If you're curious about her pixel boobies, just use devilfinder images and search on "bloodrayne playboy." that's what i did at least, and a shot of her and another one of some other brunette vampire (?) girl came back right on top of the page. Their pixel boobies are singularly unimpressive, IMHO, (too smooth and plasticy) but then again I'm fortunate enough to have seen the real thing a time or two, so perhaps I'm jaded.

 

Seriously though, why in the hell would anyone hire Uwe Boll to do a video game movie at this point? Yeah, he's done a few already, but they've all been horrible, among the worst-reviewed films ever, and they didn't make any money either. Angelina Jolie did a pair of tomb Raider movies and Peter Jackson's exec producing Halo; it's not like you can't get actual talent to bring your video game to life. Hiring Uwe is like hanging a kick me sign on your film from day one, FFS.

 

Oddest of all, if you look at some of the E3 photos (1, 2, 3) on the bloodrayne results, you'll see that the E3 model looks much more like the character from the game, and is much hotter to boot. True, she's wearing a scarlet wig that's almost as fake as the one Storm sports, but if they were going to make a terrible Bloodrayne movie, why didn't they make one that at least looked like the game, with a busty female lead who would at least sell some tickets to the young male demographic? Instead we've got this woman, who looks like an extra from Conan.

And yes, I should have just done an entire blog post on fricking Bloodrayne the movie, incorporating the last half of this post and all these comments. If only I had a blogger format that allowed that sort of thing.

Oh wait.

 

Most ridiculous of all, it turns out that Bloodrayne is played by Kristanna Loken, who played the Terminatrix in T3. And she's ridiculously hot in basically every photo online -- except for the ones involving her role in Bloodrayne.

Okay, I'll stop now.

 

Amusing sort of review of Bloodrayne by Harry Knowles. The article is more about Uwe Boll's press conference than the film itself, which is a very good thing, since the press conference is funny while the film sucks ass.

They started casting 2 weeks before the film, they got major stars who just happened to be in Europe with some free time, they paid them by the day for their shooting, they hired Romanian mafia whores when they needed naked women for some vampire scenes, and there's even a quote of Uwe bagging on Speilberg. An alltogether enjoyable piece, and since it's all we have to tide us over until the movie opens and the horrible reviews start rolling in, I say enjoy it.

 

Sorry, but English is not my first language. What does "eat pudding" mean? Is it a euphemism for sex?

 

It's not anything to do with the english language itself, but it comes from a South Park episode:

Cartman: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Wenday: No they're not. Independent films are produced outside the hollywood system. They're movies without all the glitch and glamour of Hollywood.

Cartman: Well, you show one independent film that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.

 

Of course Cartman seemingly pulls that comment out of his ass, as he always does, and then, later in the episode, when Stan and Kyle end up having to watch one of the independent films at the South Park Film Festival... it's inevitably about gay cowboys eating pudding.

 

Ah, thanks! Your comment makes sense now. As you can guess, I don't watch South Park.

 

It's funny, but I didn't even think of Brokeback Mountain and it's connection to that line of Cartman's. I laughed quite a lot after reading it here and realizing it though.

As for why in God's name people keep hiring Uwe Boll to make their movies, it has something to with tax dodges and government financing of movies made in whatever country Uwe's from. Essentially, it can mean that any movie they have him make is an earner before he's even started. Even if it (inevitably) bombs at the box office and gets panned as one of the worst movies ever made.

As it is though, I understand this.. loophole (?) may have been closed now though. So hopefully we'll see even less movies made by him.

 

Re: Uwe Boll's continued Hollywood occupation, check out the AICN article I linked to in one of the comments here. In it Harry Knowles talks about his utter hackitude, and how it's balanced by his enviable ability to get "name" actors for his fly-by-night productions, and how he attracts foreign investors with said "name" talent.

You can also consider his low budgets, quick work, and overseas/DVD profits. And in the end, what's so wrong about having profitable hacks working in film? It's not like Speilberg was eager to make the Bloodrayne or House of the Dead films, and it's not like there are vast armies of disappointed fans of those games. People buy lots of crappy pulp fiction genre novels and enjoy them, even though they know what they're reading is very predictable and formulaic and not actually any good. Cinemax 4 has to show something at 2am, after all.