Read this page before you fire off your outraged email.  The vast majority of feedback about this section is redundant.  Not that I treasure it any less for the repetitiveness, mind you.

Where did this feature come from?
The band name concept began August 3rd, 2002, and is discussed in some detail on the daily update for that day. I'd long considered the names various artists and bands chose, and how well some matched up with their music, while others were unrelated or even opposites.  Probably the one band that keyed things the most was Extreme, and it's discussed somewhat in their entry.  See this question below for more details.

How dare you say *my favorite band* is lame?
First of all, here's a T-shirt for you. The vast majority of people on earth feel that way.  This crash course in objectivity brought to you by The Onion.

Secondly, praise is boring, sniping is amusing.  How many entries would you read if they talked about how cool were the band members, and how good their music was?  You can find plenty of that on major music sites and fansites. Besides, it's fun to make fun of rock stars.  The vast majority of them are idiots and/or assholes, after all.  Especially the ones you like best.  So there.

What's the most difficult aspect of writing this section?
The fact that I've not willingly listened to a radio station or watched Mtv since early 1998. While it's not entirely the fault of commercial radio and Mtv that all popular music now sucks, or is utterly derivative of other music that sucked first, it does cut back on the time I'm willing to devote to listening to it.

While this would be an insurmountable obstacle to a music critic or someone trying to do an honest and informed evaluation/rating of various musical artists, it's not such a problem for me since I'm just here to sling bullshit and innuendo.  The problem is that while I can pick up that sort of thing about some artists via a sort of pop culture osmosis, that only works for like, Madonna, Britney, Snoop Dogg, etc.  It's of little use when I'm trying to think up a clever remark about artists who aren't famous enough to get mainstream media coverage, but who sell enough that they need to be listed, such as oh... Ludacris.  This forces me to do actual research, and sit through short clips of crappy music from numerous artists I've never heard before and 30 seconds later hope to never hear again.

What's the purpose of this feature?
It was initially just the straight ranking of names, but that became boring to write after about 50 entries, and would have been boring to read a lot sooner than that.  It's not like you really need me to point out that Slayer is a good name for a death metal band, even though they aren't really death metal.  Therefore as I was writing it, the entries became longer and started to include some background information on the band, as well as amusing comments, usually cynical or snarky ones about the band in question, or their public image.

In theory you read these to learn a little something, and be amused.  You may find it more fun to read about bands you are indifferent to or dislike; the comments will seem fair and funny then, while the ones about bands you do like will seen mean and biased.  This says more about you than the comments, by the way.

How does the scoring work?
This is listed on the main page as well.

• Genre: A quick and rough classification.  Rap, pop, R&B, death metal, etc.
• Name Score: An objective score from 1-10, based solely on how well the band matches up with their name.  Generally explained in the summary.
• Bonus Points: Points added or subtracted for extracurricular activities.
• Total Score: Name Score + Bonus Points.  Remember that bonus points may be positive or negative.

The scoring system evolved over the course of the page development.  Initially each band was going to just get one number, with the bonus points and total score included, but not individually specified.  This proved insufficient for our needs, and the system was expanded to provide additional documentation, as well as a visual aid.

What are "bonus points"?
Bonus points are awarded for non-musical feats, and can be positive or negative.  They are extremely cynical in nature, and often reward the most anti-social of habits.  Bands that have numerous fights, fire members, date and dump supermodels, lose members to car crashes or jail time or overdoses, and other such "rock and roll" things tend to earn a bonus point or two for their effort.

Negative bonus points are less common, and must be earned with idiotic spelling of band name, especially annoying image or videos, or other such very un "rock and roll" style tomfoolery.

How are the artists arranged?
Everything is done alphabetically.  Band names go by the first word (other than "a" or "the") and artists go by their last name.  Artists who use their name with a bit more for the band name are still filed by their last name (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers is under P for Petty.) Bands who changed names a few times while remaining virtually identical in terms of members are filed under whatever they started off as.  Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Starship are all together on the J page, for example.

You can see a listing of every single artist in this section on the main page, with a link to their entry.  If you aren't sure where someone might be listed, you can always use Control+F in your browser to get a "find" pop up box.  Type in the name and it should zip right to it.

