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Penis Size Issues |
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This picture came to me via spam today, and I found it so ridiculous that I couldn't resist posting it.
I know guys are desperate about penis size, but come on, does anyone actually believe that wearing a sticky patch (soaked in unknown chemicals that almost certainly work just as well as a band-aid would) will make their dick longer? I suppose that someone probably does; I mean tons of people are making a fortune selling peanut M&Ms for $50 a bottle for just that purpose, and with a pill the gullible guy can think that it somehow does something magical inside of his body. Will those same fools fall for a patch? Is time-release the magic trick to dick growth? I also like the series of photos, with 1, 2, and then 3 where the gorgeous blonde appears with her eyes slitted with passion, even though the man still has his newly-massive member restrained by a pair of blue shorts. Also, check out #3. The patch looks like a piece of digital editing, just a light square burned into the guy's shoulder. Also, is that even the same guy? #1 and #2 he's wearing what looks like jeans, but in #3 he's in shorts. Also, #1-2 has gelled back hair, and sideburns more than halfway down his ears. #3 looks like a dry buzzcut, and shorter sideburns. So they got some male model to do shots #1 and #2, and then when they needed a money shot of a guy with a hot chick, they just stole one from some porn site somewhere and edited in a white square on his shoulder? This is all pointless, but it amuses me on numerous levels.
One weird news item today. And it's this one, an amusing article on Rolling Stone about a really big dick. Literally.
There is a link to a Mindspring page with a nude photo of the guy flaccid, and yeah, it's big. Freakishly. He's ugly and not in good shape, but certainly qualifies for the freak show classification penis-wise.
Penis discussion. Yes, as usual. Here are a couple of weird news items about men and their (ex) penises, and then some essaying by me about measurement issues, that occurred to me while talking to a girl about the subject.
¤ News Item #1: I'm not even sure I believe this one, but it's been in the news the last few days, so here goes. This is the entire news item, since it's so short. (Get it? Short?)
I like that she saved it, just in case. As a girl said to me yesterday in a comment that made me groan for about 5 minutes, "She has a dildo now." I also like how the husband has just run off to who knows where. Adultery is of epidemic proportions in the Philippines, from what I've been told, so she probably had every reason to suspect him.
¤ News Item #2: There's a weird trial going on now in San Jose, with a gynecologist being accused of rape, or wanking mid-exam, or something. It's sort of confusing with the various reports. What makes it odd is that the woman who first charged him seems very ambivalent about the whole thing. She said he apparently inserted himself, with a condom on, mid-exam, while she couldn't see due to a cloth being over the area. But she's not sure. But maybe he was just whacking off. She says she found a used condom in the trash can after the exam, but then she returned for three more appointments with the same doctor! And only after that did she file charges, saying she was molested, or raped, or something. Once she came forward and it got some media attention, some other female (obviously) patients came forward to report odd behavior as well. The article about it today is getting into the downright bizarre though. This part cracked me up.
When I first saw the headline about the size, I thought maybe it was like the old joke, and he'd prove he was so large they couldn't possibly have not known what he was doing, if he was really doing it. Alas.
The relevance of this is that the defense claims he would need to be longer than that to have been able to reach the vagina of the women involved, due to how they are positioned on the examination table. I just love that line about the puzzled jurors though.
¤ Essay Thing: While reading about the aforementioned 5.5" gynocologist (who is almost exactly average, as far as I know), I started thinking about how penis measurement is conducted. The margin for error that's allowed is quite substantial, if you think about it. You'll hear surveys that the average is 5-6 inches, or that 90% of men are between 4-7 inches. Which is true, as far as I know (I've not/am not conducted my own survey.) However, it's a ridiculously-wide range of measurements. I mean what if they said that 90% of men were between 4-7 feet tall? It's no-doubt true, and probably more like 98% of men, but what does it tell you? If you are 4'2" or 6'10" you're both in the 98% majority, but as anyone knows, one of you is very short and the other is very tall. Human height tends to be narrowed down to a very precise number, such as 5'8.5" or something like that. Depends on the population, country, ethnic group, etc. But my point is that they arrive at an exact median, with 50% above it and 50% below it. They don't go fuzzy and say, "Average men are 5'6" to 5'11"." Also, how is that for margin of error? It's huge! (So to speak.) Allowing 1 inch leeway on a 5-6" measurement is up to a 20% error. That's like saying a 5' guy is 6' tall. Or a bridge that's 10 feet high is okay for 12 foot trucks. Which would lead to problems. My impression is that they allow a lot of margin for error in the penis length measurement since it's such a touchy issue for most men. No one wants to be "below average", which a lot would be if they said average was precisely 5.67 inches, for example. So they say it's "5-6 inches", which probably gets 75% of men right there, and all the 4.8" guys can pretend they got an inaccurate measurement, and all the 6.1" guys can feel an enormous amount of wholly-delusional pride. To devil's (angel's?) advocate a bit, penis size is obviously variable, and a given man's erection will be larger or smaller from time to time. It's also an imprecise measurement, since you can easily poke a ruler into the skin half an inch at the base, or go from the side and get a higher number. Combining a slightly-inaccurate measurement with an object of variable length is obviously a recipe for virtually random results.
