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She's also frequently almost naked, often at inappropriate times, and looks like she's probably easier than a one-colored Rubik's Cube, if you've got enough money to get past her small army of angry black body guards. As for her name, what the hell, it sounds like a female vocalist, sort of.
By name "The Carpenters" sound like a family, or a Christian group, or perhaps it's metaphorical, meant to indicate that they construct music and songs from their instrumental tools? A quick Google hunt informs me that there were a brother and sister heading the band, so they get bonus points for accuracy, and lose points for an utter lack of originality.
Cheap
Trick
The name tells nothing of the band, but is a pretty cool "rock
band name", so we'll split the difference. The
Chemical Brothers
The Chemical Bros are apparently
actual brothers, or at least two guys, so they get a decent score for
living up to their name, as well as picking a cool industrial/electronic
sounding name that's at least 50% responsible for their current
disproportionate level of fame.
Prior to that she was
mostly famous in my adolescent mind for attending the Oscars in
absurdly-revealing costumes that looked like they'd been rejected from a
Vegas show for being too sequin-y. Yes, Jennifer Lopez owes her
everything. As for her name, it's boring, but at least it's short,
and has the hubris to be merely one word. Plus she was
relatively famous prior to going solo, which made using her same name the only
sensible option.
Her wacky personal life, her
awkward reaction to a lesbian daughter, and her conversion by age 50 from a
carbon-based life form to a plastic-based one earns her several bonus points.
Cherry
Poppin' Daddies
It's a catchy name and
has a sort of energetic feel, however this totally clashes with the
obscenely-sexual aspect of the name. This results in the sort of
unpleasant dichotomy that leads to a lower-than-expected score. Chicago
As for the actual town of
Chicago, I don't really have an opinion. Cold, lake, polluted,
gangsters, New York inferiority complex. No thought of rock and
roll when I think of it. Chumbawamba
They
had one big hit song, Tubthumping, in late 90's. It was about
being a resilient drunk, which is sort of surprising given that they've
apparently been around for like 20 years, and spent most of that doing
various anarchist/socialist protest songs, none of which anyone ever
wanted to listen to. How the world turns. They lose a couple of
points for abandoning the movement to glorify some smelly drunk.
As for their band
name, it's how your little nephew would try to say "Chubby
Walrus", (and become amused by his failure, thus guaranteeing he'd
repeat it fifty times an hour for the next three months) but it's sort of catchy, though no one can ever
remember exactly how it goes (Chuba Wumba was my mental version.)
It has zero to do with their actual message or band image though, as far
as any reasonable person could be expected to know.
Their name is very
appropriate though, being as they have a cold, disinterested sound.
They lose points for clogging up the rotation on stations that otherwise
play rock music, and being the beneficiary of an apparently huge knot of
payola.
The group composition is a bit odd. The first five albums, from
1967-1974, were with a band called Alice Cooper, and the same guy
(formerly Vincent Damon Furnier) was the lead singer and song
writer. That group broke up, and Vincent changed his name
officially to Alice Cooper, got a new supporting cast, and called his
new band... Alice Cooper. His first couple of albums as a solo
group sold well, but then he faded over the last 70's and all of the
80's. The glam rock fad in the late 80's enabled Alice to make a
comeback with an album that featured much of Bon Jovi and Aerosmith, and
in 1989 he had his first top ten hit with Poison since
1977. It was also his last top ten hit, needless to say, though he
retains a decent following as a sort of cult act, and still has
excellent name recognition, making appearances in horror films and such. For a time early in the band's history they went as The Nazz and also
The Spiders, but settled on Alice Cooper eventually, which was also the
name their front man used, prior to his officially changing his name to
that. Official group legend is that the name came to Vincent
during an Ouija board session, where he learned he was the reincarnation
of a 17th century witch of that name. It beats "Druzilla"
I suppose. Interesting supposed origin or not, it isn't that
impressive of a name for a shock rocker. Yes the androgynous
aspect is helpful, but that's just a small weirdness bonus point.
