them. And most of those are specifically mentioned in the FAQ:
I did take away two bonus points in Linkin Park's entry, (Which I just read and cracked up at. I never remember anything I write three months later.) one for the fansite on which I found info about them being just wretched, and the other for them being all goody two-shoes and not saying bad words. And true, I make several nasty remarks about them in the entry, but if their name didn't suck, they would have gotten a good score for it. I'd still think they suck, but the name scores are entirely impartial. It's the comments and bonus points that are subjective and frequently unfair. Which is, of course, the whole fun. Also, if you read the N'Sync entry, (and any other Boy Band entry) how can you possibly come to the conclusion that I don't despise them? They got a high score since their name perfectly sums up what they are. Is that such a difficult concept? Well yes, actually.
In the interests of completeness, there were a couple of mails about the brilliant Linkin Park fan mail I quoted yesterday. More from Josh's mail:
And Matt:
I've long held that you can judge the quality of a fiction novel or new album by an inversely proportional comparison to the sales charts. In other words, everything that sells a lot of copies sucks. This is most obvious with music, where just any new unimaginative Gangsta Rap album is guaranteed a huge debut week with all of the angry white suburban kids out there buying it, and the other poor musical taste teen-driven purchases of stuff like Boy Bands, Britney and her ilk, the balladeering diva of the month, some poppy country crossover act like Dixie Chicks or Shania Twain, etc. Plus if you're utterly out of touch with current popular music, it's more fun to talk about it if you just say it all sucks. That way you aren't obligated to keep up with the trend of the month. I really don't understand people's taste in music; I could never watch any of American Idol just since I can't stand the hideous ballady crap they yodel on it. I tried to watch it early on the first year, when it was getting all the headlines, and it was tolerable as long as I muted all of the actual performances, and just listened to the nasty comments post audition. Fortunately I soon realized the utter idiocy of watching a program I had to mute 2/3 of, and gave it up.
This mail highlights a couple of the things I find interesting about emails I get on Band Names. First off, it's from someone who has somehow wound up being a fan of a very obscure band, and has taken it as a sort of personal quest to spread the word. Secondly, and odder to me, it's a person who is sure that my review of their favored band would resemble a crucifixion, and yet they still want it there. This probably proves the old mantra, "The only bad publicity is no publicity, but it still seems sort of strange, given how many people write me, angry that their favored bands were treated poorly. It's like people lining up to be kicked in the nuts. As for his band, they're pretty obscure. They don't get but a paragraph from Artist Direct, and don't exist at all on Amazon.com, but armed with the knowledge that they are a UK band, I tried Amazon.co.uk and had better luck there. And I might add them. Someday.
Here's someone who's given far more thought to the origin of Blues Traveler's name than I ever will. I guess she's saying that the Moody Blues had an album called Time Traveler, and that on the cover (or something) the names lined up like this. So Blues Traveler could just as easily have been called Moody Time? The only problem with this theory is that as far as I can ascertain, the Moody Blues never issued any album of this title.
Well, I went there and looked at it. And looked. And looked. And I don't know any more now than I did 15 minutes ago. There desperately needs to be a large link on the first page that points to an "About this band" page, since their website is an impenetrable jungle of links to discographies and articles about them in various tiny independent newspapers (the kind you step over stacks of by the door in every downtown used CD store). I turned to the Artists Direct page and it's got a longer discussion than I wanted, albeit one that gives me absolutely no clue whatsoever about how they sound.
Apparently it's a band that mostly exists out of some guy's garage and that changes entirely after every album. Why they're on the internet and sort of famous, rather than playing at a roller rink in Omaha is an open question, but there looks to be easily enough material about them for the Band Names entry to pretty much write itself. Which it will have to, since I can't see actually adding this novelty thing to my page.
Yes, it's scary when someone who is really into indie music finds you and points out that every band you think of as indie is in fact a grossly commercial overplayed pack of whores. Which is true, at least from their perspective, but since I'm writing this section for the mainstream, more or less, and I'm in the utterly-ignorant mainstream, when it comes to most genres, I suppose my fate is sealed. He does have a point, and he's from San Diego, where I lived at the time I put this section online in late 2002, and no, I've never heard of either of the actual "college" radio stations he mentions there. I use "college radio" as a brand name, sort of like saying "adult alternative" or "country" and use it to refer to slightly more alternative than totally mainstream non-alternative bands. A type of music that no longer really exists, now that "alternative" is completely mainstream. He suggested the charts over at www.cmj.com for a look at real alternative music, and looking there now, he's right. I've heard of maybe 3 out of the top 20 in almost every list. Of course the validity of any chart where bands no one has ever heard of are on top is open to debate, but let's not get into that today.