Now true, penis size is complicated by it being a fleshy organ and varying in size all the time. If you're 6 feet tall, you are 6 feet tall, though you might vary an inch or two if you had a sore back or bad posture. But that's like an inch out of 72 inches, or a very small error. If you had a slightly weak erection the day you were measured, and were say 5.3 instead of 5.6, that's equivalent to standing in a hole when they measure your height. If it's a bad day and you are .4 inches off of your usual 5.6 maximum, that's around 7% of your total. Compare that to height, and 7% of 6 feet tall is five inches. So if you were six feet tall you might come in at 5 foot 7, or 6 foot 5 by that scale, which is obviously a much greater error than would be reasonably expected. I guess I've talked myself into it, and allowing up to an inch in "average" penis size isn't a bad idea, what with all the variables involved. A way to increase the precision would be to make multiple measurements over time. But even then, you know guys would be delusional, and always take the highest figure to heart. If you got measured ten times and they ranged from 5.2 to 5.6, how long would he say he was? Duh, he'd say 5.6, he wouldn't take the average of 5.4, and certainly wouldn't take the minimum. In fact he'd probably start thinking to h imself that he's really more like 5.7 or 5.8, or "almost six inches" and that the lab tech with the ruler wasn't doing it quite right, or he wasn't all that hard. And anyway, I've had several women say that proportion, or thickness, is as or more important than length. Here's an actual quote, from an actual girl:
Yet all reports of penis size go by length, probably since that's just easier to eyeball. And measure. Also, size does matter to almost all women, but it's far from the deciding factor. Most women will say that size matters. All women will say that technique matters more. Size is sort of icing on top of the cake, but there needs to be a cake there in the first place. And if you are wondering/hoping, this will be a essay topic at some point in the immediate future. I've been talking to a couple of women about it a lot lately, and their bad stories of rotten lovers/boyfriends are fascinating and depressing. The more you talk to women, the more you realize that men really are pigs.
May
30, 2002
I just read this
news item, it amazes and amuses me on several levels. The obsession of men with penis size. The gullibility of people to pay good money for obvious
bullshit (and not just to fertilize their garden). The fact that people actually read spam ads over the
Internet. PHOENIX C.P. Direct, based in Scottsdale, Arizona, was put out of business and its Web sites closed following complaints about the company and its product that promised results within months of taking its supposedly potent yet costly "Longitude" pill, officials said. Now first of all, everyone knows there's no such thing as a penis-enlarging pill. I mean good lord, can there be a man alive who really thinks taking a pill will increase the size of anything on their body, other than perhaps their gut if it was an appetite stimulant? It's just a ridiculous concept. You see this sort of thing and laugh, sure no one is actually wasting money on it. So where the hell did they get $30 dollars in assets, much less $30,000,000? It must be a typo.
