ultures vary around the world.  Something that seems perfectly normal for the US might seem totally out of place in Japan or Germany or Saudi Arabia.  The opposite is true as well.

This page collects observations on cultural oddities.  Generally amusing ones. More recent additions on top.

July 1, 2002

Burger King in the UK?

Just watching a few minutes of TV tonight, and on PBS they had some sort of documentary/behind the scenes thing on a Burger King in the UK.  Weird topic, I know.  As it turned out one upper management weasel was working like a regular drone in a BK for a week, to get a better perspective on the job.

I only saw the end of it, and the actual events of it weren't that interesting, but the concept of it was.  Not the management meets reality aspect, but just that there are BK's in England.  This one was in Liverpool, home of thick accents (as is all of the UK, in my observation) and it just seemed so weird to see the pasty white English people toiling away at a shit job like that.

I think of Burger King as pretty far down the fast food chain, sort of the minority version of McD's.  I don't mean that in a racist way, but BK always seems urban and much blacker than the white bread, flavorless, Disney toy crap of McDonalds.  I don't eat at either of them, so it's nothing to me, besides the fact that BK has inedible fries.  Even worse than Wendy's.  I had them a couple of years ago in an airport, and they were just as bad as I remembered; virtually flavorless, a bit too thick, and undercooked. Of course McD's fries are marinated in cow juice, so while they have flavor, it's not a flavor I want to ingest. I generally have Jack in the Box curly fries, or else ones at whatever restaurant I'm eating at.  More bad fries are found at the Fish Market in San Diego; they use just potatoes and a bit of sea salt, but they have no flavor at all, and are somewhat undercooked.  Half the time I just make some tater tots at home.  Sure they are junk, but they're easy to make, and almost free, and you don't have to leave the house to obtain them each time.

Anyway, I find it very odd to see people with typical English looks and voices doing that sort of work.  That's for angry, pimply American 17 y/o's, or people with no job skills or education.  I want all English to work in stuffy tobacco shoppes, or drive carriages, or live in castles.  They may have lower class jobs, but only in servile positions; butlers and maids and swarthy gardeners.  They should not scrape out FF grills or burn the mad cow out of ground beef, for the queen's sake!

It didn't seem that odd to see the guys working there, since they could pass for any chinless, pudgy, bloated, painfully-white, bad hair (all buzz cuts or else short, oily-looking lank brown hair), no-future, American.  The sort of guy who only works since his mom started demanding rent if he's just going to lie around in the basement all day and play Everquest, rather than going to community college.  Of course they had the accents, but they didn't look the part. The girls though, threw everything way off. 

Several were cute, but even the ones who were not still had the typical twinkling eyes, red apple-cheeked, country lass look.  Add in their accents, clear enunciation, and adorable expressions, and they were so out of place. One girl got about 10 seconds of camera time, and got off a, "So can I take your order then?", as well as a "Right, you'll be leaving then, will you?" in rapid succession.  So cute! I wanted desperately to throw her into a frock and put her hair up, and take her shopping for antiques.  Instead she's slinging hash browns. =(

The way they (the English) throw in an extra few words at the end of every sentence is fetching.  It occurred to me that it's similar to Canadians, who have the habit of adding "eh?" at the end of sentences to turn a statement into a question.  The English do the same thing, but being as they are real English (rather than the once removed Canadians), they require two or three words to do the trick.  It would sound absurd for an American to say, but the exact same words with an English accent works perfectly.

Anyway, I think all the crappy fast food places and other low class places in the UK should be closed down, or at least barred from employing young women.  They all deserve better than that, with their high cheekbones and cute voices.  Waitressing in a nice hotel, perhaps.  They may work at a check out register, but only in a nicer place than fast food, such as a bank, or souvenir shoppe in a museum.  This should be started on immediately, so sufficient immigrants can be imported to handle the vacancies that will be created by the mass labor shift.  I might visit the UK in a couple of years, and I'd like all to be made ready by then.

And I want Geri Halliwell with about 10 pounds back on her, and red hair again, waiting nude and baby-oiled in my suite. K thx.

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