Metal fans aren't paying to see a guy pretend to be a girl. As for his name, it's hard to even rate it. It would have been
nice if he'd picked a new name for his solo stuff, but it doesn't seem
like anyone makes the effort to do that anymore. His name doesn't sound
very rock and roll, but at least he doesn't sound like an accountant or
something. The man's birth name was Declan McManus. His father was a jazz
bandleader who gave his son hundreds of records. Despite the early
encouragement, Declan graduated school and was working as a computer
operator, a profession that ruined his eyes, forcing him to wear the
Coke-bottle lensed glasses that have become his trademark. His
early manager suggested the "Elvis" part, and
"Costello" was his mother's maiden name. The man worked very
hard to get signed; his first try was 24 hours of studio time with a
country western bar band to back him up (the band's lead singer, who did
not participate, was Huey Lewis). That got him nowhere, and he
later took the amazing step of playing in the street with a Pignose
amplifier strapped to his back, outside the London Hilton hotel, where a
CBS Records convention was being held. He was arrested, but
impressed someone enough to get signed to the label. His first album
with CBS was released in 1977 and loved by the critics, being named
Rolling Stone's album of the year. We can admire his gumption and persistence, and even award him a
bonus point for it, but that doesn't mean we like his wimpy, wispy sound
any better. The name tries, and give him some credit for having the balls to pick "Elvis"
for a first name. Of course by now that's not such a great name, as it
symbolizes a rock legend who remains famous years after his death, but largely
for the drugs and the white jumpsuits and the other absurd and stupid non-rock
and roll stuff. "Costello" has
only one connotation, and that's the fat little guy in the old comedy
duo. You combine those two names and you actually get a pretty
good definition of
this guy, being somewhat rock and roll, but mostly just a goofy loser,
so he gets one of the higher scores in the boring eponymous name grouping.
Unlike The Black Crowes, this name doesn't really have any
meaning, or any appropriateness to the band's vibe or sound, as far as
our research department can ascertain. They are most famous for
having a lead singer with a name that's commonly confused with one of
OJ's defense attorneys, and doing a bunch of songs that everyone thinks
they remember, only to discover they were actually thinking of that one
song by Hootie and the Blowfish, or perhaps
The Dave Matthews Band. Country
Artists
They lose a bonus point just because. Cream
The lose a point for that Horse with no Name song that's
always on late night Best of Hippy Rock type collections. Creed
Crash
Test Dummies
I can
easily envision a death metal band with the same name, turning it into a
sort of ironic commentary on their self destructive tendencies.
Which would be much cooler than this Spin Doctors/Blues Traveler
sounding group. So they lose a point for taking the name out of
circulation, when it might possibly have been put to a better use, but
aren't penalized so heavily as the major offenders in this sort of
musical misrepresentation (see Extreme).
So which one is Sheryl? She's the one with long brown hair, a sort of
hippy vibe, and lots of earnest modern day folk rock songs, updated with
a more rocking style. This differs from Alanis in that... um... well
actually they could be the same person, for all I know. The fan
base is entirely overlapping, at any rate. We should lump Sarah
McLachlan and Jewel in as well and call them all Nό Folk. As for her name, it's boring, as is the case for 99% of eponymous
artists. Now if she had a band she could go by Sheryl and the
Crowes, which would almost be cool. Or she could merge with The
Black Crowes. But as of now it's just some woman's name with no
particular connotation or denotation, and nothing "rock and
roll" about it. The
Cult
Southern would have been the best name, and I'd
like to see a band named that now, actually. Odd how geography works;
The Northern or Western or Eastern Death Cult would sound stupid, while somehow Southern has an
ominous ring, with tantalizing whiffs of voodoo and other
nastiness. Unfortunately they are just The Cult, and relatively ignominious
title. One of their biggest hits is Sex Removal Machine.
You're telling me a guy who can come up with that for a song title
couldn't do better than The Cult for a band name? Big bonus point
loss for that. The name is very appropriate. I never knew the actual
specifics, but every video had a crowd of costumed freaks, which seemed
club-like to me. The
"culture" part is less clear. I thought it might have
been slang for "gay", but my UK source can not confirm that. Anyway, I certainly can't
think of a better name for this very eclectic band. Cypress
Hill
The name is best not
thought of, since it calls to mind the stupid "Let's name ourselves
after a place we hung out when we were loser kids." ALA Linkin
Park. At least they didn't spell it like a 13 y/o's AOL screen
name ("Sighpress Hill"?) which would have been a major
bonus point infraction.
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