So they're selling M&Ms for $40 a month, with their only real costs being advertising. They even charge for shipping and handling, which is another scam. I'm just astounded at the amount of income they made though. It's literally mind-boggling to me; the sort of crap people will believe and spend money on. I can see some guys who are very small (or think they are) and will try anything. They probably know there's no way some pill will do anything for their size, but just in case, they'll give it a try. But the people who were selling that crap had literally tens of millions just lying around! That must be tip of the iceberg, and they've got houses around the country or world, foreign bank accounts, stocks, mutual funds, etc. I have a natural inclination to distrust everything and everyone, especially if it involves spending any money, probably since I never have any. But even if I did, I wouldn't want to waste it on crap like this. The penis pills are such an obvious scam and rip off, I just can't believe any adult would waste money on it. It just goes to show you how desperate men are about this sort of thing. Should they be? Do women really care? Well yes. Yes they do. Of the women I've known well enough to talk about such things with honestly, either girlfriends or just friends, all but one have freely admitted that size is important to them. It's not that they can't become aroused or achieve satisfaction with a man who is small, but they all prefer a larger cock. Now how large is "large" varies a lot, and most of them don't really have any actual estimate in inches or centimeters or water displacement; they just prefer larger if possible. The average erect penis is just under six inches, and something like 90% of all men are between 5-7 inches. So really, in poor light, it would be damn hard to tell average from +/- an inch. Besides those facts, size is of utmost importance to most men (hence the $30m in penis pill sales) and the vast majority of women prefer larger also. In addition to women I've talked to about it, I often make a joke about it at work, and almost unanimously the verdict is that size does matter. The situation is that I'll be selling cotton candy, and quite often a group of girls, or women with their boyfriends, will buy one or more than one. Quite often one will demand, more or less innocently, a bigger one than the first one I pick to give to them. I'll usually say (depending on their age, who else is in ear shot, etc) something like, "Now now, you know size doesn't matter." The reply to this has come to be very familiar, since the woman or women almost always reply, immediately, "Oh yes it does!". I don't mean they laugh and mumble that, or sometimes one will say it as a joke. I have this conversation 2 or 3x a night, and I could not tell you the last time the women didn't instantly shout that it did matter. Even when they are like 14 and you'd think they wouldn't know or care or have the nerve to comment one way or the other; they always take it as a penis-size reference (which is up to them, it could easily be taken as a neutral comment if they weren't thinking about cock-size already) and always leap all over my joke to deny what I'm saying. Now I'm sure that some of that is joking from them also, and if this happened once in a while I wouldn't mention it, but the reply is always the same, and always immediate. It's as if I had shouted "USA sucks!" at a VFW meeting; the reply is so fast and almost Pavlovian. Anyway, my take from this is that women really do prefer a larger penis. I have talked to women who have admitted to being interested in a guy, seeing or feeling that he was small, and breaking off any relationship. Straight dumping the zero, to get with a big-dicked hero. Sad but true. Women like a bigger one for the same reason they like a handsome man, or a tall man, or a muscular man; psychologically it's more satisfying or attractive. But they also prefer the actual physical sensation during intercourse. Of course too big is a problem also, it can hurt bumping into the cervix, you're rather unlikely to get any anal sex, women performing orally tend to get tired jaws and feel like they're choking, etc. But you might get laid a lot more to begin with, if it looked better to them. However I think the biggest factor for men is psychological. You can get very Freudian on the whole thing, with the concept that a boy becomes aware of penis size early on, and sees his father or adult men naked, and they are of course far larger than he is. This image sticks in his mind all his life, subconsciously at least, so he always feels like he's smaller. It's also reinforced by porno, since the guys in that are 99% freakishly-large, usually 8" or more, which is 90th percentile, plus they tend to have their pubic hair trimmed or shaved way back, which makes them look even bigger. And of course they're usually doing some relatively hot chick, and fully-erect, so they seem quite manly. How much of that Freudian stuff matters, and how much it's just a common insecurity isn't clear. I'd think an interesting survey would be if gay men were as hung up about it. In theory they are seeing other guy's cocks a lot more often than straight men, and seeing the same cock both hard and soft, so they'd have a more realistic appraisal of average size, and how they fit into the hierarchy. There is a fetish area in gay porn for men with micro-phallus. Yes, some gay men actually have the hots for guys with 1-3 inch erections. I've never heard of women who felt that way, and I have no explanation as to why some gay men do. I suppose as much energy and effort as straight men put into worrying about the female body, breast size, etc, gay men do the same sort of physical objectification, and penis size is obviously the thing you most notice about a naked man. Some guys like women with very small breasts, or hairless and flat in a sort of (subconscious) pedophile fantasy; men with tiny dicks could be the same sort of attraction for gay men? In any event, the biggest benefit of a big dick for a man is probably psychological. Adding an inch or two to a small or average dick must be something like going from balding to a full head of hair; a confident man can do fine with any of the above, but an average, insecure person will get a big confidence boost from the improvement. I suppose I should say just how I measure up, after all this discussion, but I think that's probably more than almost everyone reading this wants to know, and I could just be lying anyway. You can draw your own conclusions by the fact that I've always been able and eager to talk to women about penis size without worries? Or perhaps I'm microscopic, so they take pity on me and can discuss penis size objectively, since I'm so laughably tiny... No, I'm being too modest, I'm actually hung like a pachyderm. |
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All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007. |
enis
size is a perpetually-interesting topic. There's always some news about a new
enlargement scam, or some survey about dick-size, or some way to tell it by nose
size or finger length, or an article by a woman who says it doesn't matter, or
one who says it does, etc. I write about it often, since I'm forever
interested in how obsessive people are about it.