The scary part about this section is that I find out how truly ignorant I am about music, when people write in with suggestions and corrections and additions and lists of bands I should add in the future. Long lists of facts and details and ideas about groups I've never even heard of. These are just the suggestions from Kirill's mail, the body of it had corrections and additions to about 10 current entries, many of which were very good and have been added in. And I'm sure it was entirely written off the top of his head, while I've done actual, like, research for this foolishness. I replied to him and we traded a few mails, his last one ending with this:
Yes, it wounds me to think that someone can read the whole thing and see through to my soft, objective, non-critical heart. I shall clearly have to try harder next time.
I vaguely remember that band, and while I can see the parallel to Extreme, I'd say that the "garden" part tips me off to their ultimately wimpy nature. It would be like "Extreme" adding "Pretty Flowers" to their name. But hey, the hypothetical future Savage Garden entry pretty well writes itself, at this point.
See my comments below on the "what if god were one of us" email from October 22, 2002. I'll probably change this one, I mean there's nothing funny about listing the abbreviation for a band rather than the whole name. It's just that every time I go to change it I forget if they were the "Mothers of Necessity" or "Mothers of Invention" and then I get distracted by pie and forget the whole thing. I'd go change it now, but um... ooh, pumpkin!
This highlights the problems with not updating this section quickly enough; someone writes in about their favorite band, and by the time I get around to reading their email, much less writing up an entry for their suggested artist, the band has already vanished off the face of the earth. Ahh, fickle fame.
#3 is a good example of the sort of error I'll have to continue making just since it annoys people, and is a perpetuation of incorrect popular knowledge. I have no idea if Menudo is or is not from Mexico; I always heard they were, but if they aren't and me saying they are is funny and annoys people who know better, then that's comedy gold, for this section of my website, anyway. As for #5, that's the problem with this site section; I have to read about and write about bands I not only have never heard of, but that I strongly want to never hear or know anything about. At least his mentioned "4AD catalogue" bands have some damn juicy names, even if I'll have to read up about them and waste valuable seconds from my life listening to brief snips of their no-doubt wretched music on Amazon.com.
I got that name from the Frank Zappa band bio on Artists Direct, but it appears to be an abbreviation for Mothers of Invention, as Mike says. I'll update that when I'm next on the Z page.
I thought it was a generous comparison, personally. I wouldn't call myself a fan, but I can name several Elton John songs I like.
Yes, along with Insane Clown Posse.
This brings up a good point; namely that in addition to all of my unfair comparisons and dismissals, I'm going to make some actual factual errors in attributing songs to the wrong artist, forgetting or not knowing about a follow up hit, using info from a music information site that's in error, and so on. The "What if God were One Of Us" error has been corrected, but there are a few others, major or minor, and my debate is whether or not to actually fix them. If it's something obscure like putting the wrong name for the dead bassist of some band from the 70's then that's probably fine; it just adds spice and will forever annoy nit picking fans of that band, which is another bonus. If it's a larger mistake, I guess it depends. If the error is funny and represents conventional wisdom, then it's probably worth preserving. The question is, should I put more factual errors in on purpose? Say attributing a song from one band to a sound-alike band, or confusing similar artists (Keith Richards with Joe Perry, for instance)? I'd think it was funny, and clever readers who realized it was intentional (say by reading my comments on this feedback page) would crack up, but the majority of readers wouldn't get the joke. And it's not the sort of "they don't get it" that's funny, ALA the angry teens who mail about how I said mean things about their favorite band. I'll probably work in a few more intentional errors, but whoppers that most people will realize are sarcasm/humor, or else errors that are just dismissive, since those will amuse most people, while setting off fans of that particular band, and their anger will further amuse the rest of us.
This comes from a friend, and was initially quoted on the August 27th update. The same friend contributed several more comments, all of them far more vitriolic than this one. Tragically, they were lost in a hard drive crash before I ever got them from my notes page to a more permanent archive. |
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All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007. |