What is the band discussion format?
Most entries begins with a brief introduction to the band and some background history.  This is mostly to inform readers who are unfamiliar with that artist, a group which often includes myself.  Then follow several bad jokes and cheap comments, with a concluding paragraph that actually discusses the artist's title.

What does "eponymous" mean?
This term is used frequently in this section, and the dictionary definition is:

ep•onym \"e-p€-'nim\ noun [Gk epÖnymos, fr. epÖnymos eponymous, fr. epi- + onyma name — more at name] (1846)

1 : one for whom or which something is or is believed to be named

In other words, it's an artist who uses the same name for themselves as for their music.  Most country artists do this, as do most pop artists.  Britney Spears, for instance. It's generally a sure way to get a low band name score, since after all, it's just some person's name; what's rock and roll about that?  Many artists use stage names, but if their stage name is the same as their band name, they are still technically eponymous artists.

How long did this take to write?
The initial concept occurred to me August 3, 2002, as I wrote about on that day's update. You can see some of the early examples then, and more the next day, August 4th, as well as discussion of theory.  Initially the entries were much shorter and were almost entirely about the band's name, with maybe one comment about something else, and no background information.

After the initial burst of activity I could see how long the section would need to be once I did it right, so I sorted them alphabetically and looked on lists of artists to find more bands to discuss. Initially I was putting in very little background info, and only doing bands I was familiar with.

Once bands were sorted, I went through them in order, from A to Z.  Over time the entries grew longer and more informative, as I started reading up about bands before writing anything. I figured I might as well include some information about them to balance out the cheap/nasty comments.  The later entries are generally longer than the earlier ones, so once I got through Z I had to go back to the A-G's and add more comments and to things out.

Work on the section proceeded in bursts and lulls, a letter a day, three letters a day, no letters for a week, and everything went online for the public to view October 15, 2002.  Additional bands will be added and existing entries amended for the foreseeable future.

Why aren't some artists listed?
All major rock or semi-rock bands of at least the last thirty years are listed, or will be soon. The definition of "major" is the sticking point, of course. There are over 350 artists now listed, and many more set to be added.  Reader requests are quite likely to be hasten an artist's addition, especially ones that include some reason for it, or background information about the band.  Many current bands aren't yet listed if they've only had one hit or one album, or are still just popular in their niche market.  There is also a slant towards the type of music I listen to myself, since I'm naturally more familiar with those artists.

So if an artist isn't listed now it probably will be added eventually, though with tens of thousands of musical acts on earth, there will obviously never be total coverage.

What kind of music do you listen to?
The main page of this site, which is updated five times a week, has a listing for some of the CDs that have recently been playing in my CD changer. This listing used to be entirely accurate, back when I lived alone and had the CD player on all day.  However, since August of 2003 I've been living with my girlfriend and therefore I very seldom have music playing out loud. I mostly listen to songs on mp3 off of my computer, often through headphones so as not to disturb my sweetie, and the play list changes very frequently.  Far more frequently than I'm willing to bother updating them to the main page of this webpage, at least.

My personal tastes are pretty static, and I mostly have what was formerly known as alternative, or else industrial, metal, and the rare hard rock or rap track.  The music I listen to is generally influenced by my work, since while I enjoy some loud and chaotic music, as well as some rap, I can't listen to anything too wild or attention-getting while I'm trying to write.

Don't you just give the bands you like better scores?
Not usually.  Bonus points are subjective, but the concept of this section is to be fair to everyone. The band name scores are based entirely on the quality of the band's name, and try to be objective. I hate boy bands with a passion, but if their name is appropriate for a boy band and their fan base will probably like it, they get a good band name score.

The comments about each band might be scathing and totally off base, in your opinion, but I strive to make those fair as well.  In the case of the comments "fair" often means "equally cruel and unfair to everyone", but this is equality, of a sort.  Many bands I like the music of are utterly stupid and easily taken down in comments, and I endeavor to do so, perhaps more zealously than I go after some dopey band that I know less about.

