roving once again that there's no surer method to turn out a completely worthless human being than to give them everything they could ever want as children... it's the Hilton sisters!  Paris the Heiress and Nicky the... other one.  Um... Nicole the Beanpole?

Anyway, they're loathsome, they're borderline beautiful when perfectly made up, and they're very rich, and since that's all it takes to be famous in America these days, they're famous. Paris mostly, since her slide into debauchery is proceeding more rapidly than her sister, though as of late 2004 Nicky had the early lead in sham marriages.

More recent scandals and outrages are added on top of this page.

February 20, 2004

In other news about disturbing visual images, that infamous Paris Hilton amateur porn video is going wide, thanks to a new website run by her co-star.  It's still cheesy green night vision, apparently, but there are some random topless photos as well, and apparently the video quality of this one is a lot better than the leaked versions that have been around for a while.  But the guy is expecting a ridiculous amount of coin for it.

For a price ($50 for five plays over a five-day period), fans of intimate theater can watch "over 37 minutes of high quality footage"--as well as those aforementioned "stunning crisp images"--of Hilton and ex-boyfriend Salomon engaging in the not so simple life in a May 2001 romp.

Salomon said he expects to make "anywhere from $30 to $100 million" from the sale of downloads. He couldn't comment on whether Hilton, now a Fox reality TV star who turned 23 Tuesday, signed off on the pay-per-view venture, and whether she was to receive a cut of the profits.

Who is going to pay $50 for a five day rental of a 37 minute night vision porn movie of a pseudo celebrity that you have to download to watch on your computer? Why isn't this idiot just selling $20 DVDs or something?  Anyway, $30,000,000 / $50 = 600,000 buys.  With an upper estimate of 2,000,000 buys = $100m dollars.

Or maybe he'll make $500.  I can't personally imagine why anyone pays for porn when there is infinity + one online for free, but then again 1) I'm poor, and 2) I have a girlfriend.

His site is located at TrustFundGirls.com and as far as I can see there's nothing there but the Paris movie.  There isn't even a preview to judge the image quality by.  The main/only page does have some still shots from it, mostly of Paris sucking the guy's dick, though you see Paris boobies and hoochie as well.  As much of them as you can see in the night vision camera view, anyway.

My thought with Paris is always how much I'd like to instantly age her 20 years, since she's got nothing.  I mean besides the money, her only assets are being young, pretty, and very thin. When she's 45 and carrying around 30 extra pounds on her hips and cheeks, and is still as stupid and insipid and just all around awful, can you imagine how miserable she'll be?  Of course the odds of her ever getting fat are pretty low, not with all the plastic surgery and diet plans and mentally unstable self-starvation she'll subject herself to, since vanity is all that matters in her little life, but the 45ish, botoxed so much that her face is incapable of expression, emaciated, vapid, toy-dog-toting harpy she'll grow into won't be any less hideous than an alternate universe fat version of herself.

The thing I found funny in the news article about this were the quotes from the meathead guy Paris stupidly fucked on film.

Salomon said he was surprised when his original tape was, as he claims, duped and offered for sale by an ex-housemate--although it sounds as if Shannen Doherty was even more surprised. "Shannen was saying, 'They got the tape! They got the tape!' She's screaming, crying like a wounded animal. I'm, like, It's impossible. It's impossible," he said.

According to Salomon, the onetime guest, Don Thrasher, took the tape from its hiding place--a closet ceiling--copied it, then returned it. Thrasher was named in Salomon's lawsuit against Marvad Corp., the Seattle company that acquired the bootleg. Thrasher has since been sued by Marvad, as well. He could not be located for comment Tuesday.

Salomon said Thrasher used to be one of his best friends ("He was at one of my weddings"), but that he should have guessed something was up the night Pamela Anderson and celebrity photographer David LaChappelle stopped by his house for a visit.

"They were watching [the Paris Hilton video], and [Thrasher] was reciting the words," Salomon said. "I remember looking at him, going, How does this kid know my tape so well?"

The Anderson screening aside, Salomon said he didn't make it a habit of publicly exhibiting the tape ("I probably showed it a couple times in my whole life."). He said he made an exception for Anderson because of her own well-documented camcorder experience.

So he breaks out the tape to show to Pamela Anderson.  Isn't that sort of like the whole, "Why are Christians wearing crosses?  Isn't that the last thing Jesus would want to see if he came back?" joke?  Or perhaps Pamela's maturity and objectivity and adult intelligence allow her to see the humor and irony in it, and gives her a feeling of solidarity with Paris?

No really, I'm serious.  Really.  I mean it.

So what's in the movie, aside from some self-filmed, amateur porn?

