eing as I'm young, healthy, and not a hypochondriac, I seldom think about or pay much attention to health issues in the news. I post about some crazy doctor story every now and then, but mostly when the issue revolves around industry practices, the price of medical care, etc. I have a pretty low opinion of it all, actually. I don't post about this sort of thing very often though, since I don't pay it much mind.

As proof, I submit the fact that this was the the 183rd article page created, which basically means there are at least 182 subjects I post about more often than medicine.

More recent additions are added on top of the page.

February 23, 2004

Lately, Jinxie has been batting at any loose coins she finds; pawing and biting and chewing on them, though she doesn't actually swallow any.  As far as we know. Some vanish, but I assume the end up on the floor, rather than inside of her.  I'm certainly not going to start putting any more effort into the litter box scooping than I already do to verify things.

I keep thinking of this when I see the X-ray of this guy's abdomen on Yahoo.

French doctors were taken aback when they discovered the reason for a patient's sore, swollen belly: He had swallowed around 350 coins — $650 worth — along with assorted necklaces and needles.

The 62-year-old man came to the emergency room of Cholet General Hospital in western France in 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels. His family warned doctors that he sometimes swallowed coins, and a few had been removed from his stomach in past hospital visits. Still, doctors were awed when they took an X-ray. They discovered an enormous opaque mass in his stomach that turned out to weigh 12 pounds — as much as some bowling balls. It was so heavy it had forced his stomach down between his hips.

Five days after his arrival, doctors cut him open and removed his badly damaged stomach with its contents. He died 12 days later from complications.

One of his doctors, intensive care specialist Dr. Bruno Francois, said the patient had swallowed the coins — both French currency and later euros — over about a decade. His family tried to keep coins and jewelry away from him.

"When he was invited and came in some homes, he liked to steal coins and eat them," Francois said.

His dying wish was to be cremated, and have his ashes mixed into clay that could then be formed into a piggy bank.

January 19, 2004

If you're touring in Europe and find yourself pregnant and in Romania, I strongly suggest you refrain from giving birth there.

BUCHAREST, Romania (Reuters) - Two Romanian mothers who were told their premature babies had died in hospital were called in four months later to pick up their children who were in fact alive and well, local media reported.

"Everybody told me the little one was dead," Ramona Ionita told the Evenimentul Zilei daily newspaper.

She said the family was told to come pick up the baby they had "abandoned."

Authorities have launched an investigation into the incident at the hospital in Ploiesti, around 40 miles north of the capital.

The hospital was also fined last week and its director replaced after 18 newborns died in six weeks due to improper hygiene.

January 15, 2004

Send this one to all of your dentist-o-phobe friends.

An Oak Lawn dentist is facing two counts of misdemeanor battery for allegedly ripping a tooth cap out of a female patient's mouth because he thought she owed him money, police reports say.

Gombis, moments after implanting the cap, misread his account records and thought the woman, who is 58, owed him $200 for previous dental work, the report states.

Gombis then reached back into the woman's mouth with pliers and yanked out the cap, she said.

After an assistant told Gombis that the woman was paid up, the dentist forced the cap back into his patient's mouth and stormed out of the room, the police report says.

The woman said she was bleeding so much she spent the evening in a hospital emergency room after reporting the incident at the Oak Lawn police station.

Off topic, but this is perhaps the worst-written news article I've ever seen.  Does the reporter not know about quotations?  I've never seen so many "she said" and "he said" and "police report says" in one article.

January 10, 2004

¤ Amusingly icky article about a doctor who came to a 5th grade classroom to put on a scientific demonstration.  And brought a human arm, freshly severed from a donated cadaver.  Some of the 9 and 10 year old children didn't take the sight so well, as you might imagine.

Meanwhile, Dr. Michael Horowitz was headlining a fifth-grade science lesson on the human body. His prop was a human cadaver arm, which he opened to show its nerves and other parts.

At least one child vomited; five children left the classroom feeling ill. Another child fainted almost immediately.

I think I would have found that damn cool, when I was that age.  But as you can probably tell by looking, I'm a pretty sick puppy.

The kids were told about it in advance, so it wasn't like he said, "Here's a cute puppy!" and then whipped out some guy's mangled forelimb, but that's still a bit much for elementary school children to face.  You might want to scale your material a bit to the audience, Doc.  This ain't medical school.

November 29, 2003

This is about the worst article ever.  I found it pretty funny, personally.

As he was being served, the waiter took one look at him and fled in horror. Broughton chased him down the street urging him to tell him what was wrong. But the boy would only point, wordlessly, at his nose.

