hile I hate to admit it, I do post about foolish celebrity stuff in the news often enough that I need a special articles page (this one) just to archive all of them.

As the title would suggest, this page collects various bits from various updates about various amusing celebrity crimes. You should also check out the Rush Limbaugh Pill Popper article, which would have gone on this page, except it was too fat to fit. Just like Rush!

Newer material is added on top. 

November 27, 2003

Entertainer Glen Campbell was arrested at his Phoenix home Monday on suspicion of drunken driving and aggravated assault after slamming his car into another vehicle and fleeing the scene, then kicking a police sergeant who was questioning him, authorities said.

I have no idea who this is, but apparently he's had hit country songs. Which explains why I have no idea who he is.

His arrest is noteworthy due to him being a mean and belligerent drunk, with the pissed off old man mug shot adding bonus points.  You see his normal made-up TV appearance in the top shot.  You can see the benefits of good makeup and lighting; it takes 15 or 20 years off of him, doesn't it?

Phoenix police Sgt. Bill Niles said he was forced to restrain the entertainer's arms and legs after Campbell raised his knee and struck Niles on his right thigh during questioning at a police substation Monday evening. Campbell, 67, also attempted to kick another officer after striking Niles, but the officer dodged the blow and was unharmed, Niles said.

"He just didn't want to sit down. He was having mood swings and ended up taking his knee and raising it to me and hit me above the knee area," Niles said. "There was a lot of (Campbell saying) 'do you know who I am,' a lot of profanities. He didn't think he should be treated like a common criminal because of who he was. He went from calm and cooperative to becoming very loud."

Campbell acknowledged in an interview with The Arizona Republic last month to struggling with bouts of alcoholism and abusing cocaine, but said he stopped using the drug 20 years ago when he met his wife, Kim.

"I found something worth quitting for," Campbell told The Republic in October. "I give her credit for it. I care enough about her not to see her cry."

October 10, 2003

The Kobe rape trial began with a preliminary hearing, and there are juicy details galore.

Bryant sat stone-faced during a preliminary hearing Thursday as the woman's story of a flirtatious encounter gone bad came out for the first time with graphic details of Bryant grabbing her by the neck, bending her over a chair and attacking her at the posh mountain resort where she worked.

"You're not going to tell anybody about this, right?" he allegedly asked the woman repeatedly during five minutes of sex. Before being allowed to leave, she told police, Bryant forced her down and made her kiss his penis.

Bryant's attorney, Pamela Mackey, quickly tried to show the woman's story was just that — a story. She used the woman's name six different times, and at one point suggested that her injuries might be "consistent with a person who has had sex with three different men in three days."

The whole, "she said -- he said" thing would probably lead nowhere, without extensive physical evidence to back up her story. Apparently the girl is a bit of a whore, with a long history of sexually conflicts and some light psychiatric issues, which doesn't make her real credible witness.  Plus Kobe isn't Mike Tyson, he doesn't have a criminal record and has a squeaky-clean reputation.  Aside from the whole "cheating on his new bride" thing, that is.

At any rate, he's young and famous and handsome and super rich, and you know at least a few jurors would go for the, "what woman would turn him down?" defense.  However, there may be physical evidence of force being used. After the alleged attack:

She went back to the front desk to finish up her work and finally left the resort with an unidentified bellman, Winters said. She told him what happened and he urged her to report it, later following her home.

Winters testified that the woman's blood was found on the inside of Bryant's T-shirt, based on DNA tests. The woman told him she had bled from the attack, he said.

She bled from the neck, apparently, where she says Kobe grabbed her.  It will be funny if his charmed life is ruined by poorly-groomed fingernails, eh?

As for the larger implications of it all, I don't have a strong opinion. Kobe was clearly a fuckhead to rape her/bang a nutty chick, what with his pick of groupies and a new bride and baby at home, and it would be a damn shame if what's shaping up to be one of the top 5 or 10 basketball careers in history were ruined by this.  On the other hand, being famous doesn't give him the right to rape women and possibly ruin this already-screwed up girl's life, and he should be punished severely for it, if he really did it against her will. There may never be an answer.

Oh, the jury will conclude something, but that doesn't mean it happened as they conclude it. She was admittedly flirting and kissing, but her wanting to stop and him wanting to go is where their stories differ.  Her bleeding doesn't prove anything; maybe she begged for it rough, or had a cut that was easily reopened.  It's entirely possible that in her mind she wanted him to stop and asked him to do so, while in his mind she wanted it and was urging him on with a passive resistance thing.

And if you think about it, saying "no" twice during five minutes of sex isn't exactly a violent resistance.  So did she say anything during the other 4 minutes and 55 seconds?  Was she moaning? Enjoying it?  Feeling guilty? Freaking out?  Silently sobbing?  There's really no way to know; her memories are certainly corrupt by this point with so much emotional baggage riding on it, and Kobe isn't any more reliable.  Absent video tape of the whole thing, there's really no objective answer.

The fact that she's going for criminal prosecution rather than just trying to bilk Kobe for money is one sign in her favor, but if she's just a nutty slut, as the defense will try to portray her, that could explain that.  She might have mental issues and not want money, but want to bring down a powerful man. Or maybe she's planning a civil suit after the criminal trial, win or loose, and planning on scoring about $5m there.

This sort of thing is why lots of famous men now videotape women giving consent before they have sex.  What Kobe, you couldn't afford a video camera?

October 4, 2003

Courtney Love's inexorable downward spiral of self-destruction continues.

LOS ANGELES - Singer-actress Courtney Love (news) was arrested for allegedly being under the influence of a narcotic after police responded to a burglary call, and was taken to a treatment center, according to published reports.

Love, 39, was found early Thursday outside a Los Angeles home where she had allegedly broken the windows in an attempt to enter, police spokesman Don Cox said. She was arrested and booked for investigation of using illegal drugs, posted $2,500 bail and was released.

Hours later, police and paramedics in Beverly Hills responded to an emergency call and took a woman to a hospital for treatment, according to a story in Friday's editions of the Los Angeles Times.

Law enforcement sources told the newspaper that the woman was Love and that she had overdosed. It was not immediately known what her condition was.

Let's just hope they can finally get Francis Bean away from her before she kills her just like she did her daddy.

January 13, 2003

This is far from actual "crime" but it's pretty amusing. This news item about wacky Al Goldstein, publisher of Screw magazine.  He's going through security in the airport, makes a couple of off color jokes to a female baggage screener, and causes an uproar.

Goldstein looked at her Wednesday and asked, "Are you a real blonde?''

Goldstein also said, "If you and me were to have sex, I would want you to keep your uniform on," according to a police report. Other screeners also heard the remarks.

Nobles told police she felt "really uncomfortable and began to cry."

She, of course, reported his comments to someone or other, and they pulled him off of his flight and interrogated him.  Because um... well I can't even begin to answer that. Because airport security people aren't real bright, and love having some power over harried travelers?  I mean it's rude and in poor taste, but how does it in any way violate security?  I don't think they even pretended it did, it's just that he annoyed one of them, so they got back at him.  He was put on a later flight and upgraded to first class, but they got to inconvenience him for a few hours, and that's all that counts.

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