AVN (Adult Video News) Online Magazine editor Tom Hymes said he thinks the Hilton-Salomon tape has a shot at surpassing the Anderson-Lee opus for the title of most-watched porn tape ever.

"It has larger, or longer, legs than I ever expected," Hymes said.

Hymes said he watched the full-length Hilton tape two days ago.

"I think it's fascinating to watch, least of all for the sex. The most interesting part is the insight into the celebrity," Hymes said. "Their relationship is so uniquely infantile."

I never saw the Pamela/Tommy Lee movie, but what I heard (mostly from Howard Stern, years ago when I used to listen to the show) was that it was fascinating to see how they interacted.  How incredibly vapid and mindless they were, off in their own little world of riches and carefree thoughtlessness.  I suppose I'd like to see these movies for that point, as a sort of "celebs really are that dumb when they're uncensored" viewing experience.

Then again, knowing how dumb they are already depresses and embitters me, so this wouldn't necessarily help much.

November 18, 2003

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton's sex tape shame refuses to go away - a second video, in which she appears naked with a model pal, has reportedly surfaced. Producers of American scandal show Celebrity Justice claim to have unearthed information about a new sex film featuring a naked Hilton and Playboy playmate Nicole Lenz playing with sex toys. The film, allegedly shot after Hilton's 22nd birthday party at the Bellagio in Las Vegas in February, also reportedly features Scary Movie 3 star Simon Rex - who appears to be the cameraman.

November 15, 2003

An amusing porno tape saga is currently unfolding.

Paris Hilton, sister to Nikki Hilton, both heirs to the Hilton Hotel fortune, is a dirty little slut, as evidenced by her starring role in an amateur porno video, made with the enthusiastic cooperation of an ex-boyfriend. She made the tape when she was 19, and it's not a spy tape or anything, she's an eager participant, willingly changing positions to get into more pornalicious poses, mugging for the camera, etc.

Well she broke up with the boyfriend some years ago, and since Paris is famous (for absolutely no reason other than that she's rich, blonde, and a big party slut) it's not a big surprise that the boyfriend is shopping the tape around, looking to sell it online, as the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee tape was sold.

Paris' parents aren't real happy about the fact that their daughters are whores, and are especially unhappy that video tape evidence of this exists and may well become an internet bestseller.  So they're doing what any good rich person would do; threatening legal action, regardless of the merits of the case.

According to sources quoted in the New York Post who have seen the footage, Hilton "keeps staring into the camera and trying to show her best sideShe knows she is being taped, and [Solomon] keeps trying to get her into sex positions that are better for taping, if you know what I mean."

However, the viewing public may never get to see Hilton's come-hither stares. Her parents have threatened legal action against anyone who releases the tape.

(Earlier this year, when rumors of the tape first surfaced, Hilton denied its existence, telling New York magazine that Solomon was "a complete liar and scumbag.")

No matter when the rendezvous took place, Doherty is unlikely to be amused. Last March, she and Hilton clashed at a Los Angeles party after her estranged husband spent 10 days shacked up at the Beverly Hills Hotel with the notorious party girl. Hilton had allegedly left threatening messages on the actress' answering machine warning her away from Solomon and, depending on the source, screamed at Doherty on sight, "Leave Rick alone!"

However, a rep for Hilton told the Post at the time that Doherty was the aggressor. "Shannen grabbed Paris' face and punched her. Then Shannen followed her and egged her car and wrote profanities on her car in red lipstick."

The actress' spokesperson denied the allegations and besides, "Shannen doesn't wear red lipstick," said the rep.

The man seen having sex with Paris Hilton in a notorious amateur videotape that has surfaced on the Web has filed a $10 million slander lawsuit against the 22-year-old hotel heiress, her parents and her publicist.

Video entrepreneur Rick Solomon claims in his Los Angeles Superior Court lawsuit filed on Wednesday that the Hiltons and publicist Sari Garber have sought to portray him as a criminal. He is seeking $10 million in damages.

The Hiltons have threatened to sue anyone who releases the tape, which was made when Paris Hilton was 19 and before Solomon, then 30, married actress Shannen Doherty.

Hilton, her family and at least one of her publicists have ... embarked on a cold, calculated and malicious campaign to portray Salomon as a rapist who took advantage of a sweet and innocent girl who had no idea what happened to her," the lawsuit says.

"Defendants then cleverly hinted to the press that there might be an issue as to whether Hilton was underage, which they obviously could have dismissed with one phone call," the lawsuit says

You can read the whole lawsuit, as well as see one grainy nightvision shot of Paris from the movie, here, on The Smoking Gun.

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