So no, bands I personally like or listen to don't necessarily fare any better in the comments, and may even be picked upon more.  I'm not a groupie or fan of any band in particular.  I like the music of some bands, but I don't own t-shirts or posters or go to concerts or write fan letters. It's a very impersonal thing for me, and if their music is good (to my taste) I'll buy/listen to it, and if not there's nothing the band members can do themselves to get me interested.  I am fickle and fleeting.

How many artists are listed?
There were about 340 full entries completed when the page went live on October 18, 2002, with perhaps 150 more artists listed in the "Coming soon" space on each page.

Who has the highest and lowest scores?
This is subject to change, of course.  Several bands have a 10 or higher: Marilyn Manson has 10 due to 2 bonus points. Rage Against the Machine has 12 due to 3 bonus points. The Sex Pistols have a flat 10, and are barred from bonus points since they'd break the scale.  Slayer has a 10 due to 1 bonus point.

Several other bands would exceed 10, but have had portions of their comments removed from bonus point consideration due to there being so many things it's impossible to score it fairly. These include Mötley Crüe, Steve Vai, The Rolling Stones, and a couple of others.

The lowest scores are all due to substantial bonus point penalties. Extreme stands at -5, Journey at -2, and Rush at -5.

What's "Goes Nowhere, Does Nothing"?
This term is used for several of the boring band names, and is self-evident in meaning.  It's a term from Star Trek, since as an inside joke the prop designers used to put GNDN on some of the pipes inside the walls that served purely as decoration.

What's Nü Folk?
It's a play on Nü Metal, a term for bands who do heavy metal with the same sort of new sound.  Sample bands include Soil, Saliva, Drowning Pool, Godsmack, Disturbed, and many more.  Nü Folk is a term I invented while doing this section, and it refers to the various mostly female folk rock artists popular today such as Jewel, Alanis Morissette, Sarah McLachlan, and a few others.  Whether this term will catch on and come into wider use remains to be seen. 

Who is Dave Barry?
Dave Barry is a nationally-syndicated humorist and several of the comments refer to him.  He has a weekly column in most Sunday papers, and has written several best selling humor books. One running joke in his columns is "that's a great name for a rock band" which he applies to virtually any odd phrase he comes across. For example:

That was when a chilling thought flashed across my mind: What has happened to me? How did I -- a person who once made the front page of the newspaper in Armonk, N.Y., because, of all the lawns I could have chosen to lie down and fall asleep on, I chose the lawn belonging to the chief of police -- how did I turn into a person enthusiastically thrusting a balloon puppy in reaction to the news that I had an online banana-ripeness option? Is my life really this dull now? Have I turned into a pathetic old person, like Strom Thurmond, or the Rolling Stones? Wouldn't Thrusting Balloon Puppies be a good name for a rock band?

Who is responsible for this outrage?
This section, like all other original material on BlackChampagne.com, was written by me, Eric Bruce, AKA Flux.  See the copyright page for more details.  All personal recollections in the artist discussions are from my life, assuming I didn't just make them up.  The use of "we" in several places, usually related to scoring of the awarding of bonus points, is entirely royal and frequently nonsensical.

What are some other band name resources?
This topic is covered in some more detail on the Band Names Main Page.

Quick band name info can be found at Artist Direct, and their band bios were the best source of info for this section.  Good info can also be seen in the editorial reviews on Amazon.com; their "Customers who bought this title also bought." info is very helpful as well, since even if you've not heard of the band in question, you'll probably be more familiar with some other band who sounds just like them, and has an overlap in fan base. (Avoid the customer reviews on Amazon.com, they are 99% fan boy fawning, and will only depress you.)

The biggest listing of artists available is the Yahoo groups.  Thousands of artists, sorted by type. Whether a band listed there is important enough to bother listing here is open to debate.

A site with tons of info about one genre of bands is Metal Roots.  There may be other sites with similar listings for other types of music, but if so I've yet to discover them.

There are a lot of sites with reader-submitted band name origin lists.  I didn't find them of much use when doing this section though, since there are so often conflicting stories, and none of the sites has anything approaching a comprehensive listing.  Am I Right is the best of them.

• Am I Right?
• Rock World.
• Gurl Pages.
• Teen Music.
• Heathen World.
• Progressive Dome.

On a slightly different note, Shrimp World has a long listing of potential band names in the Toad the Wet Sprocket mode, most of which are quite absurd.

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