Broughton returned home and sat in trepidation in front of a mirror. His patience was rewarded when a brown worm-like creature emerged from his right nostril and looked around.

"I swear it had two beady eyes on it. And it came out two or three inches, looked around and then retracted. I thought it was a dream, a vision of some sort."

In shock, Broughton rushed off to his doctor who tried to remove the mysterious creature. But it wasn't going to give up its home easily.

"He had this thing pulled out eight or ten inches and I'm looking at it cross-eyed down the end of my nose, and he's looking at it, he has a look of absolute horror on his face. And the thing came off. And there was this leech."

It's also got several full color photos medical photos, relatively unpleasant ones.

November 14, 2003

Natalie Kathryn Dibden, 16, of Charfield, Gloucestershire, suffered fatal injuries after falling from the ambulance on the northbound carriageway of the M5 in the early hours of Sunday morning.

She later died in Gloucestershire Royal Hospital.

Natalie had been picked up in Dursley following a 999 call but a spokeswoman for Gloucestershire Police said her injuries before the accident were "not believed to be life-threatening".

It is understood that Natalie opened the ambulance doors in a confused state.

A spokesman for Gloucestershire Ambulance Service NHS Trust confirmed that a paramedic and a technician traveling in the ambulance when the incident took place were now receiving counseling.

August 23, 2003

There's a slightly longer and slightly US-updated version of that "secret slang of UK doctors" article I posted a few days ago.  You might find it worth reading since it lists a few different slang terms than the first one had.

He has written: "Plumbum oscillans."

What disease can this be? It sounds contagious... maybe even fatal... Is it time to phone friends and family and say farewell? Is your will up to date?

Relax.

Plumbum oscillans is no threat to health -- it is Latin for "swinging the lead," and it is the doctor's discreet way of concluding that you are a malingerer, someone seeking a sick note to take time off work.

August 19, 2003

Here's an article on the BBC website that I found amusing.  It's about doctors in the UK and their shorthand acronyms for referring to patients, many of which are rather insulting, most of which are pretty damn funny.

Top medical acronyms
CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)
GLM - Good looking Mum
GPO - Good for Parts Only
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury

Since patients are getting pickier and more litigation-happy, these sorts of terms are dying off, and the article is about a medical journal that is collecting and archiving them.  Which is all well and good and official, but you and I will just be reading it to laugh at the misfortunes of others.  And yes, that describes pretty much everything you're likely to see on this website.

Medical terms - A glossary
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Woolworth's Test - Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic)

I can see why there is outrage over this sort of thing, since it's all fun and laughs for us, but it's nor our dumb drunken ass lying there with facial lacerations, or your granny with her latest case of imaginary heartworms, and the doctor is dropping acronyms that basically mean, "You're both stupid, and fucked."

But in the same way that things you see every day at work are new and exciting to newcomers, so are our boring medical issues old news to doctors.  Guys working in a McD's find it funny when a fat guy orders 2 Big Macs and a diet coke, and they'd probably have short hand references to it if they weren't all ignorant minimum wage slaves with an 8th grade education.  Doctors are just like that, except they're smart and have to make stuff up to amuse themselves, while you sit there whining about your indigestion.

March 13, 2003

Weird news item about how fewer medical centers are letting students conduct nonconsensual pelvic exams on unconscious women.

PHILADELPHIA - Some of the nation's leading medical schools have abandoned a little-known, decades-old practice of letting students perform pelvic exams on women without their consent while they are under anesthesia.

The schools are asking permission first.

Previously, these institutions had routinely brought in students — sometimes as many as three or four — to conduct pelvic exams on unconscious women just before their gynecological surgeries and often without their consent.

Changes in that practice have taken place over the past five years after complaints from students who felt the exams without consent were unethical.

This sounds, um, amazing?  Like they get you unconscious before surgery and just line up students to have a poke at your pussy since what the hell, you're unconscious anyway.  Amazing the nerve that some doctors have, with that whole, "We are dahk-torst and you are schtupid meat vith insuranske. We vill do as we choosek!" attitude.

And yes, they go into a bad German accent when given the opportunity.  You know how they are.

October 5, 2002

On Friday, I was bad.  I spent money, and accomplished virtually zero work.

The money was on DVDs, primarily.  I also went to my chiropractor for the first time in about six months, since my low back has really been sore lately, mostly when I first wake up in the morning, and my right hip was hurting.  The chiro is very no-nonsense, and in 15 minutes he does half a dozen adjustments, having me lie flat on the table, sit up for a neck, back on the table for back and hip, stand up to do upper back again, then did my wrist and ankle a little more.

