hile Malaya and me are nowhere near ready to have kids of our own, we do think and talk about child raising techniques all the time. This page collects blog mentions of that sort of thing, along with comments on news items about child behavior, mostly of the type that reminds us why we are not yet anywhere near ready to have our own.

More recent additions are added on top of this page.

January 16, 2004

So you get a divorce and your ex-wife still lives in the city, and your son is in her custody.  However you let the kid use your house since he wants to keep going to the same high school, and he comes over in the morning and rides to school with a friend.  Before you go out of town for a week you warn him not to have any parties and think all will be well.  Until the day you're leaving to fly home, you find out that your house has burned to the ground, and once you get home you find out from neighbors that there has been a wild teenager party going on for the entire week, in your nice home that is now ashes.

How did the fire start?  The guy's son set them.

He set three separate fires and torched it with gas," Layne said Tuesday as bulldozers knocked down the charred remains of his house, a loss the insurance company estimated at $380,000 for the house and its contents. "They got him to admit on tape he set the fires."

"I couldn't believe my own son would do this. He showed no remorse at the trial. He just sat there," Layne said. "It's just been a nightmare you just can't wake up from."

Why did the kid burn down his dad's house?  It was all part of his criminal master plan.

...the teen had "parties all week" that resulted in some damage to the house -- holes in a few walls and a kitchen cabinet was scratched -- but nothing that couldn't be repaired.

The fire was so hot -- exceeding 2,000 degrees, fire officials estimated -- that the house's I-beam that supported the house buckled, forcing the entire structure to be razed.

"It's incredible to me. He burned down the house to try to cover it up," Layne said.

This is basically the worst case scenario that runs through a parent's head when they're contemplating leaving their teenager home alone.  And like all worst case scenarios, it actually happens, sometimes.  The worst part?  The kid gets no real punishment.

Layne's nausea returned when he learned his son likely would receive minimal punishment for his admitted crimes.

The teen was convicted Monday when assistant prosecutors reduced the charges against him. They told Layne they expected the teen to receive a "slap on the wrist" and be ordered to receive counseling.

"I thought that they would send him away to a juvenile home until he was 18 or something," Layne said.

Layne likely will end his relationship with his son.

"The sad thing is, we lost my son in this, too. "I felt betrayed and hurt. I never want him on my property again," Layne said.

I like how dad was hoping his little white bread punk child would get his ass kicked and raped in Juvie for 2 years.  It's refreshing to hear from a parent who can realistically view their offspring's actions, and not just overlook everything bad because it's their little bastard doing the bad things. And yeah, I'd think not letting the little shit on your property again would be a good idea.

Pity dad (or the insurance company) can't get a lien on the kid's future salary until he's covered the $330k damage.  True, that would take about 40 years at his future McDonald's salary, and no amount of money would make up for losing everything you own in such a cruel fashion, but it's the principle of the thing that would soothe dad's broken life.

November 10, 2004

...my initial point [making a big deal about minor injuries] was how Malaya reacts to this sort of thing.  She doesn't.  I mean she goes, "Ooh, honey, does that hurt?" and when I saw "ehhh..." and go to wash off the blood, she goes back to doing her own thing.  She's concerned for me and would help if I needed it, but she doesn't make a big deal about it and doesn't get all upset about it.  She's very practical about it, and cynical even, with her, "Well, you deserved it for fucking with the cat."

The problem we see with this is that I have basically the same cavalier attitude towards personal injury, and if we ever propagate and have the inevitable scabby-kneed child, he'll fall down or stub a toe or something and come crying to us, and we'll both nod and say, "Well, I guess you'll be more careful next time, eh?"

Doesn't a child need at least one parent to smother him with affection and overblown concern and coddling treatment, so he knows he's really loved and feels secure in the world? I guess we'll find out in about 10 years...

August 30, 2003

Girls get good grades while boys get Ritalin.

At last June's graduation at Franklin High School just outside of Milwaukee, three of the four students who tied for valedictorian were girls. Among the National Honor Society members, 76% were girls. And girls comprised 85% of the students on Franklin's 4.0 honor roll.

In classrooms nationwide, girls are pulling ahead of boys academically. Recent federal testing data show that what starts out as a modest gap in elementary-level reading scores turns into a yawning divide by high school. In 12th grade, 44% of girls rate as proficient readers on federal tests, compared with 28% of boys.

Do you suppose this might have something to do with girls staying home and studying while boys skateboard and play Diablo II and waste hours after school in various lacrosse/football/baseball type school activities?

This sort of thing just shows why I would be a lousy educator.  My attitude is that if boys can't sit still and study and can't get into college, oh well. After all, gas stations and McDonalds need employees too.  I suppose that this isn't the best way to look at things; it's fine to hold adults accountable for their actions (which is why we have prisons) but you have to realize that kids are quite stupid, in terms of viewing the long term consequences off anything they do, and that you simply can't expect a 12 or 14 or 16 y/o's to realize (I certainly didn't) that by dicking off now, they're creating test score and educational deficiencies that will haunt them later in life, when they grow up some and are 20 or 22 or 25 and trying to get a degree or higher degree to escape a low-income life of misery.

This sort of thing pretty much defines the whole "it's for your own good" attitude that parents have to take, and that children and teens always hate. Raising children is somewhat like training dogs.  Lots of the stuff you do will be disliked by the children/dogs, but you simply have train them properly, since they'll be far harder to train later on, if you don't set the proper foundation. And while they hate it, they'll eventually get used to it.  And if not, well, it will make them easier to deal with, anyway.

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