There's not usually that much up and down involved, but my back was really compressed.  He also gave me the usual exhortation to improve my posture (I slouch when standing) and suggested some stretches, and that was that.

Chiropractic has a bad reputation among some since you get quackery from some doctors.  Kinesiology and reflexology and energy alignment with crystals and such.  That's all pretty much bullshit.  Well-meaning bullshit, but cow paddies nonetheless.

A real chiropractor will do some adjustments, a bit of massage to loosen up the muscles, give you advice on posture and some stretching to keep yourself aligned properly, and that's about that.  If you doubt the entire concept, it's pretty silly to dispute it; you can go in with your back aching or an arm or shoulder hurting and the doctor will do a few adjustments and you'll feel fine in five minutes.  It's no mystery; you've got a bone or three out of place and pinching a nerve, it's going to hurt.  Once the bone is shifted back, it stops hurting.

Obviously this isn't going to cure a degenerative condition, or fix something you broke in a car crash, but if you are healthy but just sore and stiff, it's very helpful.

I used to go quite often, weekly at least, and I needed to, since I was always hurting.  That was a few years ago, and over time I got a good office chair and desk, and set up my keyboard and mouse so I can use them without any stretching or reaching, and the 12 hours a day at the computer that used to leave my back and neck aching now has no effect.  It's all about ergonomic positioning to prevent any of that repetitive movement injury stuff in the first place.

All that being said, I don't feel like I can afford the chiro anymore.  I last went in May, after tweaking something in my back at work, and was lucky enough to not have anything really cranked out of place since then.  I don't have any health insurance, even if I did, the cheap one I used to have through my union at work doesn't cover non-emergency stuff like chiro maintenance, my doctor's rates have gone up.  They used to be $55, but that was $30 for one thing and $25 for another.  That's what they charged insurance companies; if you were poor and paying yourself they'd just charge you the $30.  It's since gone up to $35, and is now $40, even if you are poor.  And unless I'm really just unable to move from pain, that doesn't seem worth it for 15 or 20 minutes of quick adjustments.  I'd probably feel better after getting a good 1 hour back massage, since a lot of back problems can be helped with that just by loosening up all of the muscles that are pulling the bones off. I'd certainly enjoy the process more, though it wouldn't do much for my knees or ankles or wrists, which usually need a quick push back into place.

My long term dream is to have a girlfriend who is an expert masseuse, and willing to work on me daily or bi-daily at least.  I'd prefer that to sex, in most cases. *cough*

June 19, 2002

Creepy story from the UK, one of those "angel of death" murdering nurse/doctor types has been further investigated and his current tally stands at at least 215.  Yes, that's 215+ people he murdered.

Shipman was convicted in January 2000 of killing 15 of his patients with lethal heroin injections and was sentenced to life imprisonment for each of the murders.

But an inquiry into the case, by High Court judge Dame Janet Smith, has found that a further 200 deaths were "highly suspicious" while there was a "real suspicion" he could have claimed a further 45 victims.

I do think about this sort of thing when I see a hospital or doctor, and am glad I've never needed any medical treatment to that extent.  I wasn't exactly eyeing the orderlies when visiting my dad after he had back surgery recently, but the thought did cross my mind.  I read a case study about another woman of this type recently, and have seen others in the past, and they are always so scary.  The almost total lack of oversight in terms of medical care deaths that allows them to kill dozens and dozens of people without any real suspicion is quite disturbing, and half the time they are suspected some doctor or the hospital administrator just fires them, when they move on to some smaller clinic and continue their killing.

My advice is just don't get sick or need surgery.  Ever.  Or if you do, make sure everyone near your body at the time is a close personal friend or relative.

June 7, 2002

Public Citizen has posted their extensive listing of bad doctors online for the first time.  Doctors and medical groups have always fought tooth and nail against any sort of objective oversight or accountability, so this must really piss them off.  Often doctors will rack up malpractice issues in one state, move, and start over again.  Yes, just like those boy-loving Catholic priests.

In related doctor news:

The relationship that physicians have with nurses can have a "profound" effect on whether nurses choose to stay in the field, he said.

Many doctors seem unaware of that, suggest the results of the survey of 1,200 nurses, physicians and hospital administrators. Though nearly 93% of all respondents had witnessed disruptive behavior by a physician, doctors were significantly less likely than nurses and executives to believe that such incidents have an important influence on nurses' morale, according to a report in the June issue of the American Journal of Nursing.

The asshole doctor with a god complex is sort of a stereotype, but apparently it's got a basis in reality.

All site content copyright "Flux" (Eric Bruce), 2002-2007.